Friday, September 4, 2009

It's Been Awhile

So, yeah, it has.... I guess in part due to my week off (the 24th to the 28th), as I actually did NOT spend all my time off on the computer!! Wow. But I digress, (I've always wanted to say that, and it's probably not even the right way to use it, but it sounds cool, doesn't it?) I use the computer to keep me sane during working hours mostly (but not always), and blogging helps that too. Sooooooo, since I wasn't working, I didn't feel the need.

As for this week (as it's now Friday), I have just been too effing busy to concentrate much on blogging. Not that today is much better, only slightly.

And it's FRIDAY peoples!!! The start of a long weekend, and the LAST day before school starts again! Can I say.....WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (don't tell my kids that)

Now, to business. I have had a crazy week, partly due to my insane scheduling hassles (and certain children that come part and parcel with that, need I say more?), and partly due to things beyond my permission to tell you.

I've had one of those weeks though. You know, the ones when you question your whole life? Well, maybe not everyone does that, but I'm sure some of you do. I think things like, How did this get to be my life? This isn't what I signed up for. This isn't even close to what I imagined it to be. When does my real life start?

Then the "What Ifs" come. What if I just picked up and left? What if I had gone to school when I was supposed to? What if I had never said yes? What if I had, I don't know, gone to Europe by myself for a summer? What if I decided to start all over, and is that even possible?

Ok, don't worry, I'm not planning on upping and abandoning my family, but sometimes you wonder...

And sometimes I think to myself things like, You only get one life, and it's passing you by, so shouldn't you make it what you want? And then the thought of trying to actually do that is just too scary to consider.

I'm a believer of everything happens for a reason. I think that, if people are meant to be together, they will be, and if not, then that's that. I think that if something is meant to happen, it will, and if bad things happen, then they must happen for some reason or another, to allow room for better things to happen. Of course, that theory is constantly being tested, especially the latter.

So here I am, awash in thoughts. I am trying to dwell on the positives, as I usually do. Everyone I know is healthy, Thank God. My children are smart and beautiful and healthy. I have a home to live in, in a beautiful city, in the best country in the world. I have food to eat, clean water to drink. I have my family that loves me. Really I shouldn't want for more.

And as a completely different aside, Happy Birthday to my baby, R. I can't believe that 8 years ago to this minute I was struggling to expel you from my womb. You're everything I could have hoped and dreamed for. I love you.

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