Feb 19

Ignore the spelling, it's not his strong suit.

This is the message I found in L's room waiting for me. He did it this morning, when he was supposed to be getting dressed for school. He didn't want to go to school this morning, of course, but it wasn't as bad this morning as some others mornings. I wasn't great either. My plan to wake him earlier and hopefully schedule in that delay/stall time of his worked, but only just. I need to schedule in more I think. I woke him around 7:10, got out his clothes (it's just one less step for him to use as an excuse to go slower if I do it) and he still wasn't dressed and downstairs before 8. At that point I was getting very annoyed, and ended up yelling, just a little though. And he did get fair warning too, like, "You are starting to make me very angry!" and the like, stated MANY times! 

Well, I did get him off to school, and after school he seemed fairly happy. We had a weird altercation with a friend who was supposed to come over to play, but never did, but to avoid a long story, L ended up having a different friend over to play, one whom I like much better anyway. 

Bedtime wasn't too bad, he kept delaying it by stalling, but I'll take that over the crying and lamenting of late. 

FEB 20

This morning was more stalling to get dressed, but I tempted him downstairs with fresh mango. He wasn't too bad with going off to school, but I never got a goodbye as usual. I don't know whether to make a big deal about that or not. It bugs me, of course. I've gotten used to no longer getting a goodbye hug (sadly), but lately, this ignoring me when I say goodbye to him really annoys me. It's rude, quite frankly, and I've always tried to teach my kids manners as best I can. I understand that he's annoyed about having to go to school, and that I'm the scapegoat, and I've come to terms with that. He has to be angry with someone, and I'd rather he be angry with me than himself, or his brother, or another kid. But should I make him say goodbye? It's another battle I just don't think I've got it in me to fight. I want to stick to my principles, to my guns, and tell him that's extremely rude to not acknowledge someone when they talk to you. But is it worth it? If I do fight this fight, I think all I'm going to get is a sour look and maybe a mumbled "bye"anyway. And that's not what I want. 

I want a happy bye. Or at least a goodbye with a resigned look or something. 

So tonight was a late night. It seems bedtime is getting later, instead of earlier. He's had some homework these past few nights, so I felt like it would ease some of the pain of it if I let him have his playtime afterwards. Well,playtime led to tv time, which always becomes, "But I just wanna watch thiiisssssss......" and I end up letting them stay up to see the end of whatever they're watching. 

Then came the in-bed lamenting. Tonight it was something to do with how he wants to invent stuff, but no one will understand him, and he can't do it in this body, and why can't no one be famous and everyone be the same, and when I finally realized the stall tactics and left, it was a screamed out "IM STUPID!!!" which I ignored. 

All I can say is that I'm just glad I didn't have to endure the "I hate my life, I have no friends, I want to die, I wish someone could understand and I can't take this anymore" tonight. That's harder to take, and especially hard leaving your son to cry himself to sleep. 

Tomorrow we have another appt with the lady from the children's mental health place, and he also has an appt with his paediatrician. I'm curious to know what he'll say.