Friday, October 22, 2010

A Little Bummed

Today I'm feeling a little bummed. When I get like this, I try to remind myself of all the things I have to be thankful for. But it doesn't always work. So I'm going to write why I'm bummed and then write something positive to balance that.
Next week I was supposed to be off. I was supposed to be going on vacation to Florida, where we would visit Disney for the first time (for the boys). It didn't work out. And now we are stuck with Air Miles airline tickets that my dad graciously gave us and having to fake an illness soon so we can get a doctor's note to get the air miles (and some money) back. There's no other way, trust me. However, since I am a terrible liar and I feel guilt waaaaayyy too much, I am sending DH to the clinic tomorrow or Sunday to make up a story about being sick all night or whatever.
So I am bummed because I keep thinking about how this time in a few days we would have been having the time of our lives. I've got to stop that.
I wish I could tell you all the reason why we can't go, but I can't for now although those of you that know me best will already know. Things just haven't been progressing like we had hoped.
I was paying bills today and that also bums me out.
Every. Single. Time.
But the bill situation and the other unmentionable situation are linked directly and I don't know why I mentioned that but there you go.
So now, something positive. I must remember that despite my situations, we are all healthy, we have a roof over our heads, warm clothes and food to eat. We also have friends and family that love us.
So for next week, I told all the parents that I was "open" once again, and that they could send their kids if they hadn't made alternate arrangements. And can you believe that every single family is sending their kids at least a few days?! I guess no one made alternate arrangements. Perhaps they were all waiting for me to cancel my plans, or they were just planning on calling in sick to work for the week, I don't know. So while I am glad that I will once again be making some money, I am still sad that I won't be getting a vacay.
Now for the positive part. As it turns out, I will get to go on a school trip to the zoo with L, since DH is off for the week (his break from school which is why we chose that week originally for a holiday) he will look after the other kids that day *hee hee doing a little dance*. We also don't have to miss the Beavers/Cubs trip to the farm next week either. I was also supposed to be going on a school trip with R, but that one got cancelled :(
DH has been EXTREMELY busy this week with studying. Here's the part about being the supportive wife. It's hard. So hard. He hasn't been around much at all. Most mornings he has left by 8 or even 7, and hasn't been returning until the boys are in bed. They've barely seen him. Then last night, he went to a school friend's cottage for the night to "celebrate the end of exams and relax."
Well, must be nice for him.
I am really really trying to not be a bitch about this. Really I am. I am trying to think of it from his POV and I'm trying to be happy that he has some friends and is being social, because we both suffer from that equally (the lack of friends and consequent lack of social life). But seriously?? I am under just as much stress and pressure as he is here. When he is gone, I have to pick up the slack. I am dealing with kids almost 24/7 (not counting sleeping hours, I guess, although technically even though they are old enough to be sleeping through the night I am still responsible for them). I am suffering from all the same stresses regarding our finances, the "situation" and the consequences of said "situation", the vacation ordeal and day-to-day stuff. So when do I get my "relaxation" and celebration? Huh? Does it ever occur to him that I need away time too? It's not like he's said I can't have away time, it's just...I don't know...he didn't even ask me if it was ok if he went away. He just stated it.
"I'm going away."
So next week, he sure as shit isn't going to be sitting around on his ass playing Wii or going to meet the guys for drinks. He is going to have a list a mile long of things he needs to do, or he's going to hear about it. And I'm starting that list today.
Incidentally, I am getting away for a small amount of time on Sunday. A couple of the moms from Beavers/Cubs and I are going to the movies to see that one about the couple that gets custody of a baby. Some comedy. I can't remember the name of it. At this point, it could be a documentary on the Civil War for all I care, as long as I get to get out of this F**ing house without kids!!! So I get a few hours at least of away time.
Well, at least today is Friday, that is something to be happy about. And I don't have X today, so there's another positive. I don't have him until next Wed, yay!

1 comment:

  1. Men are stupid. I would be pissed and not silent.

    Enjoy the show.