Sorry, this is a griping and complaining sort of blog entry. Pretty whiny, all things considered.
But I'm annoyed.
At, you might guess DH, but no, The Nan.
She called tonight, around 5:30. I hesitated to answer the phone, as I always do when I see her name pop up. I know it's mean, but it almost always means she wants something from DH. Something time-consuming, mostly. But I talked myself into answering it for a couple of reasons. One, she lives with DH's mom and dad, so when the name pops up, it's not always her (although usually it is) and I really don't mind having a chat with his mom. Two, I have to keep reminding myself that she is old, and she can't help that her mind is "going", and karma can be a bitch if I don't remember this.
Why, oh why did I not listen to my instincts this time? I knew that she had only just called last week to ask how we were all doing. So she had to have been calling because she wanted something. It was too soon for another, "How are you?" call.
She simply asked me if DH was home (not yet) and to call her when he was. I really should have "forgotten" to pass the message on.
Turns out, she wanted him to drive to Richmond Hill where they live to go car shopping! WTF? She wants to go NOW, because some Ford promotion ends tonight.
Really? She couldn't have called several weeks ago to ask him when a good time would be? She had to wait until the last minute, of the last day of the promotion? And, incidentally, what promotion ends on a Tuesday?? Or, the 14th of the month?
And why does HE have to go? We all know how pig-headed and stubborn she is, it's not like she's going to listen to anything he says! She could easily have dragged out DH's dad and not listened to his advice instead. He does live with her, and wouldn't have to drive for an hour to get there.
He had just got home from work, plus he had cut the grass, and wolfed down his dinner. The boys got to see their dad for about 10 minutes as he inhaled his meal.
I SO hate this! This....this....power, I guess, that she has over him. Well, that his whole family seems to have over him. He is at her beck and call. What is with that? Why couldn't he have just told her no, I'm sorry, I'm busy? To call and expect him to jump and run immediately there is unbelievable! And unfair! She is so irritating!!
Showing posts with label complaining. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complaining. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, March 1, 2010
On Men
**DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG CONTAINS MUCH COMPLAINING AND BITCHING, SO IF YOU AREN'T IN THE MOOD FOR READING THAT, DON'T PROCEED. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!**
DH and I have been together this March for 15 years. Let me say that again.
15 YEARS!!!
We have been married for 9 (10 in October) years, but I can't believe we've been with each other for that long. It blows my mind.
That being said, I still do not get men. I guess I never will. Our relationship is pretty static, but there are still things we're working on. Things I still question when they happen, and I guess maybe that lasts forever??? I don't know.
I try very hard to not be like my mother. And I see little bits of her in me all the time. She took her relationship with my father for granted, I think. This is not to say that I blame her for the dissolution of their marriage, because I don't. That is another topic, but long story short, both parties are to blame there.
I just think that from my point of view as a child, I only saw my mother "being mean to my dad". Ok, I should explain that better. Keep in mind, this is the POV of a child. She constantly criticized him, and harped and nagged on him, and shrugged off his affections. That part, the affections part, I remember the most. And that is the part that I catch myself doing from time to time, and internally chastise myself about. I don't want to be like that.
Of course, now, as an adult, a wife, and a working mother of two, I can TOTALLY see where she was coming from with the nagging and the berating. It's hard to be all these things, and still be a positive person! A wife, a lover, a partner, a best friend, a mother, a nurse, a chauffeur, a cook, a cleaner, and a career person (in my case, babysitter of other's children.) Those are so many hats to wear in a day. And let's not forget that we are constantly being told by magazines, professionals, talk shows, etc, that we need to take time for ourselves and just be ourselves somewhere in there as well. I don't think men understand how much pressure we women are under to be so many things, and to be good at them! And some guys do get it, for the lucky women that have them, like my two BIL's. God, my sisters are lucky to have them!
But just a little help once in a while, without having to ask would be nice. But so many men don't understand that, and when we do ask, we get told we're nagging. Now I will be the first to admit that we don't always ask in the nicest ways. But really, should we have to?? At the point when we have to ask our DH's for help, we're usually at the end of our rope, and we have no more patience or "niceness" left in us. And it's because we bottle it up, bottle it up, bottle it up, for fear that we are labelled as the nagging wife. Then the bottle can't hold anymore, and the cork pops. I feel like we shouldn't have to ask, men should just know. So guys, take a hint when the eyes start rolling, and the huffing or the sighing begins. Those are the signs that the cork is going to pop!
Now back to the original purpose of this blog entry. This morning, I was annoyed because DH had left the gas fireplace on ALL NIGHT! Not only is this a waste of gas, but it also makes the rest of the house damn cold, especially when the thermostat is set lower for nighttime. I also happened to ask him if he had put gravy on the leftover dinners he prepared last night, to which the answer was no.
WHY?
WHY?
Ok, he knows I like gravy. He knows I believe it is practically a sin to waste gravy. He must know that, we've been together for 15 effing years now! And we've also had this "argument" before. So why would he neglect to use up the leftover gravy by putting it onto the leftover meat? To me, it just seems thoughtless and selfish. He totally was not thinking of me AT ALL.
I know it's such a small thing, but it just irks me so, because I know that D (my BIL) would NEVER EVER do that to my sister N. She is always in his thoughts. He is always thinking of her.
But really all that was said regarding that situation was "Did you...." and "Why not?" That is it. I didn't go on afterwards like I could have (and did in this blog), I left it at that. I didn't even huff. So really in all fairness, was I complaining there or nagging? I don't think so.
Then I brought up the fireplace because again, I thought it needed to be brought to his attention, and it's careless yet again. He knows, as I've told him before, that when he has the fire on at night (while staying up all hours watching tv) that it makes the upstairs frigid.
THOUGHTLESS.
So that, I did complain about. And he didn't like it. Not one bit. He hates when I complain about things (who doesn't really?) and he gets SOOOOOO DEFENSIVE!! And I only said one thing, but he considered it two. That in turn makes me mad. I mean, why shouldn't I be allowed once in a while to complain about something, point out something that is bothering me?
And here is where I get into a quandry. I try so hard not to be like my mother, complaining and nagging all the time, but on the other hand, I feel that we should be allowed to express our dissatisfaction about things. I really bottle a lot of things up. There are SOOOOO many things that I could complain about, and I don't, because I don't want to be a nagging wife. But then when am I allowed to say something. Should I just allow myself to be walked on? Are my concerns not relevant? So what exactly am I allowed to complain about, is what I want to know.
Here is another point of contention.
On the weekend, we helped my sis, S, move. This weekend also happened to be the start of DH's March break from school. So he has plans that he is going to paint my oldest's room. He was somewhat disgruntled on Saturday because I had told my mother and sister N that after we helped S, we would go over to their's for dinner. He "didn't expect to be gone all day, and had wanted to get started on R's room."
Well, too bad. I don't get to see my family as often as I like, and I'm not going to rush home and not see them just because he had plans he failed to mention to me. And I am sure that he wouldn't have carried those plans out anyway for a couple of reasons.
A) We ended up staying at N and D's later than normal because he couldn't tear himself away from the tv set and the gold medal curling game, so why would he have been stripping R's room if he was wanting to watch that?
B) He is currently upstairs playing the Wii. It is now 10:30 Monday morning, and he hasn't set foot in R's room.
So what was the big rush? I think he just didn't want to hang out with my family (why I don't know) and to that I say tough sh*t and if I have to hang out with his, then it goes both ways!! Never mind that the past few times I've been over to their place, he hasn't come.
So here we are again. Me, bottling it up. I could go upstairs and point out that he was so eager to get going on the room on Sat. and so what happened? I could even go up there and point out that he is being a lazy ass and to go get a job. But that's just getting a little bitchy, don'tcha think? (And yeah, I'm sitting here blogging, so that'd be a little like the pot calling the kettle black.)
But I won't.
Because again, I don't want to be labelled as a nagger.
So now I have to come up with a creative way to point out what he should be doing. Perhaps I will ask him if I should help him to start cleaning up in there, or moving furniture, or something of that nature.
See, woman also have to be creative and manipulative too.
DH and I have been together this March for 15 years. Let me say that again.
15 YEARS!!!
We have been married for 9 (10 in October) years, but I can't believe we've been with each other for that long. It blows my mind.
That being said, I still do not get men. I guess I never will. Our relationship is pretty static, but there are still things we're working on. Things I still question when they happen, and I guess maybe that lasts forever??? I don't know.
I try very hard to not be like my mother. And I see little bits of her in me all the time. She took her relationship with my father for granted, I think. This is not to say that I blame her for the dissolution of their marriage, because I don't. That is another topic, but long story short, both parties are to blame there.
I just think that from my point of view as a child, I only saw my mother "being mean to my dad". Ok, I should explain that better. Keep in mind, this is the POV of a child. She constantly criticized him, and harped and nagged on him, and shrugged off his affections. That part, the affections part, I remember the most. And that is the part that I catch myself doing from time to time, and internally chastise myself about. I don't want to be like that.
Of course, now, as an adult, a wife, and a working mother of two, I can TOTALLY see where she was coming from with the nagging and the berating. It's hard to be all these things, and still be a positive person! A wife, a lover, a partner, a best friend, a mother, a nurse, a chauffeur, a cook, a cleaner, and a career person (in my case, babysitter of other's children.) Those are so many hats to wear in a day. And let's not forget that we are constantly being told by magazines, professionals, talk shows, etc, that we need to take time for ourselves and just be ourselves somewhere in there as well. I don't think men understand how much pressure we women are under to be so many things, and to be good at them! And some guys do get it, for the lucky women that have them, like my two BIL's. God, my sisters are lucky to have them!
But just a little help once in a while, without having to ask would be nice. But so many men don't understand that, and when we do ask, we get told we're nagging. Now I will be the first to admit that we don't always ask in the nicest ways. But really, should we have to?? At the point when we have to ask our DH's for help, we're usually at the end of our rope, and we have no more patience or "niceness" left in us. And it's because we bottle it up, bottle it up, bottle it up, for fear that we are labelled as the nagging wife. Then the bottle can't hold anymore, and the cork pops. I feel like we shouldn't have to ask, men should just know. So guys, take a hint when the eyes start rolling, and the huffing or the sighing begins. Those are the signs that the cork is going to pop!
Now back to the original purpose of this blog entry. This morning, I was annoyed because DH had left the gas fireplace on ALL NIGHT! Not only is this a waste of gas, but it also makes the rest of the house damn cold, especially when the thermostat is set lower for nighttime. I also happened to ask him if he had put gravy on the leftover dinners he prepared last night, to which the answer was no.
WHY?
WHY?
Ok, he knows I like gravy. He knows I believe it is practically a sin to waste gravy. He must know that, we've been together for 15 effing years now! And we've also had this "argument" before. So why would he neglect to use up the leftover gravy by putting it onto the leftover meat? To me, it just seems thoughtless and selfish. He totally was not thinking of me AT ALL.
I know it's such a small thing, but it just irks me so, because I know that D (my BIL) would NEVER EVER do that to my sister N. She is always in his thoughts. He is always thinking of her.
But really all that was said regarding that situation was "Did you...." and "Why not?" That is it. I didn't go on afterwards like I could have (and did in this blog), I left it at that. I didn't even huff. So really in all fairness, was I complaining there or nagging? I don't think so.
Then I brought up the fireplace because again, I thought it needed to be brought to his attention, and it's careless yet again. He knows, as I've told him before, that when he has the fire on at night (while staying up all hours watching tv) that it makes the upstairs frigid.
THOUGHTLESS.
So that, I did complain about. And he didn't like it. Not one bit. He hates when I complain about things (who doesn't really?) and he gets SOOOOOO DEFENSIVE!! And I only said one thing, but he considered it two. That in turn makes me mad. I mean, why shouldn't I be allowed once in a while to complain about something, point out something that is bothering me?
And here is where I get into a quandry. I try so hard not to be like my mother, complaining and nagging all the time, but on the other hand, I feel that we should be allowed to express our dissatisfaction about things. I really bottle a lot of things up. There are SOOOOO many things that I could complain about, and I don't, because I don't want to be a nagging wife. But then when am I allowed to say something. Should I just allow myself to be walked on? Are my concerns not relevant? So what exactly am I allowed to complain about, is what I want to know.
Here is another point of contention.
On the weekend, we helped my sis, S, move. This weekend also happened to be the start of DH's March break from school. So he has plans that he is going to paint my oldest's room. He was somewhat disgruntled on Saturday because I had told my mother and sister N that after we helped S, we would go over to their's for dinner. He "didn't expect to be gone all day, and had wanted to get started on R's room."
Well, too bad. I don't get to see my family as often as I like, and I'm not going to rush home and not see them just because he had plans he failed to mention to me. And I am sure that he wouldn't have carried those plans out anyway for a couple of reasons.
A) We ended up staying at N and D's later than normal because he couldn't tear himself away from the tv set and the gold medal curling game, so why would he have been stripping R's room if he was wanting to watch that?
B) He is currently upstairs playing the Wii. It is now 10:30 Monday morning, and he hasn't set foot in R's room.
So what was the big rush? I think he just didn't want to hang out with my family (why I don't know) and to that I say tough sh*t and if I have to hang out with his, then it goes both ways!! Never mind that the past few times I've been over to their place, he hasn't come.
So here we are again. Me, bottling it up. I could go upstairs and point out that he was so eager to get going on the room on Sat. and so what happened? I could even go up there and point out that he is being a lazy ass and to go get a job. But that's just getting a little bitchy, don'tcha think? (And yeah, I'm sitting here blogging, so that'd be a little like the pot calling the kettle black.)
But I won't.
Because again, I don't want to be labelled as a nagger.
So now I have to come up with a creative way to point out what he should be doing. Perhaps I will ask him if I should help him to start cleaning up in there, or moving furniture, or something of that nature.
See, woman also have to be creative and manipulative too.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Trying To Be Positive, And Failing
I've been severely neglecting my blog. There are a couple of reasons for this. One, I haven't been able to think of anything positive to write about, and I don't think I should always be writing about negative things. Two, I have been using my free time for reading online. It's my new obsession. I guess really what's the difference, reading online or in a book, it's just a waaaayy heavier book, LOL. It's just so much easier to find new material than trucking off to the library, standing in the stacks for ages trying to discern if you want this book or that, or if you'd like it, not to mention our library's severe lack of anything good to read due to the fact that it can't keep up with its population, AND on top of all that, having to keep an eye on and keep calm two silly boys. Whew. So that's what I've been up to.
The boys have settled into school, and we're all back into the routine quite nicely. I feel so ho hum about it all. The whole routine is rather dreary, but it does make the day go on faster. Get up at six, shower, dress, make lunches and breakfasts while greeting the other children randomly coming in, eat my own breakfast, get the kids ready for school, get the other kids ready to walk to school, start walking to school, several houses down the sidewalk stop and wait for the mom that can't seem to EVER get her act together to be at my house on time (sigh!) as she frantically pulls to the curb to dump her child into the stroller, drop the kids at school, blah, blah, blah. I won't make you go through the WHOLE day! Were you worried? LOL.
I wish I had more exciting things to write about. Like how my handsome well-muscled (and well-endowed, hee hee) sensitive caring husband found some fantastic well-paid job that only required him to work 9-5 (who?? oh yeah, this is my fantasy). Or maybe how I ran into an old friend who had a fantastic new exciting well-paying job opportunity just perfectly suited to me and my hours (detecting a theme yet?). But alas, no such news. Just the same old shit.
So what can I write about? I really can't find anything positve. I think of something, and it turns negative. Case in point. We went out for dinner Sat night for my MIL's 60th. My SIL chose the restaurant, a japanese place with teppan (the kind of place where they cook at your table). It was waaaaayy out in Mississauga, which for us is over an hour's drive. But still, we were happy to go as we both love that cuisine, and also it was a momentous occassion. The food was very yummy, and only one of us (R) didn't enjoy it, but that's no surprise, he hates everything. That's the positive.
Here's the negative. DH asked the server to put ours on a separate bill, but apparently, his dear sis had already told her to put it all on one bill. Why?? Why would you specifically ask the server to do that if you had no intentions of paying for the whole meal yourself? Of course, I would NEVER expect her to pay for our meal, but if you were going to make a point of telling the server to put it all on one bill instead of waiting until the end when the bill just showed up, it must mean you had something in mind? Am I crazy here, or what? Do you get what I'm saying? Even DH looked at me in a meaningful way when the server told us that. You know, the look that said, "I can't believe my sister is going to pay for the whole family!" So I quickly told him that I had some cash and I would hand it over later. So then comes the bill. I quickly did a mental calculation and tried to round up to the nearest ten each item, thinking that should take care of our portion of the tip. I forked over $120!! Thinking again (after I'd already handed it down the table) I realized that was pretty generous. I asked her if that was enough, and she nodded her head vigourously saying, "Oh, yes, more than enough!". But did she give me any of it back? NO! Did she make mention of her paying for it, or the reason for her placing it all on one bill? NO! WTH? There went my grocery money for the week. I can't believe we just spent that much money on one dinner! And we didn't even buy the kids a meal! We just ordered two appetizers and split our meals and apps with them!
My bday is on Friday, and we were planning to go out for dinner, but now I'm thinking we shouldn't be spending any more money, cause we can't really afford it!
So there you have it. I think it's quite impossible for me to write positive things. Sorry. I guess it's because I need to vent, and have no other way to do that.
The boys have settled into school, and we're all back into the routine quite nicely. I feel so ho hum about it all. The whole routine is rather dreary, but it does make the day go on faster. Get up at six, shower, dress, make lunches and breakfasts while greeting the other children randomly coming in, eat my own breakfast, get the kids ready for school, get the other kids ready to walk to school, start walking to school, several houses down the sidewalk stop and wait for the mom that can't seem to EVER get her act together to be at my house on time (sigh!) as she frantically pulls to the curb to dump her child into the stroller, drop the kids at school, blah, blah, blah. I won't make you go through the WHOLE day! Were you worried? LOL.
I wish I had more exciting things to write about. Like how my handsome well-muscled (and well-endowed, hee hee) sensitive caring husband found some fantastic well-paid job that only required him to work 9-5 (who?? oh yeah, this is my fantasy). Or maybe how I ran into an old friend who had a fantastic new exciting well-paying job opportunity just perfectly suited to me and my hours (detecting a theme yet?). But alas, no such news. Just the same old shit.
So what can I write about? I really can't find anything positve. I think of something, and it turns negative. Case in point. We went out for dinner Sat night for my MIL's 60th. My SIL chose the restaurant, a japanese place with teppan (the kind of place where they cook at your table). It was waaaaayy out in Mississauga, which for us is over an hour's drive. But still, we were happy to go as we both love that cuisine, and also it was a momentous occassion. The food was very yummy, and only one of us (R) didn't enjoy it, but that's no surprise, he hates everything. That's the positive.
Here's the negative. DH asked the server to put ours on a separate bill, but apparently, his dear sis had already told her to put it all on one bill. Why?? Why would you specifically ask the server to do that if you had no intentions of paying for the whole meal yourself? Of course, I would NEVER expect her to pay for our meal, but if you were going to make a point of telling the server to put it all on one bill instead of waiting until the end when the bill just showed up, it must mean you had something in mind? Am I crazy here, or what? Do you get what I'm saying? Even DH looked at me in a meaningful way when the server told us that. You know, the look that said, "I can't believe my sister is going to pay for the whole family!" So I quickly told him that I had some cash and I would hand it over later. So then comes the bill. I quickly did a mental calculation and tried to round up to the nearest ten each item, thinking that should take care of our portion of the tip. I forked over $120!! Thinking again (after I'd already handed it down the table) I realized that was pretty generous. I asked her if that was enough, and she nodded her head vigourously saying, "Oh, yes, more than enough!". But did she give me any of it back? NO! Did she make mention of her paying for it, or the reason for her placing it all on one bill? NO! WTH? There went my grocery money for the week. I can't believe we just spent that much money on one dinner! And we didn't even buy the kids a meal! We just ordered two appetizers and split our meals and apps with them!
My bday is on Friday, and we were planning to go out for dinner, but now I'm thinking we shouldn't be spending any more money, cause we can't really afford it!
So there you have it. I think it's quite impossible for me to write positive things. Sorry. I guess it's because I need to vent, and have no other way to do that.
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