I Survived

So I survived the weekend. I guess it wasn't too bad.

The wedding was ok, actually. It wasn't as bad as some stuffy weddings I've been to. The ceremony was held outside, on the beach, facing the water which was really nice and a first for me. It's kind of how I would've liked our wedding to be, but that's a story for another time. The weather held up for the major parts of the wedding, and by the time it rained, it was indoor/dancing time anyway so it was good timing for the couple. The boys got to swim and play on the beach between the ceremony and dinner (which was about 3.5 hours) and the ceremony itself was mercifully short and non-religious. The couple also bought "goody bags" for the kids, which included two cans of play-doh, a set of smelly markers, a pad of paper, a can of silly string and a crazy straw. So nice considering they barely know them! Then they had a bonfire later, and all the fixings for smores. C'mon, tell me you haven't had smores at a wedding before! I haven't, and I think EVERY wedding should have a bonfire and smores!!

The rest of the weekend wasn't as bad. See, here's my philosophy: Expect the worst, and then you won't be disappointed, you may even be a little bit surprised. Sunday was sunny, thank GOD. So we didn't all have to stay in the cottage getting on each others' nerves. And it wasn't too hot either. The beach that was there last month (if you could call it a beach) was gone totally, and now the stairs go down to the water, not the sand. So the boys had nothing to play with, but thankfully they still played in the water a bit, and for the afternoon, L actually napped while R and I played ball for awhile until it went into the water, and then he swam again since he had to go get it 'cause I sure as heck wasn't going in that frigid water! holy run-on sentence...


The Overlord Grandma behaved herself for the most part. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that we were only in her presence for a day and a half. She had her moments though:
G - "You should stab those potatoes before you put them in the microwave, they'll cook faster."
Thank you very much. Now I have overcooked potatoes (as if microwaved potatoes aren't bad enough) due to the orders I was given wonderful advice and the supersonic microwave she owns. Holy Crow, that thing could cook a whole turkey in an hour, I swear. I'll probably get a tumour from being in the same room with it or something.

Monday (today) we hung around for a bit in the morning while DH watched a movie with Her, and I conveniently slipped off to the bedroom for some quality time with my book. At some point during the morning, She says, "I don't suppose the boys would want to stay with me for a bit?" Yeah, that's going to happen.... I'm going to leave my most treasured possessions in the whole wide world in the care of an 83 (or is it 4?) year old woman who can't remember if she bought milk yesterday, and can't hear worth a damn! Not to mention her ancient ideas about child-rearing. The boys would probably be calling for help, in the lake, drowning, she'd forget they were there and lock all the doors to go into town for a while....Yikes! (shudder)

I'm sorry. I do feel a bit sorry for her. I mean, she's old, she can't help that. I know she would LOVE to spend more time with her great-grandchildren, I mean, who wouldn't? But she's going to have to do it with either DH or me around. That's it, that's all. DH made up a bunch of stories about how they have daycamp, and soccer and stuff that wasn't entirely true, just to spare her feelings. It's ok to lie when you're sparing someone's feelings, right?

So that was the weekend. Now I'm off to bed, night night.

I DON'T WANNA GO AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!

Sound familiar? Yeah, if you're a mom, it probably does.

But wait - here's the kicker..... it wasn't one of my kids saying this, it's ME!!

Yep, me. 30- ahemmm, mumblemumble- something years old and I am acting like a five year old. But I can't help it, I just don't wanna go!

Go where, you say?

To the cottage.

WHAAAAA???!!!

Now why wouldn't anyone want to go to the cottage? Am I crazy, you say? No.

Here's the thing. First of all, the cottage is not our cottage, it's DH's Grandmother's cottage. 80-something (3, I think)-year-old-almost-practically-deaf-and-extremely-stubborn Grandmother. And during the summer months, she lives there. Is that enough for you yet? Ahh, but the plot thickens.

Now imagine further. Taking two boys with plenty of energy to a cottage where they may or may not be stuck inside (likely will be due to the completely CRAPPY weather we've had this summer!) and not allowed to touch much of anything, do much of anything and VERY LIMITED SPACE to play! Yikes.

But wait, there's more! Despite the fact that there are four bedrooms in this cottage, they are all very tiny as cottage rooms tend to be, very stuffy, and there is only one small main room and one bathroom for all to share. And that means not just the four of us + Grandma, it also includes DH's mother and ever-fragrant father (and I mean that in the most loving of ways, NOT!) Not to mention our dog (a 12 yr old mini-schnauzer) and my SIL's waaaaaaayyyyy too hyper and obnoxious dog as well (same breed). Gah.

So what's a person to do? Well, you can go outside and hunt for berries in the thick, mosquito-ey bush. Hmmmm, nah. You can go for a walk on the dusty road, where mosquitos are also abundant (for some reason they LOVE me, and L too, we must have sweet blood or something) and you have to watch out for traffic moving up and down the road. OR, you could go swimming in the frigid water. The lake we're on doesn't ever get higher than 75 at the most, and that's in the hottest of summers, I can't imagine what it's like this year but I'm a suck when it comes to cold water. Or you could play on the beach, wait, what beach, it disappeared this year when the water level moved up several feet. Two square feet of beach is enough for two boys to play on isn't it??? No, didn't think so. OR you could sit inside the cottage, trying to relax and read your book, but you'll either be #1) asked to complete some mundane chore, #2)be soothed {right} by blasting Musak (ok I don't know what else to call it, but it's the crap you here when you've been put on hold on the phone, or coming out of the speakers in Wal-mart or some such place) being played at full volume for the benefit of the hearing impaired (or soon to be...) or #3) die a slow death of heat exhaustion due to the temperature inside the uninsulated cottage. Or, you could try to watch tv on the three fuzzy channels that come in, or maybe a movie IF you're lucky.

Ok, enough whining, you say. But no, I want to whine more.

If I wanted to spend my very precious long weekend (first one of the summer, by the way) doing menial household chores by hand (I'm talkin' dishes here, peeps) then I would be happy to go. But silly me, I don't want to, guess I'm just weird that way. Why in hell would I want to go live like that, on MY TIME OFF when I can just stay home and have this wonderful invention called an AUTOMATIC DISHWASHER do it for me? Grrrr. Apparantly, in DH's family's world, we are still living in the 1920's, 'cause it's "women's work". WTF? Not what I'm trying to teach my boys.

Oh, well, maybe I'll just go for a nice long ride in the boat.

Oh, right, we don't have a boat. Unless you consider one powered by human legs one. Ya know, a paddle boat? Gee, fun. And oh so exhilerating on the ever-choppy waters that surround us.

Ok, one more whine (or two).

On top of all this really fun stuff, we also have to attend a wedding this weekend. Whoopty-freakin'-doo. I'm not a lover of weddings, as such. The boring ceremony, the even more boring and cheesy speaches, the questionable food, the uncomfortable clothing, the trying-to-make-small-talk-with-strangers, and yes, I'm effing cheap. I'm sorry, but if I wanted to spend a hundred or something dollars on someone, it's going to be someone I love, not someone I barely know. Good friends getting married, I'm happy. Close family, I'm happier. But estranged cousins, workmates/aquaintances, and cottage neighbours?? Nope. Can't be bothered.

But, we got guilted into going (as usual, DH has NO, ZERO, BALLS when it comes to standing up to his family, sigh), so now we have to go witness the third marriage of the next-door-cottage-neighbour at someone else's cottage that's almost an hour away from our own! Crap. Plus, we aren't supposed to drive there. We're supposed to take some shuttle bus they've arranged for due to the limited parking. So we can't leave when we want, we're stuck there for the day, or at least until the first shuttle leaves at 9:30 at night. And this is with the kids in tow.

So that's the Saturday of my coming long weekend. Sunday, I'm sure will involve me desperately trying to escape from the other family members as much as possible while looking after my own children and my husband succumbs to the will of The Overlord Grandma to do her bidding, all this time, begging my DH to let us leave that night and not put us (and my back) through one more night of torture. But it won't happen, guarantee we'll be there till Monday. Tuesday I'll return to work and mounds of laundry refreshed and relaxed {yeah, right} . I am very seriously considering asking my darling SIL to drop me off at home when she leaves on Sunday (who, by the way, very WISELY decided to stay in the local hotel with her new BF instead of subjecting him to the hell that is this family and scaring him off early. Good for her).

Ok, so do you blame me whining a bit? Or do you think I'm a total wench, should suck it up and think myself lucky? And let's not forget all the other things that go along with going away for the weekend that always falls to the Mom to do: the packing of clothes, food, toys, supplies, and the subsequent unpacking of it all.

Ok, whining is over.

For now.