Monday, September 28, 2009

Trying To Be Positive, And Failing

I've been severely neglecting my blog. There are a couple of reasons for this. One, I haven't been able to think of anything positive to write about, and I don't think I should always be writing about negative things. Two, I have been using my free time for reading online. It's my new obsession. I guess really what's the difference, reading online or in a book, it's just a waaaayy heavier book, LOL. It's just so much easier to find new material than trucking off to the library, standing in the stacks for ages trying to discern if you want this book or that, or if you'd like it, not to mention our library's severe lack of anything good to read due to the fact that it can't keep up with its population, AND on top of all that, having to keep an eye on and keep calm two silly boys. Whew. So that's what I've been up to.

The boys have settled into school, and we're all back into the routine quite nicely. I feel so ho hum about it all. The whole routine is rather dreary, but it does make the day go on faster. Get up at six, shower, dress, make lunches and breakfasts while greeting the other children randomly coming in, eat my own breakfast, get the kids ready for school, get the other kids ready to walk to school, start walking to school, several houses down the sidewalk stop and wait for the mom that can't seem to EVER get her act together to be at my house on time (sigh!) as she frantically pulls to the curb to dump her child into the stroller, drop the kids at school, blah, blah, blah. I won't make you go through the WHOLE day! Were you worried? LOL.

I wish I had more exciting things to write about. Like how my handsome well-muscled (and well-endowed, hee hee) sensitive caring husband found some fantastic well-paid job that only required him to work 9-5 (who?? oh yeah, this is my fantasy). Or maybe how I ran into an old friend who had a fantastic new exciting well-paying job opportunity just perfectly suited to me and my hours (detecting a theme yet?). But alas, no such news. Just the same old shit.

So what can I write about? I really can't find anything positve. I think of something, and it turns negative. Case in point. We went out for dinner Sat night for my MIL's 60th. My SIL chose the restaurant, a japanese place with teppan (the kind of place where they cook at your table). It was waaaaayy out in Mississauga, which for us is over an hour's drive. But still, we were happy to go as we both love that cuisine, and also it was a momentous occassion. The food was very yummy, and only one of us (R) didn't enjoy it, but that's no surprise, he hates everything. That's the positive.

Here's the negative. DH asked the server to put ours on a separate bill, but apparently, his dear sis had already told her to put it all on one bill. Why?? Why would you specifically ask the server to do that if you had no intentions of paying for the whole meal yourself? Of course, I would NEVER expect her to pay for our meal, but if you were going to make a point of telling the server to put it all on one bill instead of waiting until the end when the bill just showed up, it must mean you had something in mind? Am I crazy here, or what? Do you get what I'm saying? Even DH looked at me in a meaningful way when the server told us that. You know, the look that said, "I can't believe my sister is going to pay for the whole family!" So I quickly told him that I had some cash and I would hand it over later. So then comes the bill. I quickly did a mental calculation and tried to round up to the nearest ten each item, thinking that should take care of our portion of the tip. I forked over $120!! Thinking again (after I'd already handed it down the table) I realized that was pretty generous. I asked her if that was enough, and she nodded her head vigourously saying, "Oh, yes, more than enough!". But did she give me any of it back? NO! Did she make mention of her paying for it, or the reason for her placing it all on one bill? NO! WTH? There went my grocery money for the week. I can't believe we just spent that much money on one dinner! And we didn't even buy the kids a meal! We just ordered two appetizers and split our meals and apps with them!

My bday is on Friday, and we were planning to go out for dinner, but now I'm thinking we shouldn't be spending any more money, cause we can't really afford it!

So there you have it. I think it's quite impossible for me to write positive things. Sorry. I guess it's because I need to vent, and have no other way to do that.

Monday, September 7, 2009

School Rants

Today is Labour Day. The last day off of the summer. Officially, summer isn't over, but technically it is. School starts tomorrow, and can I say, I am NOT looking forward to that! Back to making lunches, emptying lunchboxes and cleaning the contents every damn day. Back to walking back and forth to the school, trying to keep track of everyone and braving any weather thrown our way. Ok, I actually like the walking part, just not the part where I have to drag everyone with me. And back to facing the tears.

Oh, the tears. Just last week at the mere mention of the one week left till school, L was in tears. Full on bawling. And I feel for him. He is still my baby, and sometimes I look at him and think, "he's too young to be in school all day, away from his mommy." We had many tears during the two years of Kindergarten (JK and SK here). He never really resigned himself to the fact that he had to go. And this year, he truly does. It's the law, and if I don't send him, then I have to teach him myself, and that ain't gonna happen!

So here's my rant. I hate his teacher he had last year. Let's call her Cow. Cow had never taught kindergarten before last year. She looked to me to be about 20 years old. Not married. No kids. Obviously didn't have much education around teaching young children. And no. They don't have nearly enough of that in Teacher's College. And yes. Teaching K is A LOT DIFFERENT than teaching grade schoolers. The children are still very young, and their abilities are very diversified, plus the way they view the world and think is different. You have to be FLEXIBLE, and ADAPT. Something Cow didn't know how to do. You can't lump them all into the same group and expect them all to mold to your expectations. She thought she knew how to teach K, based on her 5 minutes of training.

So she thought that she "knew" my child somehow. Or rather she thought she "knew" how he "should" be. God. She thought that he should be split up from his very best friend, a boy who is so much like him in personality, a boy who had as much of a hard time adjusting to school as he did, and the boy who, if it weren't for him, he wouldn't have adjusted to school at all. She thought that L was "lost" without him. Truthfully, he wasn't. Once he made friends with J, he branched out, and gathered a group of friends that he played with (including after school and playdates). But still, the schools usually try to keep best buds together going into grade one. It's such a huge change for them, shouldn't they try to make the transition as painless as possible by offering a little comfort?

So why oh why, did this COW decide to not recommend they be placed in the same class? WHY I ask you??

Now I come to the second part. During the end of the last school year, I requested to L's teacher that when they make up the classes for next year that he NOT be placed in a certain teacher's class. There are four Grade one classes. Surely it's not too much to ask that he not be placed in just one of them, that leaves three other options. But no. I found out Friday that he has been placed in that class. Not only that, but it is a SPLIT CLASS!! Split with SK!!!

I am insensed! I am OUTRAGED!! The reason I asked for him not to be placed in that class, was because for the past two years, I have heard from other parents how she is not a very good teacher. Now, I can't exactly go into the office saying that, it's all hearsay. But I can express my concerns over the fact that it's a split class. I think he's going to be very distracted if half the class are playing with toys. How will he ever get any work done? He's not very good at concentrating as it is, and considering that many kids going into grade one are reading, and he isn't quite there, I think he needs as much concentration as possible.

This is what I hate. I HATE confrontation. I HATE having to talk to people about things I'm not pleased about. I'm a rug, just walk all over me. But I have to do this. It's for my child. The thing is though, is that I know that I'm such a wimp, that even if I do get a chance to speak with whoever I speak with, I'll present my case and then back off when he (or she) rebuts with reasonable answers. Rrrrrrrgh. Perhaps I can convince DH to do it for me. He is sooooo much better at it than I am.

So the last thing I want to say is this. I'm going to miss my boys. I always do when school starts back up. And it's just a reminder to me of how time is passing us by, how they are growing so fast.

That being said, I will go and spend this last day off with them. Happy Labour Day.

Friday, September 4, 2009

It's Been Awhile

So, yeah, it has.... I guess in part due to my week off (the 24th to the 28th), as I actually did NOT spend all my time off on the computer!! Wow. But I digress, (I've always wanted to say that, and it's probably not even the right way to use it, but it sounds cool, doesn't it?) I use the computer to keep me sane during working hours mostly (but not always), and blogging helps that too. Sooooooo, since I wasn't working, I didn't feel the need.

As for this week (as it's now Friday), I have just been too effing busy to concentrate much on blogging. Not that today is much better, only slightly.

And it's FRIDAY peoples!!! The start of a long weekend, and the LAST day before school starts again! Can I say.....WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (don't tell my kids that)

Now, to business. I have had a crazy week, partly due to my insane scheduling hassles (and certain children that come part and parcel with that, need I say more?), and partly due to things beyond my permission to tell you.

I've had one of those weeks though. You know, the ones when you question your whole life? Well, maybe not everyone does that, but I'm sure some of you do. I think things like, How did this get to be my life? This isn't what I signed up for. This isn't even close to what I imagined it to be. When does my real life start?

Then the "What Ifs" come. What if I just picked up and left? What if I had gone to school when I was supposed to? What if I had never said yes? What if I had, I don't know, gone to Europe by myself for a summer? What if I decided to start all over, and is that even possible?

Ok, don't worry, I'm not planning on upping and abandoning my family, but sometimes you wonder...

And sometimes I think to myself things like, You only get one life, and it's passing you by, so shouldn't you make it what you want? And then the thought of trying to actually do that is just too scary to consider.

I'm a believer of everything happens for a reason. I think that, if people are meant to be together, they will be, and if not, then that's that. I think that if something is meant to happen, it will, and if bad things happen, then they must happen for some reason or another, to allow room for better things to happen. Of course, that theory is constantly being tested, especially the latter.

So here I am, awash in thoughts. I am trying to dwell on the positives, as I usually do. Everyone I know is healthy, Thank God. My children are smart and beautiful and healthy. I have a home to live in, in a beautiful city, in the best country in the world. I have food to eat, clean water to drink. I have my family that loves me. Really I shouldn't want for more.

And as a completely different aside, Happy Birthday to my baby, R. I can't believe that 8 years ago to this minute I was struggling to expel you from my womb. You're everything I could have hoped and dreamed for. I love you.