Saturday, April 20, 2013


Blah, blah, blah. That's how I'm feeling today. I'm just feeling so....bored. Apathetic. It's not like I don't have things to do, because I do. I just can't seem to find the will to do them.
Every week it's the same thing: get up, work, make food, clean up food, look after kids, drive kids around to activities, sit for an hour in the evening bored because DH is watching some sporting event, and go to bed. Weekends consist of laundry, errands, R's ball hockey, cleaning, watching movies at home, and torturing myself and L with homework.
I'm tired of the same walls, the same outings to the grocery store, library, etc, even the same neighbourhood we walk around with the dog. I'm tired of terrible weather that keeps us from enjoying outdoors, or even doing DIFFERENT chores outside for a change. I'm tired of making the same meals, in the same kitchen. I'm even tired of eating them. I'm tired of being envious of other people's vacations, of their adventures. I'm tired of wearing the same clothes, and not having money to buy myself even one new outfit.
I'm tired of looking back on the day and seeing how little I accomplished vs. what I did want to accomplish. I'm even tired of the same things running through my head constantly: L, and his issues, the voice telling me to exercise, the fact that I really need to see a dentist and am too scared to go, the task list of things I need to do and keep putting off, worrying about my family, what should we have for dinner, all the things I ate that day and shouldn't have, and so on.
What I need is change! A new look, a new body, a new perspective, a new job, I don't know. Just something.
Bah. I'm depressing myself. I hate when I get like this. Boredom, for me, leads to eating. I don't know what else to do, so I start snacking. That's not good. But I find myself constantly thinking about food. Of course it doesn't seem to help that half my life revolves around food - preparing it, cleaning it up, eating it, shopping for it, planning for it.
Ok, I need to remind myself that I'm bored because everything is good! I'm not having to run myself or anyone around to the doctor, or treatments, or anything like that. My children are healthy, my husband and I are too (mostly!) and nothing tragic has befallen us.
Ok, I feel better about my boredom now.
So where did those chips go?....

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