Halloween

Does anyone else remember the Halloweens of our childhood?

I don't know what it was like for you, but I grew up in a rather small village. Now, the houses weren't all crowded together; far from it, they were greatly spaced apart. On Halloween night, it would take us a good two hours or more to go around the whole town. Our feet would be aching by the end. And we would have about a half a plastic grocery bag to show for it (more than enough!) I remember a school friend who lived on the outskirts of town who would get driven into town so she and her sister could trick or treat with their friends. Otherwise, she wouldn't have any fun where she lived.

Now, I live in a modern subdivision, in a city. On my street, the lots are slightly bigger than adjacent streets' lots. Across from my house and down a little is a crescent. On that street, the houses are rather packed together. And that's the hotspot. Kids come from other subdivisions to trick or treat in ours, because either they feel that their subdivision doesn't have enough houses, or they are too lazy to walk around to the houses spread farther apart.  They do the crescent across from me, and work their way back up our street. Some kids, by the time they get to my house, have told me they are on their second (!!!) pillow case! SECOND?! Really? And they've probably only been out for about a half hour.

When we were little, we gave out one piece of candy to each child. Not two, or three, or a handful. One. And everyone was ok with that and most said, "Thank you." Now, you're considered cheap if you hand out only one or two. This year, everyone is getting one from me. Maybe none if they tell me it's their second pillowcase!

We used to have kindly old neighbours that would bake us treats, or give us homemade caramel apples. Yum. We knew our neighbours. We knew most of the town, well, I guess that's what you get for a small town. But our neighbours would put a small tag on the cookie, or apple, or whatever that would say, "From the Johnsons" or whoever. And yes, we would get apples from some people, and no, we didn't care we actually would eat them! If I did that today, I know it would be a wasted effort, since most people wouldn't know who we were and would just throw it out.

We used to make our own costumes. I see very few kids these days with homemade costumes, and when I do, I am sure to praise them and comment on them. I appreciate the effort, even though we are guilty of the same thing here (store-bought costumes). Actually, the store-bought costumes from my youth weren't that great. They were plastic aprons basically, with fake ugly plastic face masks. You'd feel sorry for the kids that had to wear those. The best costumes were always the homemade ones made by the kids' moms or grandmas. They were the lucky kids. 

My dad used to delight in finding new ways to freak out the kids coming to our house. That was great. Again, we are guilty of not doing anything spooky or creative here, but it seems to be a dying art in general.

The only thing I feel that has actually gotten better about Halloween, is the pumpkin carving. No one in my youth ever had anything as elaborate as this:

Daycare Musings

Here I sit, watching and listening to the kids playing. Today I have three, which these days, is a lot. It`s sad, and I`m feeling kind of desperate. I`ve got to get some more kids in my daycare, or there`s going to be trouble! I don`t know what the problem is, maybe word has got out that I just suck, or something. I want to write LOL after that, but I`m really starting to wonder. I`ve had for the most part, two families leave me in the past month. I know the reasons mostly, but there`s always that doubt in my mind.
One family of the two little boys I love have a crazy schedule now. Mom is a cop, and dad is in fulltime school training to become a nurse. My hours don`t fit their needs, and if it was a case of bending a little on my hours, I`d likely do it, but the bending part would be too much in this case. Like, 6:30 am to 7 pm or something crazy like that. I`ve seen the kids getting picked up at school by a teenaged babysitter, and I miss them. So do my boys. Their mom and dad are both super-nice, and have always been very good to me. I`m sad to lose them, but life changes. There was never any official end date to their time with me, it just kind of happened, which is the sad part. Their mom was convinced, I guess in her mind, that she could make it work somehow for them to still come to me. Ah, well.
The second family I`m not so sad to say goodbye to. I`ve been waiting for this day for a LONG time! So this is the kid that has been a bee in my bonnet, the pebble in my shoe, the, well, you get it...I can`t remember the nickname I gave him previously on here, I think it may have been X, or PIMA (pain in my ass). He`s the one that never got along with my L, who drove me crazy. Finally, his mother has decided in a weird sort of way that he is old enough to go home on his own. We had an issue (of course we did, we ALWAYS had an issue) at the beginning of the school year. It involved him completely disobeying me, and while we were at the park, he took off to the surrounding small wooded area (which we call the forest, although it`s pretty small to be a forest). On occasion, I would let the older kids go off to play in there, while I stayed at the park with the younger ones. But there were rules. If the rules weren`t followed, then there were consequences, namely, no longer being allowed that freedom anymore.
On the evening I told his mother about his infraction, we discussed that he might be old enough (he`s turning 11 in November) to go home on his own. He was bored at my house, and of course the ongoing issue of not listening. My R, who is the same age, is more than mature enough for this himself (but that doesn`t mean X is!) and had generally lost most interest in playing with X anymore. Over that next weekend, X`s parents decided that they would give it a try. I no longer had to collect X from school, just his younger sister A, who is in grade two. And BTW, I like A, she is a sweet girl.
Now, I said earlier that this was in a weird sort of way his mother had decided. What I meant by that is that at first, she was very reticent to give him this freedom and responsibility. But instead of easing him into it by, for example, letting him go home on his own once or twice a week at first, or setting very strict rules, she just proverbially threw up her hands and said, "Go, be free!" I found out later that he wasn`t sent straight home from school to immediately call his mother to let her know he was there. He is allowed to leave school and go to the park, to the forest, or wherever and to be home at five.
Wow.
Perhaps I`m showing too much of my over-protective side here, but that just seems extreme to me. What if something happened to him? What if he left school at 3:20, went straight to the forest, fell out of a tree, or became kidnapped? His parents wouldn't know until he was missing for several hours. I know, I know, what if, what if.... I know when I was a kid, I roamed free, and I'm still here. Have times changed? Maybe. But when R goes to the park with his friend, I send him with my cell phone, just in case. He has been eased into his freedom, starting with small amounts of time of being left alone at home, and being allowed to walk to school alone and such. Then came walking to and from a friend's house alone, and then bike rides without an adult, taking the dog for a walk alone, and now he goes to the park with a friend, sans adult.
Anyway, it's her kid, her decision. I don't think this kid is mature enough to make the right decisions for himself or to handle that much freedom all of a sudden, but whatever.
So that's how I've lost a bunch of kids. A is only coming to me once or twice a week now at most, as I think her mom has adjusted her work hours in order to be home earlier or something. Maybe she realized she would rather save herself the money, I don't know.
Now I have Kady-bug three days per week, J is in JK now and is here once a week plus his alternate Fridays, and MM is my only fulltime kid. And her mom is having a baby in a month. So that will be it for her. Great. I'm starting to think I will have to get another job. Which will suck, because I have NO idea what to do, other than pour coffee at Tim's, or scan groceries at Zehr's. Which would mean I'd end up working weekends for sure and missing out on family time. Not good.
Maybe we just should win the lottery...

Not So Wheat Free

Yesterday our family finally got to do some more skiing! I've been wanting to go for weeks, but for one reason or another, we couldn't get out to go. So in the morning, I hopped right out of bed and into the shower at 7:30 and got everyone else motivated. Skiing is pretty much one of the only things that is going to get me out of bed and into the shower on a cold March Sunday morning!
Since I hadn't been feeling the best Saturday, I hadn't prepped anything that day/night to go skiing the next day, like a dinner for the slowcooker, or lunches or even snacks. So all I had time for in the morning was to throw some snacks into a bag along with waters and juice. This resulted in us having to buy our lunch from the ski chalet, which I do not like to do because it is always expensive!
Of course, buying lunch out from either a fast food restaurant or a cafeteria always presents problems to anyone with dietary restrictions. So after merely three weeks of sticking to my wheat-free diet, I had to either starve or break the diet. So break the diet I did.
I ordered a pulled pork sandwich on a soft white bun, and mmmmm, was it good. All afternoon I waited to see how my body would react to the gluten and aside from a very heavy lump in my stomach for a few hours (which also could have been because it was white bread), I had no adverse side effects. Not yet, anyway. I know I need to give my body a day or so to decide if it's ok with the wheat or not.
Anyhow, I know I'm not doing this diet because I have a huge problem with wheat; rather, I'm doing it for other reasons. It's good to know though, that I can handle a bit now and then.
But that's not the end of my story!
As we were finishing the last run for the day, R and I arrived back at the chalet only to turn around and wonder where L and DH were. When they didn't catch up soon after, I surmised that L must have fallen.
And fall he did.
He arrived back at the chalet with tears and a rather misshapen looking thumb. Yikes! DH took him to the first aid station, and about 15 minutes later, came back to get R and I and inform us that we were headed for an x-ray at the hospital.
I'll spare you all the boring waiting-around-the-emerg storyline, and just say that three hours later, we went home with a little guy with a splinted thumb, though not broken. (Thank GOD!) He had pulled the ligaments in his thumb when he fell against his ski pole, and caused an injury very common with skiers called "skier's thumb". The splint is to help him from accidentally knocking his thumb back and causing pain.
So while at the hospital, we were starving of course, since we were supposed to be headed home for dinner. Again, I had to break my diet and I went down to the Tim's and grabbed a bagel for R and a muffin for myself (L wasn't allowed to have anything until the Dr. saw him).
Now that I've had these two "forbidden" items after three weeks of being so strict with myself, I feel like it's going to be so much harder to tell myself no once again. But I'm going to keep trying, if anything, merely for the fact that I've lost a few pounds and felt far less bloated than usual. I think I'm going to let myself have something with wheat once a week, on a weekend, if the occasion calls for it. It will be my treat to myself for being "good" the rest of the week.

So Frustrating

Not knowing what to do in a situation can be one of the most frustrating things ever. Especially when the situation has happened before, and you did what your instincts told you to do, and everything was ok. But every situation has variables. No two are the same. Especially when it comes to L.
L is eight years old now. Not a teen, not even a pre-teen really. So when he shuts me out, and refuses to talk to me like a teenager might do to their parents, it DRIVES. ME. CRAZY!
I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I've never faced this problem before. And yeah, it's such a small problem in relation to other problems other kids have, but this is my dilemma, my blog.
Here's an example:
Yesterday, I picked him and other kids up from school. Outside the school there is a small hill, that's covered in ice. Not a safe situation, but a fun one for any kid not concerned with head injuries. The kids were playing on said hill, blowing off after-school steam. Everyone was fine. L was fine. L was happy.
I gave the "one more turn" warning, and after that, turned and left. Like the Pied Piper, children followed me.
As we approached home, I noticed the gloomy look on L's face. "Now, what?" I thought. I asked him what was wrong, and he ignored me. I tried to stop him walking and look in his eyes, but he wouldn't meet my gaze. I asked again, and again, he shrugged me off and pushed past to continue on home.
And again this morning. We were walking to school, everything was hunky-dory. L stopped to slide on some ice against my advice, and the other kids were still continuing on to school, so I did too. We were only next door to the school, and I left him behind. He was not crying, he wasn't shouting, "Wait!". He didn't seem to care. And he's 8, so he can manage to walk that short distance by himself.
When we arrived at the school, he had caught up, but had that disgruntled look on his face again. I asked what was wrong, and he wouldn't answer. Again.
This kind of thing just makes my blood boil. I can't even begin to describe the inner turmoil I feel, how ANGRY and FRUSTRATED it makes me feel! I want to take him, and shake him. I want to force him to tell me what is wrong, why he is behaving like this. I want to threaten him with punishments if he continues like this.
But I don't.
It takes EVERYTHING, every ounce of control I have to walk away and leave it be. Because there isn't anything I can do. It's out of my hands. It's out of my control.
But it's not right. He shouldn't be shutting me out. Not at his age. He is still young, I feel. Logically, your mother should be the one you turn to for comfort at his age. He should be looking to me to make it better. Why is he bottling up these feelings? Is it to punish me? To make me hurt too? Because that's what it feels like.
And the frustrating thing about it is that I can't see what the sudden mood swing is from. What happened between minutes 35 and 36 of that hour? He wasn't hurt, he wasn't shouted at, he wasn't ridiculed or poked fun of. What was it?
It angers me too, because he is ignoring me, and to ignore someone when they ask you a question is just the height of rudeness in my book. And you don't ignore your parents.
So what do I do? Do I continue to question him, to demand an answer because he should not be getting away with this behaviour? Is it just bad behaviour, another form of manipulation?
Or do I leave him alone, respect his wishes? Do I allow him his privacy to brood? Do I recognize that maybe he can't help this behaviour?
But bottling up your emotions isn't healthy, right? Doesn't that lead to more problems? Shouldn't he be forced to explain what he's feeling?
The dark looks directed at me during these times (and those two examples are MERELY the tip of the iceberg!) scream to me that his ire is focused on me. That I've done something wrong, or that he wants me to notice that he's upset at something. But if the goal is to get me to notice something is wrong, then bloody well tell me what it is!!
So if he has a problem, a real issue with feelings and sorting through them, then I need to help him. But I don't know how.
And if it's a behaviour thing, then the answer to me is obvious; I need to ignore the behaviour and show him that if he wants attention, he can get it by cooperating.

The End Of An Era

Ok, maybe not an era, but it's the end of an age, a term, a life-stage.

Next month I'm getting my tubes tied. And I'm a little sad, but mostly I know this is the right decision. Let's face it, 38 is getting a little old to have a baby. And please don't be offended if you're reading this and you're pregnant and like, forty or something. I'm not judging others, I'm just saying 38 is too old for ME to have another child.

Intentionally.

I'd be freaking out but also happy if I found out I was pregnant right now. It definitely wouldn't be an intentional thing though. I know lots of people get pregnant "accidentally", but how "accidental" is it, really?

"The condom broke" : Really? How rough are you when putting it on? Those things are pretty tough!

"My pill didn't work" : Hm. There are things that can affect the efficiency of the pill, but if you're on a medication, you should educate yourself! Mostly, I think people aren't taking it properly. I've had moments when I worried about being pregnant while on the pill, and it's NEVER happened. Even with me screwing up the day I should have started the next month's pack, or missing a pill in the middle, it still hasn't happened.

"We were using the withdrawal method" : Ok, and you're surprised about being pregnant?

Anyway, we're done. As much as I love my kids, and love babies, I just can't imagine starting all over again. The lack of sleep, being a slave to someone helpless, not owning my own body for years, the sickness and all the other fun pregnancy symptoms, the added stress of someone else to worry about - all things I can live happily without.

So next month when I go in for my cyst removal, I'm also getting my tubes tied. Might as well, since they will already have me there on the table and in that same area.

Mostly I'm sad because the biggest pat of it is that it means I'm getting old. Moving past the child-bearing years is huge to me. Too old to have kids = too old in general.

At least I don't have grey hair yet.

Internet Safety

Don't you think it's cool how you can go onto your blogger interface and see how people reach your blog? I just discovered this today, and saw that my post, Megamind Review was my most popular one! I can see that someone reached it by googling : Megamind Easter Bunny Queen of England. It's all very interesting how the internet works, and how one person can reach billions in the blink of an eye, and how nothing is private anymore either. One day, I'm sure, we'll be able to tell exactly who that person was that googled: Megamind Easter Bunny Queen of England, where they live, and what they look like, without having to be a  hacker even! (Ummm, not that I would want to!)
As my boys are getting older, I find I'm having to delve into the whole world of internet privacy. I'm so glad that they reinforce it at school. This is an issue we were never faced with as children, and our parents didn't have to deal with. I'm still learning about it.
Recently, both my two got email accounts. L doesn't really care about it, because he loathes reading and especially writing, but I got it because they both wanted Moshi Monster accounts and I didn't want to give them my email addresses to use, and they both needed two separate emails. R is on the fence about it. I got his set up because a friend of ours (whose daughters used to come to my daycare before they moved) set her daughter up on Facebook. Being a 10 year old girl and much more social than my two boys, she was very excited about it. She and R have been friends since they were toddling naked around my kitchen (that's a story best saved for their wedding~hey! I have my dreams too!) and I figured that despite the over-an-hour driving distance between us now, they could find a way to stay in touch through email.
Of course, me being the internet addict and social networking freak of the family, I was at him to check his emails wanting to know if she had written back or not. After a while, he got tired of it. He was nowhere nearly as enthusiastic as I had expected or hoped he would be. I just don't understand it. Isn't it exciting to discover a new email in your inbox? Isn't the anticipation of a written message delightful? As a kid, I used to write letters to my grandparents. Getting that letter back in the mail was the best thing ever! Email is so much better! No two-week-long waits in between letters.
Ah, well. I guess it's a female thing.
But back to the internet privacy.
I had to warn them of course to not open spam, to not reply to people they don't know, or addresses they are unsure about. It was kind of an eye-opener. It showed me how much more they have to learn about it all, and made me realize how I need to maybe rethink my own internet safety. You know that I don't put their full names here. I try to keep them somewhat anonymous that way. I try to limit details about where exactly we live, and to not have too many pictures (if any) with their faces. I'm not exactly sure if that is effective at all with protecting them, and I'm not even sure what I might be protecting them from. I'm naive about this stuff but just following the lead of some other friends who also blog.
So all this made me pause to think the other day, when I sat down to sign all the millions of forms that came home from school. One of them was a consent to allow their pictures to be taken and names to be published. It had a long list of checkboxes, including one for if the media came to the school would we allow our children to be filmed or photographed? There was also one asking for permission to print their names and achievements in the school newsletter and on the school website.
That's where I stopped checking yes. If I don't want to print their full names here, where no one knows where we live (except my near and dearest readers), then would I or should I allow their names and pictures to be displayed for anyone to see where they can also see where they attend school? After thinking about it, I checked no. I'm far too much of a worry-wart, I know. But there are weirdos out there....
I'm sure I'm just being paranoid. I'm wondering what other blogging moms checked, or will check when that day comes?

Camping Trip

In the past few days, I've been perusing my favourite internet shopping sites and looking to see if they have started selling winter and skiing gear. **ducks head**
I know, I know, you are screaming at me that I'm crazy.
It's not that I can't wait for winter, because I can, it's just that I do love window shopping online, and as I've said before, my secret obsession is buying outerwear.
Yes, I'm weird.
The number of times I actually purchase anything is really minimal, but I can still dream, right?
Anyhow, back to summer.
We have only one week left until school begins, and I'm still unsure as to whether I'm happy or sad about that. More sad, I think.
In an effort to take advantage of the good weather while it's still here, we decided to go camping last weekend in Arrowhead Provincial Park that is in Huntsville.
We had a pretty good time, even though my DH really doesn't like car camping. He says it's not "real" camping, but sleeping in a tent practically on the ground, having to hike to the bathroom and cooking outdoors is real enough for me.
When I was a kid, my dad used to take my sister N and I camping quite a bit. I don't really remember many camping trips involving my younger siblings (S and A), nor my mother, so I'm guessing she declined a lot in favour of staying behind with the littler ones and a comfortable bed and private washroom. We used to take hikes through the woods, and my dad would point out all the flora and fauna and fungi that he could identify, and the ones he couldn't as well. Any love of nature I have is due to him. I think if he had never done this, exposed us to camping and nature, I really wouldn't be very outdoorsy at all. And I'm pretty lacking in that area as it is. So, thank you Dad.
The coolest part of our nature hikes were looking at all the fungi and mushrooms. We really don't know any names of any of them, but always found them fun to look at and poke. Here are some pictures of our trip and wildlife. Sorry they are all out of order and mixed up. I still can't figure out how to get them the way I want...Hope you like 'em!

At the falls in the park. The sign says "no swimming" but everyone does anyway. Who can resist a natural jacuzzi?

Some awesome fungi. I really like the one above, it looks like lacy coral to me.

Above, the boys climbing the falls (probably not the best idea), and below, L holding a salamander found in a rotting log.

Below, a shot from our canoe ride.

The falls again.

R taking a turn to paddle the canoe. He did really well!

This guy (a great blue heron) was hanging out at the bottom of the falls watching everyone watching him.

Summer's End

Summer feels like it has gone both quickly, and slowly. Weird, I know. On one hand, I can scarcely believe that we have only two weeks + a day left until the first day of school, but on the other, it feels like my kids have been home for ages. Again, I am feeling bad sometimes because we really haven't done much with our summer. We've been to the local beaches several times, and of course to the parks a lot and the splash pad twice, but I feel somehow that we really haven't got much out of our summer. We haven't been camping, we haven't gone on enough bike rides or walks, we've done nearly no summer attractions, such as Wonderland, Ontario Place, etc...
I can't help but feel badly about that, but it's just not in our budget. We did go to a small local zoo last week with Kady-bug, as she was the only daycare kid I had for the day. That was fun, but still cost me a pretty penny, even with the toddler being free. I just don't want my kids to grow up and think back on their summer vacations and realize how boring they really were. I'm lucky that my kids are home-bodies like me. They really just like being home and hanging out with their Lego and toys. I guess I shouldn't complain if they aren't complaining. Really I think it's just me. I'm so bored lately. So bored with my life. I am missing the routine of school (I just don't miss the lunch-making), I am missing the after-school sports/activities. I am tired of the same walls, the same tv programming, the same internet pages, the same view outside my window and in my neighbourhood. I miss talking to other moms at the school yard.
I'm not really anxious for school to get started though. It means so many unpleasant things, mainly the passage of time. I know, I know, whether there is school or not makes no difference on how time moves, but it seems that once school starts, time flies. My babies are growing up, and much too fast. R starts grade five this year (!!) and L grade 3. I know that in the blink of an eye, it will be Hallowe'en, and then another blink, boom, Christmas, and then another and it's February and we're all looking forward to spring. Another blink and it's the end of another school year. Before I know it, they'll be graduating.
Sniff.
Of course, along with that unpleasant thing are others that come with school. Making lunches (yes, I had to mention that again because I despise it so), early mornings, earlier bedtimes, grumpier L, dealing with teachers, dealing with issues, and the exponential increase in exposure to illnesses.
Yes, I'm a hypochondriac of sorts. I hate dealing with illness, the kids', mine or hubby's. And guaranteed every September as soon as school starts, so do the illnesses. And this year R is in a portable, which means even more chance of him getting sick. Yes, it's not a proven thing, but just think about it. A closed-in environment, one room with no great ventilation, thirty kids breathing/coughing/sneezing on each other and most of them do not wash their hands at all.
Sigh.
And I will miss my boys. Yes, they've driven me crazy with fighting at times. But mostly, they've been pretty good all summer. I like having them around. It kills me to think when they're at school that the teacher sees more of them than I do. I guess that's probably the way parents feel when they send their kids off to daycare.
So I have this week off and I am desperate to fill the days with fun activities we can look back on during the winter months and remember fondly.
I just have no idea what those things will be. Anyone have any great (cheap) ideas?

FREAKIN' FLIES!!!

There's nothing I hate more than bugs, except maybe bugs in my house! A week ago or so, I was dealing with mysterious maggots. This week, despite my best efforts to seek out and destroy all of them and their source, it seems the little buggers have matured, and after the long weekend away at the cottage, I returned home to a house full of flies!

UGH!!

It's sooooo disgusting! It was so bad, that we actually opened up all the windows and doors hoping most of them would fly out. I am usually screaming at reminding the kids to hurry and close the screens/doors so the flies and assorted bugs don't get in. But for the one or two flies that flew into the house during this "open house", probably about five to ten flew out.

Now, two days later, I am still finding random flies buzzing around. And it annoys me so much! Because I can't figure out where the hell they're coming from! I took the compost garbage out before we left for the weekend. There was nothing in the regular garbage bin like old meat trays that would attract the pests. Nevertheless, I wasted a garbage bag just to empty the garbage can of it's pitiful contents so I could be sure. We cleaned the guinea pigs out. I cleaned the whole main part of the house, and all the bathrooms. I can't detect a rogue, rotting smell anywhere (and I have a pretty good smeller).

Just now the boys informed me that there were quite a few more of the bothersome creatures zooming around in the basement. So I went down there and went through the same routine. Emptied the garbages. Sniffed around. Searched for rancid or rotting food.

Nothing so far.

Tomorrow, when I have no daycare kids here, I am going to scour that basement. It's something I LOATHE doing, because it takes me all day, and it's like having to go to work for free on your day off. But as much as I hate it, I hate those pesky vermin even more.