Friday, July 29, 2011


I'm bored. I'm trying to keep an eye on the multitude of kids I have here, and not get too engaged on anything on the computer (like reading my stories) so I can hop up in an instant to intervene should the need arise.
It's pouring rain. I should be grateful, as our lawn was starting to look a bit like a prairie scene. But after about a month of having less than a millimetre of rain, it's been raining on and off for almost a week now. C'mon Mother Nature! A little balance would be nice! So we are yet again stuck inside. I have limited craft supplies, due to funds, not that most of them want to do crafts anyway. I have an air hockey table that doubles as a junk collector, and I finally cleaned that off so they could play with that. That lasted about 10 minutes. I even asked who would like to put on their bathing suit and go outside to splash in the puddles, as my sister and I loved to do that on warm rainy summer days when we kids. No takers.
Right now they are all playing on their DS's. All five of the boys. Seriously. I feel like the worst babysitter in the world right now. But I can't find it in me to care that their brains are slowly turning to mush. They are not fighting. They are relatively quiet. They are fairly calm. They aren't saying, "I'm BOOOOOOOORRRRREEEDDD!!!!" or whining or annoying me. What could be bad about that?
I have so many things I need to be doing right now. Folding/putting away laundry. Ironing. Packing for the weekend at the cottage. Baking cookies and brownies to take with us. Preparing things for our meals on the weekend (marinades, grated cheese, etc, just stuff that's easier to do at home rather than in a small hot kitchen with two other women vying for space, one of them obstinate and quite literally pushy.)
(Yes, The Nan.)
I wonder if half of them would be willing to bake with me? I know A would. But she's not one of the trouble-makers. Hopefully I can convince L to come bake with me.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Little Bummed

I'm finally enjoying a few moments of peace and quiet. It seems too good to be true. Perhaps it will turn out to be....
This week has been busier, with the return of the PIMA C and his sister A. (PIMA stands for Pain In My Ass). I've had quite a few kids here, which is good for money but not so much for my nerves. With the PIMA here I have to be constantly on my toes. I have to supervise constantly I've learned, which is really a sad comment because he's almost 10! And it's not because he destroys things, or smokes up in the bathroom, or flashes his privates (THANK GOD!), but he argues and fights with my L and also the other kids (although not as much as with L) and it drives me crazy! He also has a lot of bad language. While that wouldn't bother me so much if it were just my two kids here, but I have little ones here. Little ones that are at the heart and the peak of their language acquisition. They are learning new words and how to express themselves EVERY DAY. It's crazy-fast how they learn to talk once they start. And I really don't want them picking up phrases like, "Suck this!", or "What the hell?!", or "idiot" or "stupid", or "DIE!" or many, many others.
Not only that, but he can't ever seem to step outside of himself and try to just be a little bit selfless. He's just so immature in so many ways. Every year I hope and pray he grows up, but he never seems to. I'm sorry to say this about a child, but that kid is going to be an asshole when he grows up. I can just tell right now.
And my sister has told me a million times to get rid of him. But I can't because I'm a wimp, and really not enough of a bitch to do that. I have to see his mother in the neighbourhood. His mom is really nice too. She has done me favours when I was in a crunch before. And I really don't want to jeopardize that. I will be speaking to her about his language tonight though. He has been away from here for almost a month, so perhaps he needs her to remind him about appropriate language for toddlers' ears.
So I am trying to count my blessings that I have kids here and the fact that I am getting paid at least. But I am stressed and worried. And jealous.
I'm stressed because I'm not making enough money. I thought that with the fact that DH has been working now for a few months (he returns to school fulltime in Dec)that we would be able to at least break even each month, if not even get to paying down some more debt.
Not so much. The fact that I don't have a whole bunch of kids is really hurting me. I've just paid some bills and pretty much used up the rest of the reserve we had for times such as these. Which totally freaks me out thinking about how I no longer have that cushion. AHHH!
I am worried too because I've been trying to get some more kids for daycare for the fall, and have had basically no bites. It's scary. Where are all the parents going back to work? What am I going to do when DH goes back to school in January and is out of work once again? If I have even less kids then, I am screwed. So you see how I can't get rid of kids that are annoying. I just can't afford it.
And I am jealous because of all these people that are on vacation. They have time off work, and families are doing things together and going places and having fun. I do get time off work, although unlike the general population, I don't get vacation pay, which kind of puts a damper on it.
No work, no pay.
And DH doesn't get any time off work either. His time off is during the school year, when they have "reading week", which never coincides nicely with any time the kids have off or what I can take off.
I guess I shouldn't complain, because we did just have a family vacation in Disney. But that already seems so far away.
Next week I have sort of a vacation week. Sort of. It's not because I took time off, but it's just that so many of the kids I watch are on vacation that week, plus schedules work out that other kids are here less. Plus I still have a kid coming here on Friday, and possibly two on Wed. So not exactly a week off. I'm screwed for money next week. I'm going to have to raid the freezer and do some serious meal planning revolving around what we have available. It's difficult, but doable.
Alright. Now I've moaned and complained enough, about the same old, same old. I should be glad that we have a home, health, and food on our table.
I just needed to get it off my chest ;)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Ow, again.

Today I'm lying in bed and trying to stem the pain radiating from my right side. I'm using Tylenol, Advil, and a hot water bottle to help. Earlier I actually took one of my T-3's, around 7:00 a.m. and promptly passed out until about 10:30! It's been a very long time since I slept in that long!
So what is my deal? I thought that I had actually posted this, but turns out I didn't. It was still in my drafts. So go read it please, and then you will know.
It's back.
Well, I guess it never really went away. It's just flared up again.
I'm feeling rather guilty being miserable about something so trivial. Especially given that I know so many people worse off than this. My friend Cindy, my hero really, of Running Out Of Hands just gave birth naturally to her fourth child! Ok, she's not worse off, she's gloriously blessed and happy, I just mean she went through way more pain, I'm sure, than I'm in.
And my Dad's GF is in the hospital after falling down a flight of stairs and totally shattering her wrist and elbow, and had to have seven hours of surgery to fix it.
And of course there's my dear, sweet niece M, who has now completed her radiation and has to play the waiting game to see if it helped at all.
So really, I shouldn't complain. Things could be worse. I'm actually worried that they will get worse. Last time this happened I was in pain for three days. I only have two days right now to be in pain. The third day is Monday, and I can't afford to be in pain that day. And I'm a little worried that I screwed myself over by canceling my doctor appt last week. Obviously the problem is still here and needs attention. Damn.
While I'm very glad we didn't have plans to do anything today that I would have had to cancel, it still feels like such a waste of a day. I haven't dressed, and I've been lying in bed or on the couch the whole time. The house needs to be cleaned, there's shopping to be done as well as laundry, and tomorrow we're supposed to go over to my mom's for a BBQ. It's my nan's last weekend here in Canada before she returns home to UK. I really don't want to back out of that, I've only seen her twice since she arrived at the end of June. Truthfully I don't know how many more times I'll see her at all, she's 85 now. But I don't know how I can stand an almost hour and a half car ride feeling like this.
Guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens tonight.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Anyone who's read my blog before may know how disgusted I am by bugs, like in this post here. This morning as I was getting the kids ready to head out into the backyard, I was greeted by a disgusting surprise crawling across my kitchen floor....
a maggot.
Why oh why it was at the back sliding doors is beyond me. I have found them in the kitchen before, unfortunately, but they were in the general vicinity of the garbages (both regular and the green compost one). Usually the compost bin is the culprit, which is why I hate it, but put up with it for the sake of the environment and saving money on garbage tags.
This one was crawling away from the back door under my table. Where it was going, I can't fathom, but it ended up in a kleenex squashed up. I quickly scanned the area for signs of rotting food or otherwise, and other than the usual and constant sand/grass/crumbs, I couldn't see anything.
Then one of my daycare kids C went back inside to use the bathroom and came back out to inform me that he saw another one! ((shudder))
After we all came back inside, I searched the whole kitchen. I looked under the table, under the baby booster seats, under the doormat, in the track of the sliding door, the air vents and even climbed onto the table to look at the top of the blinds and to see what I could see! I swept and swiffer wet-jetted. I took out all the garbage, bleached the green bin and took out all the recycling. I still can't figure out where they were coming from. Why, if they were coming from the garbage (the likely place) were they all the way over on the other side of the kitchen?
I am so beyond grossed out right now, and I am compelled to finish this post and go upstairs to check around for more.
Too be continued..............................?
Let's hope not!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Summer Days

Hey, long time no see! LOL! It's been a week or so since my last post, so that's not too bad, right? Things around here have been busy as usual for summer. The daycare is busy of course, with the 2 yr old, Kadybug everyday, the two P brothers, C&E (5 & 6.5) and nearly 2 Miss Mack. I haven't had the almost 3 J, thank God! I'm hoping his mom is toilet training him as we speak! And C (9) and his sis A (6) have been away for almost 4 weeks now due to their mom having back trouble and being home from work, and also they have been at camp. I won't have to deal with them until the last week of July! HOORAY!! C is a huge pain in my ass, as you may know. And A is ok, but being the only girl and a bit of a princess (too good to play with the boys) she drives me nuts by following me around all day! Miss Mack doesn't come everyday, but she is a good playmate for Kadybug. The numbers are nice for now. I'm not looking forward to adding two more...sigh.
So L and R have been ok so far. Not too many, "I'm BOOOOOORRRED"'s yet! They both had upset stomachs in the middle of the night a few days ago, and I thought we were going to have to deal with a stomach virus, but they seemed fine the next morning. Then last night L had diarrhea and was complaining of stomach pain, and also he was burping up horrible rotten egg smelling sulphurous burps! The smell was disgusting! I can't imagine how nasty the taste was. (TMI?) R has had this before, twice actually and he ends up puking a couple of times after a few hours, a horrible rancid smelling puke (I know, puke stinks but this is beyond gross). I have no idea what it is, other than researching on the internet and finding out it may Giardia. Anyway, L was distraught when I told him he may end up puking. So I got him very reluctantly to drink some baking soda mixed into water (it was recommended on several chats regarding this egg burp, and it couldn't hurt so why not?) Ok, if you've ever tasted baking soda in water ladies, you'll know it has a very, VERY familiar taste....relating to oral sex....s'all I'm sayin'...
I also decided to go against medical advice and gave him a teaspoon of Pepto. They say now kids shouldn't have it, because of the same dangers as giving them Aspirin, but I had it all the time as a kid and I'm fine. Plus, he didn't have a fever, so I wasn't too worried about him getting this Reye's syndrome. And it seemed to help. He slept all night, and ate breakfast, but I'm not going to say he's cured until he goes to the bathroom again.
Monday this week I had an unexpected day off. It was really nice. I was only supposed to have Kadybug, but her dad wanted to spend the day with her (Awwwwwwww) and so she stayed home. My mom, nan and nephew T came over, and we took the kids to the splash pad. It was so nice to spend time with T without his mom around (sorry N, I did miss you though...). Kids are always different without their parents around, mine too, I'm sure. Instead of being sucky and clingy to Mommy, T took my hand and led me all around the splash park, smiling and laughing with me. It was so cute. Then later when we got home, he and L went upstairs and played together. That was sweet. Usually I see R being the more "brotherly" figure to his cousins, but it was really great to see L in that role.
After they left, I took the boys to a local public pool and we went swimming. So, lots of water Monday! I'm wondering if L picked up some bacteria or virus from one of those places....I've had a weird itchy rash on the underside of my right arm since...hmmmm....
I started the kids on their new summer workbooks. L is not too happy with that, of course, seeing as how he hates school so much, but he needs it the most. The P Bros don't mind, especially E who is going into SK. He has already flown through the first part of his book. I'm going to have to get him another! R and L got thicker ones, containing much of the Canadian Curriculum. It's not the Ontario curriculum, but whatever. As long as they're learning/reviewing something and it's not too American (meaning history, spellings and currency) then I'm happy. We usually do this in the summer, and start off with gusto, and that wanes and fades. It's a lot of work for me, having all these kids needing help and all being different levels. I really don't know how home-schooling moms do it! One kid, yeah, maybe two, meh, but more? I couldn't do that full time!!
Today I was supposed to have a follow-up Dr. appt. for my cyst problem. Not sure if I blogged about that or not.... Anyhow, about a month and a half ago, I was in terrible pain and went to the ER thinking I had a kidney stone or something. Turns out ovarian cysts. I was told to go to my doctor and have him make an appt for a U/S in two weeks. I laughed hard at that, and it wasn't because I was stoned on morphine either. Our Dr. NEVER has appts. As you can tell, my follow-up appt was for more than a month later - today. However, due to the fact that I couldn't get the day off, I have had to cancel it. I tried to ask the parents to find alternate care, but I made two big mistakes:
One, is that I neglected to ask them right away. It just slipped my mind, so I ended up asking them last week. Kinda short notice.
Two, is that because I was an idiot, I felt bad about asking them for time off at such short notice and I ended up telling both sets that if they couldn't find alternate care to "not worry about it". I sort of figured that at least one set of parents would be compliant, and that would help me out, but of course, Murphy's Law, neither one of them did. Well, actually, the one set of parents I'm pretty sure completely forgot to try. Typical.
So last night I debated and debated and this morning I debated and debated. Take five kids to the Dr. with me? Or cancel? The baby is no prob. She's easy to take anywhere. My two, fine. But the P Bros? They are good boys but combined with my own two lately and they have been quite the foursome to handle. Very rambunctious and loud and giggly and silly and at times, a little out of hand. I really didn't know if they would behave being left in the waiting room by themselves. It wasn't something I felt comfortable with. Plus, my truck only fits four kids. R would have had to ride in the front seat, something I don't mind if we're just going around the corner to the school or the local beach, but not for a +20 minute drive through town. I can't turn the airbag off in that vehicle.
But cancelling means that I don't get taken care of. I feel alright now of course, but something tells me that this is more of a chronic thing rather than a one-off. And cancelling means no appt again for months. Sigh.
So I called this morning and cancelled. It wasn't worth risking my child's safety or my own sanity. I called around 9:15. The office opens at 9, but apparently they don't answer the phones until 9:30 (WTF?). These people drive me nuts. It's like they try to work as little as possible, and get max. amount of money for it. Sheesh. So they are open Tues, Wed and Thurs from 9 to 4, that's only 7 hours, and really it's only 6 hours because they are closed from 12 to 1 for lunch! They are only open from 9 to 12 on Fridays. On top of that, they don't answer the phone until 9:30? Why? How do they get any business done. It's no wonder we are struggling in our city with sooooo many people without regular healthcare.
Anyhow, the thing that pissed me off was that when I called and listened to their long message before I could leave mine, I heard them say that I would be charged a fee for a missed appt, or one cancelled with less than 24 hrs notice. WTF?! There is no way in hell that I am paying any God Damn fee!! It's not like they couldn't fill the missed appointment. I'm sure anyone on their very long list of patients waiting for appts would gladly take my place. If they send me a bill, I'm going to rip it up and mail it back to them. They make me wait all this time for a simple appointment, and then they have the nerve to tell me I have to pay a fee for missing it? NO WAY.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My Weekend Off

Last weekend I had three glorious days to myself. Well, not completely to myself. I did see other family members, but I had the house to myself, the bed to myself, the tv, computer and peace and quiet ALL TO MYSELF.
And it was wonderful.
On Thursday night, DH and the boys packed up and were gone by 7:00 to the cottage until Sunday. After they left, I went around to our local burger joint and grabbed myself some dinner. I sat and ate without interruptions, without having to yell at anyone to, "Just. Get. Eating!", and watched what I liked on tv. Not that there was much on. Afterward, I contemplated contacting a friend and having a movie night, but I was just so tired. I kept falling asleep on the couch. Go figure.
Finally I went up to bed and awaited my phone call letting me know that they had arrived safely.
Friday morning came fast, I find I always sleep so much better without anyone else in the bed with me. I kept having dreams all weekend though that my weekend was being ruined by either A) me giving in and going up to the cottage, or B) they all came home early!
Friday, being Canada Day, meant that not much was open, so no temptation for me to go out shopping. I started the ENORMOUS task of cleaning the house. Why, you ask, would you spend your weekend off cleaning? Because my house desperately needed it. And because it's so much easier to clean when no one else is here following me around making a mess right after me. And because looking at a completely clean house is oh, so satisfying as well as knowing it will stay that way for at least the next two days. Plus, I don't mind cleaning nearly as much when I can keep going on task (no interruptions) and I can blare my music at the same time.
After a full day of cleaning (and no, I never really finished) I took a shower and awaited my Dad's arrival. He was coming over to spend some quality time with his favourite first-born child.
Dad and I went out to eat at my new favourite Thai restaurant here in town. I can't eat there normally, as my DH is allergic to peanuts and most other nuts, and the boys are not that adventurous beyond pizza and chicken nuggets, so it was a real treat for me.
After, we strolled along the main street downtown where they had lots of vendors and bands playing for Canada Day. We stopped for a quick drink at a local bar/brewery, and then went to claim a spot along the waterfront for the fireworks later. It was a really great "date" with my dad.
Saturday, I got up later, cleaned a little bit more, then ran some errands. I really didn't have enough time to do all I was supposed to because I was too lazy to get out of bed at a decent hour, and I hurried off to go see my mom, nan, sisters, nephew and nieces. It was a lovely visit, and my mom had a bbq with lots of salads and stuff. It felt nice and a little bit evil to be getting just my own food and sitting and eating peacefully without having to make sure my children had food, a decent amount of the healthy stuff, and were eating it. My sisters were of course, running around tending to their flock while I sat back and ate. Nice.
I stayed at my mom's until almost ten, visiting with her and my nan (her mom who is over from England) and didn't have to worry about getting home at a decent time to get anyone to bed.
Sunday came quickly and I got moving with some more chores I needed to do. The family got home around 3, and I went out shortly after to grocery shop, enjoying a few more minutes of "aloneness".
Some things I learned from this weekend:
  • DH was wrong when he said, "It won't help." It did me a world of good. I'm not saying I'm supermom now, or that I have an endless well of patience, but even the time apart from me was helpful for L, I think.
  • It wasn't enough time. I really could have used a couple more days. Does it make me a bad mom to say that I didn't even miss them? I think I was too busy to. But I didn't. When they got home, it felt to me as though they had just left.
  • I didn't even miss DH. Not sure if that's a bad sign or not. I do think that if he had come home alone, leaving the boys with his mom for the rest of the week or something, it would have been nice too. We still need some time together, which I really need to arrange somehow.
  • If I was a SAHM (meaning without having to work from home!) I think my house would be really clean!
  • Even if I had two weeks alone, my house still wouldn't be clean. The more I cleaned and did the basic stuff (wash floors, vacuum, clean toilets, etc.) the more stuff I noticed that needed to be done; I need to clean the light fixtures, wash the cupboards down, clean the windows, wash the blinds, clean the screens, and so on....I'm ashamed to admit, that things like cleaning light fixtures and blinds, NEVER get done around here. NEVER. I'm too busy. I really have a hard time keeping up with the normal cleaning, that stuff is secondary, and when I do have a moment, I'd far rather curl up with a good story, or do something with the family.
  • If I was a SAHM, I think I'd lose weight. Weird? Here's my reasoning: I noticed this weekend that I stress-eat. And I eat out of boredom. When I'm working, when I have other kids here, I can't do things like get involved with cleaning. I have to watch them. I can sit on my ipod, or the computer in the same room with them, still interact with them and still watch them, but I can't physically leave and go vacuum the bedrooms upstairs (or clean the light fixtures, LOL!) I can however, take short trips upstairs to the kitchen. At which point I satisfy cravings for things I've stashed away, or things I've baked. I do believe that if my kids were in school all day while I was here, I'd be cleaning, or running errands, or volunteering, and I wouldn't be as stressed out over kids' behaviours etc, and I'd be too busy to mooch stuff to eat. Over the weekend, I barely had a snack at all. On Sunday I skipped lunch and grabbed a yogurt as I ran around trying to finish cleaning. Hell, I'd probably even have time to actually join a gym! Sadly, I'll probably never have the chance to find out my theory, so I guess I'll just have to continue fighting with my willpower.
So when's my next weekend alone? Who knows. I'm severely tempted to stay home EVERY time they go to the cottage. They really didn't seem to miss me, nor I them, so what is the point of me going? Only DH wants me there really, so he can relax while I watch the boys. I guess we'll see what happens next time the cottage gets brought up. It would be nice though, a girl can dream...