Feb 16

I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it up, the daily updates thing. Well, I'm trying.
So I left off at Wednesday night. That was a tough night emotionally. Funny how things look brighter in the morning.
I awoke Thursday after less than ample hours of sleep with a heavy heart. I was facing the daunting task of getting L off to school for the whole day today. The first whole day in a week.
Strangely, he got himself up early (for a school day) and I found him in the bathroom playing with his new toy he'd purchased for himself the night before. It's a gun that shoots these gelatin-like beads. Messy, I know,but I gave up long ago fighting that innate male need for weapons in this house. But that's another story...
I think that he had remembered what I'd said Wednesday night, BEFORE his meltdown. We had discussed him playing with it in the morning, after he was ready for school. I'd also given him warnings that he wasn't to give me a hard time when it was time to come inside (yes, it's an outdoor toy!) or he would lose it for a day.
But that was the night before. It didn't necessarily mean that he would adhere to it that day. But he got up,got dressed,had breakfast and got his bag ready for school. Then, when I said it was time to leave for school, get this -
he said........
OK.
?
He came and got his school bag, and off we went to school like I had the most normal child ever. He even said goodbye to me at school.
I don't get it. Was it the new toy? Was it because it was Valentine's Day, and therefore not much work? Was it because we were taking the day off Friday for skiing?
Whatever it was, it was a nicer day.
After school, he had a friend over, someone he hadn't had over for quite awhile. They were BFFs in JK/SK but seemed to have grown apart lately, perhaps because his mom had taken a new job and therefore their schedules didn't work so well for play dates anymore. I'm glad they reconnected.
Friday we went skiing with my sister N and her two. The day was...well, not as great as I had hoped. I guess my expectation was that L would enjoy the day, would want to hang with his little cousins, maybe even take on a bit of a teaching role.
Mostly, he skied with his brother, going up ahead on the chairlift with him, and waiting at the bottom of the hill for us. He started to get somewhat grumpy throughout the morning, and I wondered aloud to my sis if maybe it was jealousy. I was spending more time with my sis, niece and nephew than him. At one point L and I got some one-on-one time, that didn't go well. He was grumpy, and easily frustrated, and getting angry with me for really no reason at all. His typical lead-up to a meltdown. I was getting annoyed too, because I don't know where this was coming from. He wasn't hungry, he hadn't fallen down, yet he was getting moody and accusing me of stuff I wasn't doing, like "yelling" at him, getting angry at him, and the final straw:
           -when we finally got onto the chairlift (the lineup was long) he changed his mind at the last second the position we would take on the chair, which led to much hurried shifting and scuffling. I chastised him then, telling him he couldn't change his mind at the last minute like that. As we were seated, he accused me of kicking him. Kicking him?! What?! Why would I do that? That was it, I lost my temper.
You know that moment when the word are coming out of your mouth, and you're hearing yourself say them, but it's like you're having an out-of-body experience? One part of you is ranting, while the other part is saying, "Shut up! Shut up now! What are you saying?"
It was like that. I started saying that I was tired of his attitude, I didn't want to hear it anymore, I didn't want to be around him anymore (yikes,I know) and that he would go straight to the chalet to get out of his ski stuff and wait until we were finished skiing. He was done.
The horrified other part of me was thinking,"Here we go, meltdown coming. He's going to get off this lift,ski away from me and won't speak for the rest of the day."
Oddly enough, much to my shock, he said he would stop, that he wanted to ski more. I was stunned!
But then we went back to meet the others to decide on the next run, and he apparently fell over. While we were standing still. I didn't see it,but I did see him freak out on his skis, and he started to hit them with his poles. I told him to stop, and he said he was done. I think he was tired, which was fine, because his cousin M was tired too.
So it was a good and not great day all at the same time. No big meltdowns, but minor freak-outs that I didn't really expect.
I'm glad my sis was all up to date on L and his issues,because its hard not to feel embarrassed when someone else is witnessing your 9 year old have a spaz attack on his skis for absolutely no reason.