Feb 23

I guess I had this naive idea that weekend nights would be better than week nights. Generally, they are, and I suppose I'd come to expect that they just should be.
But tonight wasn't great. The day had been good, but ended when DH got angry at L for whining. Actually, it started with L repeating over and over again a line from an annoying song. While it was nice that he was happy enough to sing, the song was less than desirable to have in my head, and he was asked to stop several times. So after about the third time, DH told him to stop. L said, "Sooooorrrreeeeee" in a very whiny voice which led to DH telling him to stop whining, more whining, and so on. He stormed off upstairs. After about twenty minutes, DH went up to see how he was, but he wouldn't speak to him or make eye contact.
Eventually,I went up and we had a conversation. I tried to explain to him that he shouldn't have been whining, that all he needed to do was stop, take a breath, maybe count to ten and proceed in a calm normal voice to say he was sorry.
He tried to tell me that daddy ruined his perfectly happy day (uh-huh, yeah) and it went from there. I can't recount everything we said, because our conversations seem to go in circles. Me saying something logical, him twisting it and being far too literal, me reiterating and trying to fine-tune my message, him interrupting me with a completely far-fetched and loosely connected scenario trying to prove me wrong, and so on....
Somehow we came around to going out to pick a "prize", to try this incentive program. He started crying saying he'll never be able to earn it. I don't know if he's feeling overwhelmed and defeated before he starts,or if he's just setting himself and me up for his failure, so he doesn't really have to even try. I laid down some rules for earning a piece of puzzle towards this prize, hoping that would ease his mind and show him that it's achievable. But he was in just too negative a frame of mind.
The evening ended with him trying to tape his bedroom doorknob up so it couldn't be turned, then me leaving without really saying a proper goodnight, because apparently he hates himself and (said screaming because I started to walk away at this point) he HATES HIS FAMILY!!
I just long for those days when we'd get a hug and kiss (soooooo long ago) and an "I love you Mommy, night-night."