Thursday, January 12, 2012

Update on L

So back in November I posted a little about L, and the troubles he was having. Finally, this week, we had a doctor's appointment. I have to say, I felt kind of weird making him go to the doctor when he isn't physically sick, and he was a little confused too. It's not like we ever go there at all really. As you can see, this is how long I had to wait to get him in to even see the doctor. So we don't go there for other stuff, like sore throats, or sore ears, or anything that needs to be looked at within the next day or so. And because the appointments are so difficult to make (between the scarcity of them and mine and DH's schedules), my kids never have check-ups either. I think the last time they had one they were toddlers. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure my Dr.'s office DOES check-ups. There are all kinds of weird restrictions they have, like "only one problem at a time" (SERIOUSLY? What if the two problems are related?) and they don't do vaccinations either. You have to go to the public health office for those. Sigh.
Anyway, I'm getting off topic.
L went with DH, since I had other kids to look after. Plus, I felt like I might turn into Hysterical Sobbing Mother if I had to talk about this out loud to another person, so I felt DH was the better choice here. He's more level-headed than I when it comes to the kids. He's the one that says, "He's fine," when the kids tell me they have a headache, while I'm thinking, "OMG, do we need an MRI?"
I gave him a small list of my biggest concerns, and when DH came home after dropping L off at school for the day, he said the Dr. is referring him to a pediatrician. The good part of this is that he took it all seriously. He didn't blow it off, although a part of me did want him to just say, "You worry too much, he's fine."
Of course the not-so-good part is that he said he may have a form of childhood depression. And also, the fact that now we will have to wait months and months I'm sure for anything else to be done. Getting a pediatrician appt in this town is next to impossible. I'm sure it will be at least July if we're lucky.
He also said it could simply be something is bothering him; something he can't even figure out himself. But of course, he isn't exactly qualified to make any sort of diagnosis. He isn't a specialist, only a family doctor.
And then of course, we will have to wait for the pediatrician to refer us to a further specialist.
So much waiting. And we haven't even begun. I feel badly for the parents who have children with disablilities and are waiting for support services. It must be agonizing.
Right now, I can just thank god that he isn't too bad. He hasn't had a really "down" episode since that one. His need isn't as urgent as others, although that doesn't make it less important. I've been trying to do some reading on childhood depression, but I need to delve deeper. If I could find the time. That kind of reading calls for uninterrupted quiet time, something scarce around here.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The End Of An Era

Ok, maybe not an era, but it's the end of an age, a term, a life-stage.

Next month I'm getting my tubes tied. And I'm a little sad, but mostly I know this is the right decision. Let's face it, 38 is getting a little old to have a baby. And please don't be offended if you're reading this and you're pregnant and like, forty or something. I'm not judging others, I'm just saying 38 is too old for ME to have another child.

I'd be freaking out but also happy if I found out I was pregnant right now. It definitely wouldn't be an intentional thing though. I know lots of people get pregnant "accidentally", but how "accidental" is it, really?

"The condom broke" : Really? How rough are you when putting it on? Those things are pretty tough!

"My pill didn't work" : Hm. There are things that can affect the efficiency of the pill, but if you're on a medication, you should educate yourself! Mostly, I think people aren't taking it properly. I've had moments when I worried about being pregnant while on the pill, and it's NEVER happened. Even with me screwing up the day I should have started the next month's pack, or missing a pill in the middle, it still hasn't happened.

"We were using the withdrawal method" : Ok, and you're surprised about being pregnant?

Anyway, we're done. As much as I love my kids, and love babies, I just can't imagine starting all over again. The lack of sleep, being a slave to someone helpless, not owning my own body for years, the sickness and all the other fun pregnancy symptoms, the added stress of someone else to worry about - all things I can live happily without.

So next month when I go in for my cyst removal, I'm also getting my tubes tied. Might as well, since they will already have me there on the table and in that same area.

Mostly I'm sad because the biggest pat of it is that it means I'm getting old. Moving past the child-bearing years is huge to me. Too old to have kids = too old in general.

At least I don't have grey hair yet.