Yet Another Quandry

Here I am, once again faced with another decision regarding L's education. As I mentioned in this post, L has two different teachers this year. I didn't update you on this, but I did in fact, talk to the principal. I didn't go in with a complaining-fix-this-now attitude, but I did go in and speak with him as a concerned parent left out of the loop.
The principal at our school really should have been a politician. Really. He always has a smile on his face, and he works very hard I think at making it seem genuine. No one can be that happy all the time to be talking to disgruntled parents and dealing with children that are causing problems or having issues. He likes to placate the parents, tell them what he thinks they want to hear without out-right lying. He paints a glorious rainbow over the situation every time.
I guess I shouldn't complain. At least he's approachable. I just wish sometimes he'd be a little more honest and less, I don't know, "everything is perfect at my school". He does know my face now though. Not sure if that's a good thing or not, LOL!
Anyhow, he once again, painted his pretty picture with words and gushed over how good these two teachers are. He explained (and not very well), that L's class was not so very different than the other grade three classes, because the other classes' teachers leave the classroom for planning time for a grand total of six hours per week. In his mind, every class has another teacher for basically what adds up to a full day over the course of the week. L's class just happens to have another teacher for two days a week.
But that's not exactly true. You see, all the classes have gym with another teacher, and library, and computers, and whatever else (like media literacy). So the teacher can use those times for their planning time. So it really doesn't add up, if you see what I'm getting at.
But back to the issue at hand. The principal also said that he purposely placed L in that classroom because of his reading and writing issues, as he feels that those two teachers would be the best ones for him. He made a point to say the issues that my husband and I spoke to him about and were concerned about last year were what prompted him.
Hm.
Basically, in his very political way and without so many words he was telling me don't I dare complain because it is for L's sake he is in that class almost at DH's and my request. In a manner of speaking.
So I decided to leave him be, and see how it pans out. He was settling into the class now and he did seem to like his teacher. He brought home this ginormous project to do over the course of two weeks that was basically a front page of a newspaper with all these sections to fill out about himself. That was like torture to L, all that writing. Long story short, there were many tears, many hours put into this and in the end, my wonderful sister N skyped with us and helped L to complete the project in no time at all. I love her!!
After that ordeal, I decided to write the teacher a note and have a meeting with her. I needed to know if this was going to be a common occurrence; what were the expectations of a grade three student and how much was I supposed to be helping? What was the amount of homework she would be sending home? I needed to make it clear to her that this was very stressful on our family, and that L just isn't ready for that level of work.
So this morning I trudged into the school at a rather early hour. The only kids at the school yet were the ones training for cross-country running. The principal met me at the front door and asked me if I was going in to see Mrs. G. I said yes, and then he said he'd walk with me. I guess my face belied terror because he laughed and said not to worry, no one's in trouble! Ha ha. I don't know why I reacted like that but I guess I just immediately think the worst when the boss or the principal wants to talk to you. Gut reaction I suppose. I always have a hard time hiding anything on my face. You can read me like a book.
He said that they were going to be moving a few students out of the class and into another classroom. He asked me if I would be ok with L being one of them. Now I'm confused. Didn't he just tell me last week that he placed L in that class for his own good? That his words, specifically, were, "Honestly, if my son were in this school I would definitely want him in this classroom." So why now is he giving me the option of moving him out? Did he think I was complaining? Did he think I was hoping for a transfer? In all honesty I kind of was, but only to another certain teacher's room, the teacher R had for grade three. Not to this other teacher's room, Mrs. V. I don't know her any better than I know L's teacher, plus she is pregnant. Which means she'll be leaving soon and he'll have yet again ANOTHER teacher! What if she's terrible? But maybe it would be better to have just one teacher for consistency's sake. What if the teacher turns out to be Mrs. B, who R had for kindergarten and is a long term supply teacher? She was amazing. Then I would be kicking myself. That's a stretch though, a big what if.
I did go in and speak with his possibly temporary teacher. She seemed nice. She definitely appeared to be on the ball. She was easy to talk to, not patronizing in any way (like L's last teacher was) and not fake. She seemed like she could be a real hard-ass if need be, but I didn't get the impression that she was overtly mean.
I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I did call another mom, whose child is L's only friend in the class. I gave her the head's up about what was happening, and told her that I was up in the air about it. I also think that the two of them should stay together, because I would feel bad for L's friend if we left him behind, and even worse for L if the friend got moved and he didn't. Then he'd really have no friends in that class.
Which brings me to another issue. L has been upset that he has "no friends" as he puts it. No one to play with at recess except his buddy J (who's in another class). Perhaps moving to that other classroom would rekindle some friendships once again. When I say his only friend in the class, I really mean that. For some strange reason, none of the other boys except for the one have ever been in L's class before. Not even kindergarten. So it's almost like starting from scratch for him.
What to do, what to do. DH will be no help. He'll likely tell me to do whatever I think best, since he has even less insight than I do into what the teachers are like. I'm thinking I'll ask L what he thinks. Maybe he can't stand the teacher, Mrs. V. I need to talk to the other mom again, see if she has any more thoughts. And lastly, I need to speak with the principal again, tell him how confused he's made me and ask him why he would even give us this choice.
GAH!!!
I'll keep you posted...

Rant of The Day

What a day today has started out to be. I hate days that start like this. But I've learned over the years that just because a day starts badly, it doesn't mean it has to continue or end badly, I just need to stay positive if I can.
My mood hasn't helped. I kinda feel a little bit like how I do right before my Aunt comes to visit. But it's not that time. So I'm not sure what's up with that. But little things are bugging me, and DH is getting on my nerves, as he often does when I'm in this mood. For as long as I can remember, he always takes another side when I'm complaining about something, or telling him about an issue. It doesn't seem to matter what we're talking about, work, the kids, or something I saw on the news, anything, he always takes the other side. That is so annoying!! I know that he is just trying to present another POV, but sometimes I'd really like for him to just agree with me and to sympathize, or even rant with me! Sometimes it makes me want to scream at him, "You aren't helping with my mood!"
So this morning L came downstairs and seemed in a giggly mood, which is a nice change. He was also sporting a mohawk, something he'd obviously been creating in front of the bathroom mirror before coming downstairs. I laughed and started to chase him around the house, trying to get in a few hugs and kisses and trying to enjoy his rare good morning mood. This turned into a bit of a pillow fight, in which he grabbed a few throw pillows from the couch and tried to hit me with them. Of course, I didn't let him, and got in a few light (very light) hits myself. He was laughing, and so was I. At one point, I tossed a pillow to him (not hard) and this dark look came over his face. It was like watching Bruce Banner turn into the Incredible Hulk. He screamed at me, "YOU MESSED UP MY MOHAWK!!" and whipped the pillow at my face, which actually did hurt a little.
I tell you, it was like night and day. One minute we're giggling and having fun, the next minute he's demon child. And I would expect that a little if I had inadvertently hurt him, but I know I didn't, I barely tossed the pillow at him. And there were no sharp zippers or buttons on it, so I am positive it wasn't a pain thing.
I took him from the room and told him that sort of behaviour wasn't acceptable, and that was way too hard to be throwing a pillow, as we were just having fun and playing around.
How did it go from light-hearted and fun, to me having to practically yell at him?? Every morning I end up mad at him for something, usually taking too long to get ready, so I was thinking how refreshing it was that we were having fun for once. Why did he have to ruin it? It made me wonder if he has some kind of mood disorder.
When DH came down I told him what had happened. And instead of sympathizing, or offering to talk to him, what does he say? He blamed it on a hormonal surge!
What?!
And he didn't mean my hormones either. He meant L's.
I say again, WHAT??
The kid is not even 7 yet.
He said, "I remember getting that feeling when I was a kid."
Umm, ok, whatever. Maybe when you were 12!
I said that even if that were true, it wouldn't excuse that behaviour.
It's like he is trying to take another side and he's reaching for explanations.
Reaching, HUGE.
So that made my mood dampen.
Then another child arrived. Now the other day, I was expressing to DH how this father brings his child in, who is a just-walking baby and allows her to climb into the house herself. This is all very sweet and all, and a great step towards independance, but I'm sorry, sometimes you can't allow for independance, especially when someone else's heating bill going up is the result of it! He stands there with the door open for ages waiting for her to get herself in the door!
So it was suggested that if it happened again, that I say something gently, before the snow comes and it really has an effect on the heat.
As he opened the door, I put a smile on my face and wished them good morning, and said, "Come on in (child's name), quick, quick, before all the heat goes outside!"
Now wouldn't you take that as a hint if you were the parent? I know I would!
But no, what does the dad say?
He actually scoffed,"Oh, it's not that cold out!"
Say what?
Excuse me, but is he the one paying my bill? I think not. It totally pissed me off. But I tried not to show it, and asked jokingly if he hadn't turned the heat on in his house yet. He said, of course, but he didn't think he had it as warm as I did. What was that supposed to mean? That if I wanted a warmer house, then it was my own fault when other people caused the bill to rise? Or what? Because that's the way I took it. I calmly informed him that I keep the heat set at 21C. That's all.
So now I don't know what else to do. You know me, I hate confrontation, but I really can't allow him to hold the door open wide for a solid minute while he waits for his daughter to climb in all winter long. Especially when the wind is howling and snow is blowing around! I'm thinking maybe I'll have to speak to the mother about it, maybe have her say something, I don't know. I guess that is the coward's way out. Maybe I'll send out a general note asking all the parents to remember to enter and exit quickly? But that seems kind of stupid, especially since I've never done that before. Perhaps I'll just quickly meet them at the door, and pull her in myself.
Not too long after, it was time to get ready so I hustled two babies and six kids to the door to get ready. Of course, the youngest baby had pooped, but there was no time for changing at that point. Why do they always choose the worst times to poop?
Upon returning home, I picked up said baby and whisked her off to the change table, only to discover leakage that was now also all over my sweater! Gross! This baby's diaper was so full there is no way that the mother had changed her diaper this morning! Either that of she drank a GIANT bottle before coming here. And I mean, like, at least a half litre. It takes a lot of pee to make a Pampers leak.
Sigh. That was my current favourite sweater too. The one I had saved for wearing today, what's supposed to be the coldest day of the week. And I always hope to wear my sweaters twice, as it cuts down on laundry and also makes them last longer. I only got to wear it for a couple of hours.
So now I'm feeling rather grumpy. The youngest baby is whining (she's really rather a whiny little thing), the other one won't let me leave her sight (as the appearance of the younger one somehow turns her into a cling-on) but at least the girls are behaving.
I'm also stressed out because tonight was supposed to be P/T conferences. I specifically signed up for later interviews for tonight because of our crazy evening schedules, and because both DH and I want to be there. But now L's teacher needed to reschedule tonight's due to a death in her family, so DH can't come, and R can't even come to his own because his Cub troop is going to a local hockey game. And don't even get me started on how stressed I am about that. Large crowds and children on the cusp of independance make me nervous. I already emailed the leader about making sure he doesn't get to go to the bathroom or snack bar alone. Too many weirdos out there! Anyhow, I hate going to P/T stuff alone, because DH is so much more aggressive and forceful than I am. And L's teacher is a bit of a flake, so she needs to be intimidated encouraged a bit to give L a kick in the ass. DH is better at that than I.
God, I'm a wimp, huh?
Well that's it for my rant today. Hopefully I haven't bored you to tears, or made you want to slap me for whining so much.

Back To School

I spent this most beautiful March weekend for the most part, indoors. This was because we had a science fair project due this Monday. And I say "we" because really, do the kids ever actually do the work themselves?
I find it annoying. I sincerely do not remember my parents ever toiling over projects with me, but it seems to happen a lot in our household. I do remember my dad especially helping me out with some research and contacting various companies, but he never sat and planned/carried out the whole damn project. Is this because we (my DH and I) try to do too much for our son? Or is it because the projects that are sent home too difficult for his age? Or has the education system changed so much that more learning at home is expected? I don't know. All I know is that I already completed grade three, so why does it feel like I'm back in school again?
Several months ago, R had to plan and construct a circus float. He was supposed to use things from around the house, but like most of the parents I'm sure, my DH went out to the local dollar and craft stores and bought supplies. He also planned the float, as there were certain limitations to it (dimensions) and it had to bear a certain amount of weight. The project completed the unit on structures. It took DH and R the whole weekend to put this thing together, and to be honest, it wasn't even the best one I saw (sorry guys). This is how I know that we weren't the only ones that were "helping".
This current project was for the forces and movement science unit. The kids have to present their project, and also there will be a science fair of sorts (without the judging, just displays). The thing is, is that the outline given was rather confusing. It wasn't entirely clear what the whole expectations were, even though the marking rubric was including. But seriously, a marking rubric? How can they, in all honesty, mark this thing? For God's sake, it was sent home!! How can they give a fair mark not knowing how much work the child did, and how much the parent did? I wish I could show you the outline, but that's just too long and boring to retype (and for you to read, I'm sure). I still don't know if we did it right, but it's done now.
The kids could pick from different types of "forces"; i.e., friction, gravity, muscular force, magnetism, etc. We picked magnetism. We did a crude sort of measurement activity, where we laid a tape measure on the table, placed our "main" magnet at zero, and used several other magnets to see how close we would get before the main magnet jumped to meet them. The farther away, the stronger the magnet obviously. Then we used the magnets to move the main one around on top of various surfaces - over a glass dish, a plastic lid, a piece of cardboard, etc. This is the part I'm unsure about. I don't know how you really measure a magnet's strength, and even if I did, I'm sure I wouldn't have the scientific tools to do it. A science fair project should be very precise, and methodical, but how can an 8 year old child accomplish that? And was he supposed to research why magnets attract each other? Cause I sure as hell don't know, and all the kids websites we looked at didn't go into that much detail, so I'm pretty sure it would be a little beyond his understanding.
So we didn't really even go into scientific detail. We just took a bunch of digital pictures, and put together a real purdy Powerpoint presentation (which R has actually done before and therefore taught me how to use the program), as well as a graph (that I made on Excel), writeup (that I mostly typed and wrote while trying to encourage his input as best I could) and a poster board (that I printed all the stuff out for, helped him cut out, and laid it all out).
So can we really say this was R's project?
No.
I'm not really sure what he would have done had I not helped him. Part of me is saying maybe I just should have left him to it; see what kind of a mark he would have got. But I know that all the other parents helped their kids, and there's that mothering instinct again. The one that doesn't want to see your child fail, or be the worst in the class because they're the only one who truly did it all on their own.
So we will take whatever mark we receive. I'm not really bothered by that part so much. And I can take comfort in the fact that it did allow us to spend a weekend together instead of me cleaning while he plays with his brother, which was nice. I also got some really nice hugs and thank yous from him. And I know that there is one part he will have to do all on his own, that I can't help him with, and this part to me is almost the most important part anyway. Far beyond learning about magnetism (really, who needs to know how magnets work anyway?) I think the experience of presenting a project is what he will glean the most benefit from.

School Rants

Today is Labour Day. The last day off of the summer. Officially, summer isn't over, but technically it is. School starts tomorrow, and can I say, I am NOT looking forward to that! Back to making lunches, emptying lunchboxes and cleaning the contents every damn day. Back to walking back and forth to the school, trying to keep track of everyone and braving any weather thrown our way. Ok, I actually like the walking part, just not the part where I have to drag everyone with me. And back to facing the tears.

Oh, the tears. Just last week at the mere mention of the one week left till school, L was in tears. Full on bawling. And I feel for him. He is still my baby, and sometimes I look at him and think, "he's too young to be in school all day, away from his mommy." We had many tears during the two years of Kindergarten (JK and SK here). He never really resigned himself to the fact that he had to go. And this year, he truly does. It's the law, and if I don't send him, then I have to teach him myself, and that ain't gonna happen!

So here's my rant. I hate his teacher he had last year. Let's call her Cow. Cow had never taught kindergarten before last year. She looked to me to be about 20 years old. Not married. No kids. Obviously didn't have much education around teaching young children. And no. They don't have nearly enough of that in Teacher's College. And yes. Teaching K is A LOT DIFFERENT than teaching grade schoolers. The children are still very young, and their abilities are very diversified, plus the way they view the world and think is different. You have to be FLEXIBLE, and ADAPT. Something Cow didn't know how to do. You can't lump them all into the same group and expect them all to mold to your expectations. She thought she knew how to teach K, based on her 5 minutes of training.

So she thought that she "knew" my child somehow. Or rather she thought she "knew" how he "should" be. God. She thought that he should be split up from his very best friend, a boy who is so much like him in personality, a boy who had as much of a hard time adjusting to school as he did, and the boy who, if it weren't for him, he wouldn't have adjusted to school at all. She thought that L was "lost" without him. Truthfully, he wasn't. Once he made friends with J, he branched out, and gathered a group of friends that he played with (including after school and playdates). But still, the schools usually try to keep best buds together going into grade one. It's such a huge change for them, shouldn't they try to make the transition as painless as possible by offering a little comfort?

So why oh why, did this COW decide to not recommend they be placed in the same class? WHY I ask you??

Now I come to the second part. During the end of the last school year, I requested to L's teacher that when they make up the classes for next year that he NOT be placed in a certain teacher's class. There are four Grade one classes. Surely it's not too much to ask that he not be placed in just one of them, that leaves three other options. But no. I found out Friday that he has been placed in that class. Not only that, but it is a SPLIT CLASS!! Split with SK!!!

I am insensed! I am OUTRAGED!! The reason I asked for him not to be placed in that class, was because for the past two years, I have heard from other parents how she is not a very good teacher. Now, I can't exactly go into the office saying that, it's all hearsay. But I can express my concerns over the fact that it's a split class. I think he's going to be very distracted if half the class are playing with toys. How will he ever get any work done? He's not very good at concentrating as it is, and considering that many kids going into grade one are reading, and he isn't quite there, I think he needs as much concentration as possible.

This is what I hate. I HATE confrontation. I HATE having to talk to people about things I'm not pleased about. I'm a rug, just walk all over me. But I have to do this. It's for my child. The thing is though, is that I know that I'm such a wimp, that even if I do get a chance to speak with whoever I speak with, I'll present my case and then back off when he (or she) rebuts with reasonable answers. Rrrrrrrgh. Perhaps I can convince DH to do it for me. He is sooooo much better at it than I am.

So the last thing I want to say is this. I'm going to miss my boys. I always do when school starts back up. And it's just a reminder to me of how time is passing us by, how they are growing so fast.

That being said, I will go and spend this last day off with them. Happy Labour Day.