Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Stupid Argument

Yes, I know it's been waaaay too long since I last posted, no wonder I don't have many followers! But it's only because I've been much busier with a new baby in the daycare, and things like summer, and....well, summer.

Anyhow, I'm not blogging today to apologize for not blogging. I wanted to try to clear my head about something. It's pretty trivial, you'll probably think, but it's still bothering me.

Yesterday I was at a bbq/party hosted by my sister, N, for my BIL's 40th birthday. There were quite a few people there, and the surprise portion was pulled off without a hitch. Instead of gifts, everyone was asked to bring a dish to share, and that worked really well. My sister provided the hotdogs and hamburgers, and my brother, A, volunteered to man the bbq.

Now my bro is 9 years younger than me. There is a world of difference between us. Sometimes I wonder if we're even from the same family. As he was bbq-ing the burgers, he passed me one, and I rejected it, telling him that it wasn't fully cooked. I could see that part of it was still slightly gooey, still a tiny bit pink. I am very conscious of undercooked meat and the bacteria that they may contain. I know that not every single piece of beef contains E-coli., and that not every piece of chicken contains salmonella. But who wants to take that chance?

So as he took back the patty, I also said that I needed a new bun. I wasn't going to take the chance that undercooked meat juices may have transferred to the bun, that's called cross-contamination people! Maybe you think I'm paranoid, but that's fine. As long as you agree that there is the slightest chance that a small vomit-and-diarrhea-inducing-bacteria may have fallen from the burger onto the bun, then I'm not going to play those odds!

A started an argument with me about this, telling me, ME!! that I needed to "do my research"! W.T.F.???!! Where does he get off? Isn't it common knowledge that improperly cooked burgers can make you sick? He had some strange, bizarre idea that "it's not the bacteria in the meat that makes you sick, it's..." and here is where I end quote because I can't remember for sure what he was trying to say, but it was such a strange and foreign idea that I think my brain rejected it. It had something to do with being left out, and making other germs though.

I know, it doesn't make sense.

The argument became more and more heated, with my mom trying to jump in and (thankfully) trying to support my argument. A was trying to argue that if there was bacteria in the meat, you would get sick whether you cooked the meat or not. Not true. Why on earth does he think that? Why does he think that "they" tell you to cook meat to certain temps? To kill any unwanted germs in there, that's why!!

The clincher of this issue, the part that pissed me off most, was when he said, "Whatever, I'm not going to argue with you."

People, if you ever want to piss me off for whatever reason, you're having a bad day and want someone to suffer with you, or I made you upset for something I did another time, or you just plain have it in for me, then the surest and fastest way to piss me off is for you to pick a fight with me (and it doesn't have to be about anything major, it could just be a harmless debate) and then end it with that statement.

Whatever, I'm not going to argue with you.

My DH does that. Often. And it NEVER fails to enrage me all the more. Why bother arguing in the first place if you're "not going to argue" with me? Just tell me I'm right, and have done with it.

So back to the purpose of this post. I am trying to figure out why this argument upset me so much. I dwelt on it for the rest of the afternoon/night, and even this morning I woke up thinking about it. I really shouldn't care. A and I see each other, at best 4 or 5 times a year. We don't communicate much at all otherwise. We don't phone each other, or even email. Even if I post on his FB page he rarely responds. We are both at very different stages in life, and will probably remain that way until we both have married children. He isn't even married yet himself, although he does finally have a steady girlfriend.

He and I are so different. We have different views on life entirely. He is the youngest child of our family, and was spoiled rotten. He was also the only boy. I am the oldest of the three girls. I'm not sure if these things matter, but they seem to in our family.

Outside of our family, if I ever met him on the street, or through a friend, I would NEVER be friends with him. Other than his sharp wit and wicked sense of humour, I would find nothing redeeming about him. He has unrealistic ideas of the world, and strange ideas at that. He is immature beyond what is acceptable to me, and stubborn and pig-headed. He has that sense of entitlement to him that irks me, and that my friend Lisa blogged about here.

So why was this argument bothering me so much?

Here are my theories:
  1. I was concerned about his devil-may-care attitude that may lead to the sickness of all the party-goers, children included (yeah, that's probably not it.)
  2. I rarely see him and so the fact that we were arguing during one of these rare times upset me all the more (hmmm, maybe.)
  3. I was right, and he was wrong, and I want the world to know it! (this one's very likely)
  4. He said the magic words to piss me off for all eternity (and I'm not going to repeat them again).
  5. His whole pig-headed attitude and immediate assumption that I needed to get my facts straight made me second-guess myself, when I shouldn't be, so that pissed me off (another likely one.)
  6. I wanted to smack him silly, and didn't get a chance to. (BINGO!)
I'd love to hear your take on this!


  1. I would expect the fact he didn't acknowledge the fact you were right is what is really pissing you off. And not being able to smack him in the head.

    What type of box does he live in that he doesn't know you have to cook meat, particularly hamburger and chicken, to a certain internal temperature. Even the meat producers will tell you this.


  2. Most families have oddballs in them. If you don't know who that is, chances are that it's YOU. Thankfully, you now have unconditional proof that it's your brother :)

    I had annoying arguments with my dad before I learned to just disengage. I learned that it wasn't worth getting worked up about because HE clearly wasn't ... he seemed to be enjoying himself, or just didn't realize that the argument had gone on too long. So now when I find myself in that situation, I say something that shows I'm done, and either leave to talk to someone else, talk to the person beside me, or go do something (like get a drink, cut my food, etc.).

    My brother still gets into it with our dad. But I'm SO happy that I've been able to stop the entanglement - my DH has noticed a huge difference in my stress level at family get togethers.

    I hope you're able to accept your brother as the annoying twit he can be ;) Next time, cook your kids hamburgers yourself after he's done, or nuke them before they touch the bun.


    Then go smack him upside the head when he's least expecting it :)