Yes, this is a moping post. So, I don't blame you if you don't read it. Go on ahead to the asterisk.
I'm just tired. I'm done.
I've had enough with the same thing, day in, day out. I'm tired of having the same arguments with J (the three year old). "Keep you hands to yourself", "Stop being so bossy", "No running in the house" etc, etc, etc,. I'm tired of time-outs not working, of having to report the same thing to his mom. I'm tired of his sauciness and sass-back. (And to be honest, I'm tired of not being able to REALLY do what I want when he does that.) And I'm tired of nothing changing as a result of his mom's non-helpfulness.
I'm tired of having the same arguments with the older kids. "Stop wrestling", "Be nicer to the little kids", "No kicking (or insert any form of physical violence here)" etc, etc, etc,.
I'm tired of L not eating his lunch. I'm tired of trying to come up with ideas for something that he'll both eat, and that is healthy enough to sustain his energy for the day. I'm tired of his grumpy, grumpy moods when he doesn't eat (so, basically every day) and his crying fits and anger tantrums. I'm tired of trying to understand him, and trying to pacify him.
I'm tired of never having enough money. I'm tired of looking at credit card bills, LOC bills, and the unpaid property tax bills. I'm tired of feeling guilty every time we indulge in a movie, or take-out, or other "not necessary" things.
I'm tired of my husband being in school. There are some positives, like he's home more, but at the same time, that's a negative. I know, that doesn't make sense. I like that he's home more for the boys, but I tire of seeing him sitting around doing nothing while I'm working. I'm tired of hearing how he's "studying" with his classmates and they're out for wings, or beer, or pizza, or whatever, while I'm working. I'm tired of not having money BECAUSE he's in school. I fully realize that this is a means to an end, but the meantime is hard.
I'm tired of making lunches, dealing with morning chaos, working all day, trying to fit in household duties into my "breaktime", thinking of what to make and making said dinner, cleaning up the dinner, making sure the kids are ready for and transported to various activities, and making sure they have a bath/shower and are in bed at a reasonable time. Oh, and I'm tired of trying to do my taxes in and amongst all that stuff. And I'm tired of collapsing into bed and waking up early the next day to do it all over again.
I'm tired of the weekend flying by in a haze of nothing but errand-running, laundry-doing, and house-cleaning, and never feeling like we've accomplished anything. I'm tired of the house never really being clean, and seeing the dust thick on top of things, or dirt built up on stuff, and not having the time or will to do anything about it. Trying to keep up with regular cleaning like vacuuming and bathrooms is hard enough.
I'm tired of being too far away from my sisters and family. I'm tired of missing them, of having to plan just to visit them, as opposed to just popping by, and considering the price of gas whenever I do make the trek. I'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting people to come to me, after all, it should be a 50/50 effort really.
I'm tired of our stupid Canadian spring weather. I really hate spring. I wish it could go from snowy to warm and deliciously sunny shorts weather in a few days. Well, it did do that, and then it reverted back to cold and miserable and windy. I'm tired of the spring dirt, all over my house, all over my front entry. Ugh.
*So there's my misery rant. On a positive note, we are off to Niagara Falls for the weekend. We haven't been to Niagara for about a year and a half. We haven't had any sort of vacation for a year now, as it's been a year since Disney. And yes, I know I whined and complained about not having money, but I am desperate, DESPERATE, for this! And I think my family is too. We all really need this getaway. Badly.