My Weekend Off

Last weekend I had three glorious days to myself. Well, not completely to myself. I did see other family members, but I had the house to myself, the bed to myself, the tv, computer and peace and quiet ALL TO MYSELF.
And it was wonderful.
On Thursday night, DH and the boys packed up and were gone by 7:00 to the cottage until Sunday. After they left, I went around to our local burger joint and grabbed myself some dinner. I sat and ate without interruptions, without having to yell at anyone to, "Just. Get. Eating!", and watched what I liked on tv. Not that there was much on. Afterward, I contemplated contacting a friend and having a movie night, but I was just so tired. I kept falling asleep on the couch. Go figure.
Finally I went up to bed and awaited my phone call letting me know that they had arrived safely.
Friday morning came fast, I find I always sleep so much better without anyone else in the bed with me. I kept having dreams all weekend though that my weekend was being ruined by either A) me giving in and going up to the cottage, or B) they all came home early!
Friday, being Canada Day, meant that not much was open, so no temptation for me to go out shopping. I started the ENORMOUS task of cleaning the house. Why, you ask, would you spend your weekend off cleaning? Because my house desperately needed it. And because it's so much easier to clean when no one else is here following me around making a mess right after me. And because looking at a completely clean house is oh, so satisfying as well as knowing it will stay that way for at least the next two days. Plus, I don't mind cleaning nearly as much when I can keep going on task (no interruptions) and I can blare my music at the same time.
After a full day of cleaning (and no, I never really finished) I took a shower and awaited my Dad's arrival. He was coming over to spend some quality time with his favourite first-born child.
Dad and I went out to eat at my new favourite Thai restaurant here in town. I can't eat there normally, as my DH is allergic to peanuts and most other nuts, and the boys are not that adventurous beyond pizza and chicken nuggets, so it was a real treat for me.
After, we strolled along the main street downtown where they had lots of vendors and bands playing for Canada Day. We stopped for a quick drink at a local bar/brewery, and then went to claim a spot along the waterfront for the fireworks later. It was a really great "date" with my dad.
Saturday, I got up later, cleaned a little bit more, then ran some errands. I really didn't have enough time to do all I was supposed to because I was too lazy to get out of bed at a decent hour, and I hurried off to go see my mom, nan, sisters, nephew and nieces. It was a lovely visit, and my mom had a bbq with lots of salads and stuff. It felt nice and a little bit evil to be getting just my own food and sitting and eating peacefully without having to make sure my children had food, a decent amount of the healthy stuff, and were eating it. My sisters were of course, running around tending to their flock while I sat back and ate. Nice.
I stayed at my mom's until almost ten, visiting with her and my nan (her mom who is over from England) and didn't have to worry about getting home at a decent time to get anyone to bed.
Sunday came quickly and I got moving with some more chores I needed to do. The family got home around 3, and I went out shortly after to grocery shop, enjoying a few more minutes of "aloneness".
Some things I learned from this weekend:

• DH was wrong when he said, "It won't help." It did me a world of good. I'm not saying I'm supermom now, or that I have an endless well of patience, but even the time apart from me was helpful for L, I think.
• It wasn't enough time. I really could have used a couple more days. Does it make me a bad mom to say that I didn't even miss them? I think I was too busy to. But I didn't. When they got home, it felt to me as though they had just left.
  
• I didn't even miss DH. Not sure if that's a bad sign or not. I do think that if he had come home alone, leaving the boys with his mom for the rest of the week or something, it would have been nice too. We still need some time together, which I really need to arrange somehow.
  
• If I was a SAHM (meaning without having to work from home!) I think my house would be really clean!
• Even if I had two weeks alone, my house still wouldn't be clean. The more I cleaned and did the basic stuff (wash floors, vacuum, clean toilets, etc.) the more stuff I noticed that needed to be done; I need to clean the light fixtures, wash the cupboards down, clean the windows, wash the blinds, clean the screens, and so on....I'm ashamed to admit, that things like cleaning light fixtures and blinds, NEVER get done around here. NEVER. I'm too busy. I really have a hard time keeping up with the normal cleaning, that stuff is secondary, and when I do have a moment, I'd far rather curl up with a good story, or do something with the family.
• If I was a SAHM, I think I'd lose weight. Weird? Here's my reasoning: I noticed this weekend that I stress-eat. And I eat out of boredom. When I'm working, when I have other kids here, I can't do things like get involved with cleaning. I have to watch them. I can sit on my ipod, or the computer in the same room with them, still interact with them and still watch them, but I can't physically leave and go vacuum the bedrooms upstairs (or clean the light fixtures, LOL!) I can however, take short trips upstairs to the kitchen. At which point I satisfy cravings for things I've stashed away, or things I've baked. I do believe that if my kids were in school all day while I was here, I'd be cleaning, or running errands, or volunteering, and I wouldn't be as stressed out over kids' behaviours etc, and I'd be too busy to mooch stuff to eat. Over the weekend, I barely had a snack at all. On Sunday I skipped lunch and grabbed a yogurt as I ran around trying to finish cleaning. Hell, I'd probably even have time to actually join a gym! Sadly, I'll probably never have the chance to find out my theory, so I guess I'll just have to continue fighting with my willpower.

So when's my next weekend alone? Who knows. I'm severely tempted to stay home EVERY time they go to the cottage. They really didn't seem to miss me, nor I them, so what is the point of me going? Only DH wants me there really, so he can relax while I watch the boys. I guess we'll see what happens next time the cottage gets brought up. It would be nice though, a girl can dream...

Wednesday whine

This week I have had a lighter load. It just works out that way sometimes, with all the different shiftwork that the parents have. On Monday, I only had one child scheduled, and her Grandma ended up coming to visit, insisting to her mother that she be the one to care for her, so I ended up with a day off! Wonder of wonders!! So that's happened to me twice in all of seven years now. It felt great too. I went to the mall, returned an item, and proceeded to buy myself some new underwear and bras. I got properly fitted and everything. I find that the only time I can do something like that, and be relaxed about it, is when I am ALONE. I can just imagine how it would feel to be a "kept housewife". Luxurious. And....boring too, I'll bet. Although I'd REALLY like the chance to find out how boring. I bet I could find enough to do for a while. I'd really like to be able to volunteer at the kids' school. I'm sure that would occupy enough of my time.

So Tuesday was ok, I was missing one regular child due to a visit from Grandpa, plus the same one as Monday, but I had one extra that I don't normally have on a Tues. which made up for the slack. Today, I am still missing the same little girl, but she'll be back tomorrow, according to her mom. I only have two boys here, one almost five, the other three, they are brothers. While they are being good, the older one is telling me how boring all the toys are. Geez. They have too much, and no imagination. I pointed out how boring it would really be if there were NO toys, and that shut him up. I can hear him whimpering in the other room, probably moaning about having nothing to do, but I don't really care. I'm sorry if that sounds cold, but I believe that kids shouldn't have to be entertained when provided with ample stimulation. And definitely not at five years old. I have plenty of things for them to do, and MORE than enough toys. So I don't feel guilty or obliged in any way.

The thing that sucks the most about this week though is that tomorrow, being Thursday and always my busiest day, is the day of L's little concert they are having. R had one when he was in grade one; it has to do with the native studies they have been doing, and they dress up and sing a bunch of songs. It was cute when R did it, and it was only about 15 minutes long. The bad part is that I have 5 kids to drag along with me (down from six as one parent unexpectedly got the day off), with two of them under the age of two. It starts at 9:20, so I either walk home, turn around and directly walk back again, or hang around outside in the cold doing god knows what. I guess I could take them to the park, and hope that it is warm enough and not rainy, but I just KNOW that one or both of the babies will poop, and then we'll have to sit through the concert with that smell. Then there is the fact that how do I control five kids under five, especially the babies? Ok, I know the three and four year olds will be ok, but it's the two smaller ones I'm concerned about. That, PLUS trying to video the concert. Arggh!

So, I don't think I will be able to go. And I feel soooooo bad about that. I am really hoping DH can go, but he said it depends on if he is working or not. He has worked so little these past few weeks that he can't take time off if he is called in. Last week was his "reading week" at school; why couldn't they have had the concert then? Or Monday? Or Tues? Or today?? Or even at night? Only at our school do they have presentations and special things in the middle of the day and expect parents to be able to make it. I guess it's because of the neighbourhood I live in; there are sooooo many stay-at-home moms! It astonishes me! I do know that some of them have part time jobs in the evening or weekends, but there is a large percentage that are just home, not working. I don't know how they do it in this day and age, but there you go. Much more careful planning then we've ever done, I guess. Maybe we need some lessons, lol.

Beautiful

Today is the last day of the boys' summer daycamp. Despite the fact that I said I enjoy having them home with me, I also have enjoyed having them in camp. Due to some work schedules on behalf of the parents of the kids I care for, I actually had a real and true, honest-to-goodness day to myself on Tuesday. Let me tell you, that NEVER happens!! NEVER NEVER NEVER!

I have been doing home daycare for 7 years now, and I've never had that sort of thing happen, where the planets align and the stars are in the right position. I have had days when no other kids were scheduled (mostly in the summer), but mine have always been here. It was like a tease though.

I spent the morning vacuuming and washing floors, and cleaning the main floor bathroom. Yeah, I know, what a waste, but I just never seem to have time on the weekends in the summer, there aren't many opportunities during the day with looking after other kids, and I have a strict policy against housework past 5:00 p.m. So it left me no choice. Besides, I don't mind housework as much if I can do it alone (meaning no interruptions) and with my music blasting.

Anyhow, then I took the dog to the groomer, and met DH for lunch. That was nice, it was like a date, only with a time limit. Speed dating anyone?? LOL No time for anything other than eating... Oh well :)

So what was my point in all this??? Oh yeah, the boys have been in camp. And my week has been much lighter and less stressful.

So the two brothers I care for weren't scheduled to arrive until 9:30, which left me a half hour to myself. Not much, but I'll take what I can get. Since we had ridden our bikes to the school where camp is, I decided to go for a solo bike ride. I rode down the street towards the lake, which you can see from the school (and the top floors of my house, actually). At the end of the road is a small, quiet beach only known to locals. We never go there, mainly due to the fact that the bike ride has always been a bit much for two young boys (especially back which is ALL uphill), and you can't exactly drive to it, only really walk or ride. But for me, it was fine.

And the view was beautiful. The water was calm, the sun was shining, and no one was around. It was perfect solitude, and I wished I could have spent the day there just like that, sitting on the beach with a book. Everyone needs alone time, and this week has made me realize just how much I really need it and should try to get more of it.

Unfortunately, I didn't bring a camera, but I will try to get a shot of this beach one day and post it, it's so nice. As I approached the beach, there was a family of ducks following me, regarding me with much anticipation. Not long after, a man came along with a bag of bread, at which point all the ducks flocked to him, quacking and peeping. He shared some with me, and told me he went there mostly everyday, which was obvious from the ducks' reactions. It was such a simple thing, standing there, feeding ducks with a stranger, but it was so peaceful and pleasant that I will be using it for my "happy" place when I need to for awhile.