I'm A Terrible Blogger

I've been really bad at blogging lately. Part of this is due to the fact that I am just so busy during the days now. I don't seem to get too many breaks like I used to during the day, mostly because the older non-napping children will no longer be good and go watch a movie at naptime and LEAVE ME ALONE for an hour's peace. Oh no. They are "bored" with that. They don't waaaaannnnt to (said with an extended whine). So I feel that I must perform my professional duties and find things for them to do. Either that or appear too busy (which actually means being busy) to entertain them. Sigh. And because of the better weather, we've been outside a lot too, so I'm not near a computer. And then evening hits, and all I feel like doing is collapsing, and my brain is too tired to function.
So the other reason is that I am long-winded, as you know form my posts. None of them are particularly short. So I'll start writing a post, then get interrupted halfway through, and by the time I have a chance to get back to it, my muse is gone and I don't feel like writing that subject anymore. I just don't have enough time!
But sorry.
I'm sure all you nice people that read me (all what, 5 of you? LOL!) have been wondering what is going on with M, my niece. So here is an update.
My sis and BIL got the results of M's biopsy, and the news wasn't good. So here's what I've pieced together from various sources (N, my dad, and google). The main tumor is on her brain stem, which we already knew. It is inoperable, which we knew. It is definitely cancer. Ther are a couple of other smaller tumors in her brain. The outlook isn't good. My dad told me that they were told "a year to live". I didn't ask my sis N if that was true, because really, I couldn't ask her to rehash that, and also we are choosing to believe that miracles do happen and what is the point of listening to doctors' timelines? It's not as if you're going to cross off the days on a calendar.
I know from googling, that the prognosis for brain tumors of this type isn't good. The percentages of survival are extremely low. But here's my thought: Some people had to make up those statistics. That means some people had to have survived it. Otherwise, the percentage would be zero, wouldn't it? So why can't M be one of those in the percentage of survival? Hope is the only thing that keeps us going.
So on the medical side, she is having six weeks of radiation treatment, everyday, except weekends. That is to hopefully shrink the tumors and extend her life (I believe anyway). Chemo is not an option, as it doesn't work on the brain. This is both good and bad news. Good because it would be terrible to have to watch your child go through that, the medication is so toxic. Bad because it eliminates a treatment option and another pathway to a hopeful recovery.
On the non-medical side, my sis and BIL have contacted the homeopath I probably mentioned earlier. He is world-renowned in the homeopathic community, and has had great success with treating cancers and other terminal illnesses. He wrote a book that N read and told me that in it he claims to have a 70% success rate with curing the type of cancer that M has! And that was ten years ago. So hopefully the rate is better now, that he will have learned more since then. And he works in conjunction with modern medicine, so they don't have to choose one or the other. We are very hopeful that this will have a positive effect. I can't fathom the other option. It's just...too....wrong.
M is doing well. She hasn't had too many ill effects from the radiation yet, and you wouldn't know that she was a gravely ill little girl. This weekend M, N and I are going to see Glee in Concert! I am so excited to see it, and also to watch M enjoy it. She loves the music!

A Small Update On My Niece

There hasn't been much in the way of news lately about M. A lot of the days has been waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Nothing, I'm sure in comparison to what N and D are going through, but just sitting here helpless and waiting for a scrap of news is hard. I know that there isn't anything anyone can do, other than offer to help in any way, or to pray and hope, but it still doesn't make you feel any less useless knowing that. I comfort myself by Googling stuff, hoping for a scrap of info that would help; daydreaming that I would find a small tidbit of information that would cause everyone including the doctors to go, "Oh! Of course!! We must try that immediately!"
I have found some information about cancer patients drinking breast milk. Some study in Sweden, I think, found that by putting breast milk onto a rat's tumor, it shrunk it. Other studies have found that patients with bladder cancer received breast milk and peed out dead cancer cells. Who knows if they are drinking the milk, or if the milk was being applied to the tumor directly. There's the thing: there isn't any proof that drinking breast milk will help. But it can't harm, right? I mean, it's not a nasty chemical or even from another animal; it's HUMAN milk! Something many of us were raised on.
So anyway, we still don't know 100% that it is in fact cancer, but it's not looking too good. Maybe I am grasping at straws like I always do, but I would be willing to do anything to save that little girl. I would go on that breast milk inducing drug (Domperidone?) to get myself lactating again, if I thought it would give an ounce of help or hope. My other sister, S, is still breastfeeding my niece, A, but I don't know if she has enough anymore. A is now pretty much almost finished with that. I know she could get it started again with some perseverance and pumping, but......well, it's all speculation. I've yet to mention it to N or D, simply because we have no diagnosis yet.
On the weekend, M as released to go home for a few days. The boys and I went over to their place on Sunday to hang out. M was happy and playing, although somewhat tired, probably due to lack of good sleep in the past few days and also the steroids they had her on.
On Monday, they took M back to Sick Kids to admit her for her biopsy scheduled for yesterday. Yesterday was a huge waiting day. Nobody knew what time the biopsy was happening. And we all had to play telephone tag : my mom, S, my dad and I. I'm sure my brother was in there somewhere too. He is lucky though, as he lives right in Toronto and can go over to the hospital basically anytime and be there very quickly. Can't believe I'm saying someone is lucky to live in T.O., because, blech, but in this case it is.
M finally had her biopsy around 3 pm I think, but didn't get out of recovery until about 8. I still haven't talked directly to N since Sunday, mainly because I don't want to keep bugging her with phone calls, and also because when S and I were trying to call this morning, we discovered we had the wrong numbers.
M spent the night in Constant Care, where they could monitor her carefully. Her heart rate was low after the surgery, and she is on morphine too, which requires constant monitoring of their oxygen levels. She was responsive though, a good thing, and she is having visitors today. They did a CT scan of her head this morning, to make sure that there was no hemorrhaging from the biopsy.
Unfortunately, it looks like they will be waiting until probably Friday before they get the results back. She posted a note on Facebook earlier, and mentioned that right now feels "a bit like the calm before the storm." It is terribly nerve-wracking. Even I dream of M every night, and wake often wondering what the outcome of all this will be.
I must stay positive and hopeful.