Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I'm addicted to chocolate. I truly believe I am, on some level. Not as bad as an alcoholic, but maybe somewhat closer to a smoker. I need it. I crave it. At certain times of the day, of the week, of the month. Usually I can get by with a couple of squares, or bites. Other times, no. I take one bite and it's like a crack in the dam. Every subsequent bite thereafter splits the crack wider until it's an unstoppable flow.
I was desperate for some chocolate the other day. I even posted my craving on FB. My sister, N, who incidentally does not really even like chocolate, responded back to, get this, "eat an APPLE!" She heard, apparently, that they get rid of the craving. I had to laugh my ass off at that one. Spoken like a true health nut. She just doesn't understand chocolate at all.
But, to be fair to her (and to my own resolution to eat less, exercise more, and be healthier) I tried it yesterday. I had finished my workout with the Wii Active, and was craving something sweet at the usual time of day. The top cupboard in my kitchen beckoned to me, whispering sweetly in my ear like a lover, "Come, eat me, I'm here for your pleasure, I'm all yours...It's ok... you worked out...it's safe..."
"No!" I refused. And I turned instead to the fridge to retrieve an apple. As I sat munching the crunchy, sweet goodness, all I could think about was...
CHOCOLATE!!!
And when I finished the last bite and placed the core neatly in the greenbin, do you know what I did?
I went straight to the top cupboard, apologizing profusely to my spurned lover, and he welcomed me back with open arms.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Heartaches
I am having a difficult time lately with L. It seems we are ALWAYS fighting. He and I. I really think that our personalities clash, whereas R and I match. I understand R. I DO NOT understand L.
So I am feeling a lot of guilt. You know, the main emotion of motherhood.
I don't like constantly badgering him. But I have always (or at least I hope) been the type of mom to carry through with expectations. I don't like to be lenient with one child, and not the other. If I say to do something, it should be done.
Now, I'm no tyrant. It's not like I'm asking him to scrub the floors, or even clean the toilets. It's small stuff, like, get dressed, time for school, come for dinner, brush your teeth, well, you know the mantra. And the answer is (take your pick here) "In a minute" "I don't want to" "Why do I have to?" "Why isn't R?" and many others. Of course the answer to the last one, why isn't R, is usually that he's already done it, being the golden child that he is.
But it's not just that. It's also the whining, and the complaining. How do you get your kids to be grateful for what they have instead of always, wanting, wanting, wanting more? Here is a small example:
I made pancakes for breakfast the other day. Not a common occurance on a weekday, but I was feeling generous and energetic apparantly. L loves pancakes. I also put frozen blueberries in them, knowing that enjoys eating the frozen ones, and also has previously enjoyed the frozen pancakes (commercially made) with blueberries.
After sitting down, he complained about the blueberries. Then the syrup (we make him use a cheaper version since he uses too much), then something else, althoughI've blocked it memory fails me here.
Why couldn't he just be happy and excited that I had made him pancakes?
Another:
While out doing some shopping, L expressed that he wanted a Puffle (a stuffed toy). Disregarding the fact that we have only just had Christmas AND his birthday during which he received 4 different stuffies, I told him that maybe he could buy one with his own birthday money. That was ok with him, but he wanted to go NOW! No, we maybe will go on the weekend. And then the whining starts. "Why do I have to wait? I want to go now! So-and-so has one, I NEED one!"
"But L, you just four stuffies less than a month ago!"
"I don't care, I don't want them!" (not true).
Sigh. I guess he's too spoiled. But his brother is treated the same, if not he gets more, and he's not like this.
Now here's the part I'm struggling with the most. Most of the time, he won't let me give him any affection. He shrugs off hugs and kisses. He definitely won't initiate them. When he cries and I ask what's wrong, he won't tell me, or I have to ask a million times and beg. I guess I should stop doing that now that I see it here in writing. Just let him cry. But that's hard to watch. And the kicker is, last night he said he only loves Daddy. And it wasn't during a heated moment either. He was upset, yes, but it wasn't screamed out while I was punishing him or something.
DH says not to take it to heart. And I'm trying. But part of me is going, "You ungrateful little S.O.B! I carried you for nine months, expelled you without drugs from my womb, ripping myself in half during the process, and gave up my freedom, my body, my sleep, my money, even my health for you, and THIS is how you repay me??!!"
But that's what mothers do, right?
It's just really hard to like him lately. I love him, of course, but like? Hmmm, only when he's asleep!
So I am feeling a lot of guilt. You know, the main emotion of motherhood.
I don't like constantly badgering him. But I have always (or at least I hope) been the type of mom to carry through with expectations. I don't like to be lenient with one child, and not the other. If I say to do something, it should be done.
Now, I'm no tyrant. It's not like I'm asking him to scrub the floors, or even clean the toilets. It's small stuff, like, get dressed, time for school, come for dinner, brush your teeth, well, you know the mantra. And the answer is (take your pick here) "In a minute" "I don't want to" "Why do I have to?" "Why isn't R?" and many others. Of course the answer to the last one, why isn't R, is usually that he's already done it, being the golden child that he is.
But it's not just that. It's also the whining, and the complaining. How do you get your kids to be grateful for what they have instead of always, wanting, wanting, wanting more? Here is a small example:
I made pancakes for breakfast the other day. Not a common occurance on a weekday, but I was feeling generous and energetic apparantly. L loves pancakes. I also put frozen blueberries in them, knowing that enjoys eating the frozen ones, and also has previously enjoyed the frozen pancakes (commercially made) with blueberries.
After sitting down, he complained about the blueberries. Then the syrup (we make him use a cheaper version since he uses too much), then something else, although
Why couldn't he just be happy and excited that I had made him pancakes?
Another:
While out doing some shopping, L expressed that he wanted a Puffle (a stuffed toy). Disregarding the fact that we have only just had Christmas AND his birthday during which he received 4 different stuffies, I told him that maybe he could buy one with his own birthday money. That was ok with him, but he wanted to go NOW! No, we maybe will go on the weekend. And then the whining starts. "Why do I have to wait? I want to go now! So-and-so has one, I NEED one!"
"But L, you just four stuffies less than a month ago!"
"I don't care, I don't want them!" (not true).
Sigh. I guess he's too spoiled. But his brother is treated the same, if not he gets more, and he's not like this.
Now here's the part I'm struggling with the most. Most of the time, he won't let me give him any affection. He shrugs off hugs and kisses. He definitely won't initiate them. When he cries and I ask what's wrong, he won't tell me, or I have to ask a million times and beg. I guess I should stop doing that now that I see it here in writing. Just let him cry. But that's hard to watch. And the kicker is, last night he said he only loves Daddy. And it wasn't during a heated moment either. He was upset, yes, but it wasn't screamed out while I was punishing him or something.
DH says not to take it to heart. And I'm trying. But part of me is going, "You ungrateful little S.O.B! I carried you for nine months, expelled you without drugs from my womb, ripping myself in half during the process, and gave up my freedom, my body, my sleep, my money, even my health for you, and THIS is how you repay me??!!"
But that's what mothers do, right?
It's just really hard to like him lately. I love him, of course, but like? Hmmm, only when he's asleep!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Winter Blahs
It's that time of year again, the time when I just want to curl up in a ball and hibernate till spring. No one bug me!
I truly hate this time of year. It is depressing. If you're like me, you don't have the money for a vacation, so you're stuck with the grey skies and snowy landscape for a good six months. Going outside to play involves multiple layers of clothing and too much preparation. And then someone has to pee. So, you're stuck inside most of the time, watching your lower half of your body become wider by the second from lack of use.
It's the post-Christmas lull. All the hype, fun, and expectation of Yuletide celebrations is gone. There really is nothing to look forward to other than spring. And that's still too far away to contemplate. No holidays (I don't count Valentine's Day, it's stupid), no vacations, no time off.
So I am taking it one week or month at a time. This year, I am really trying hard to not let myself fall into that pattern of depression. I am counting off all the things I have to look forward to, no matter how small. So here they are:
*My youngest sister's baby shower
*The birth of my niece (coming at the end of Feb)
*Family Day, Feb 15 (at least one day off from work, although unpaid for the most part. For those of you that are American, this is a day our government brought in recently to give people a day off between New Year's and Easter, as we don't have a President's Day)
*A dinner date with another couple using a gift card I received for Xmas (sometime early Feb)
*A local hockey game we have tickets for
*Weekly skating trips with the fandamily (and I got new skates so I can't wait to try them out!)
*At some point, taking the boys snowtubing and/or skiing for the first time (I say I'm going to do it EVERY year, and never get around to it)
I can't think of anything else, but you get the picture. I am also trying to keep up with my vitamins (as I tend to forget them) and also am taking extra Vit D which apparantly helps us northerners with the lack of sunshine.
Well, there's my boring post. Just a peek inside my ever exciting life.
I truly hate this time of year. It is depressing. If you're like me, you don't have the money for a vacation, so you're stuck with the grey skies and snowy landscape for a good six months. Going outside to play involves multiple layers of clothing and too much preparation. And then someone has to pee. So, you're stuck inside most of the time, watching your lower half of your body become wider by the second from lack of use.
It's the post-Christmas lull. All the hype, fun, and expectation of Yuletide celebrations is gone. There really is nothing to look forward to other than spring. And that's still too far away to contemplate. No holidays (I don't count Valentine's Day, it's stupid), no vacations, no time off.
So I am taking it one week or month at a time. This year, I am really trying hard to not let myself fall into that pattern of depression. I am counting off all the things I have to look forward to, no matter how small. So here they are:
*My youngest sister's baby shower
*The birth of my niece (coming at the end of Feb)
*Family Day, Feb 15 (at least one day off from work, although unpaid for the most part. For those of you that are American, this is a day our government brought in recently to give people a day off between New Year's and Easter, as we don't have a President's Day)
*A dinner date with another couple using a gift card I received for Xmas (sometime early Feb)
*A local hockey game we have tickets for
*Weekly skating trips with the fandamily (and I got new skates so I can't wait to try them out!)
*At some point, taking the boys snowtubing and/or skiing for the first time (I say I'm going to do it EVERY year, and never get around to it)
I can't think of anything else, but you get the picture. I am also trying to keep up with my vitamins (as I tend to forget them) and also am taking extra Vit D which apparantly helps us northerners with the lack of sunshine.
Well, there's my boring post. Just a peek inside my ever exciting life.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Olympic Flame Comes to Town!
So the Olympic Torch came through my city the other night. It was pretty exciting! I just had to take the boys to see it, as it could potentially be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Of course being us, we headed out late, intending to go to the main celebration at the City Hall, but didn't make it there. I told DH before about the route the flame would take, ending at City Hall for the night where everyone would gather. And of course being a man, he had not "heard" me, or "forgot" and so we ended up on the road that I knew would be closed at any moment. But as luck would have it, at the very moment we pulled up to an intersection, the cop standing there closed it off, allowing no more traffic through, and we just parked right there in the middle of the road and hopped out of the vehicle. It just so happened that we were right at the point that the Flame hand-off was going to be made, and at the right time too. How cool was that?!
So here are a few pics, and of course as I can NEVER get anything right with blogger, they ended up in the wrong order. Therefore, if you please, go to the last pic and view them in reverse order.
Here the flame is being shared, to a rousing chorus of "Oh, Canada" being badly yet patriotically sung by the crowd.
A shot of the kids (who met up with a friend by chance) with the torch bearer (don't know his name).
The torch bearer.
I also tried to upload a video, but that didn't work, so you can watch it on my Facebook page.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas blahs
So here I sit, trying to will myself to want to get up and get dressed, willing myself to try to be eager to visit with my family. And the truth is, I'm not. Christmas just isn't the same anymore around the "Cox" household. It's still taking some getting used to. This is only the second Xmas since my parents split up, so really, two holidays isn't really much time to become a routine. My mom is still depressed, especially now since her dog passed. I don't blame her, of course, but she also doesn't try to help herself much. My sister lives literally around the corner from her, and she only sees her when she needs her or my BIL to do something at her house. My sister invites her to come over, come in for a bit, stay for awhile, but there's always some excuse why she can't.
Anyhow, enough about that. We also decided not to exchange gifts anymore. And while at the time I thought this was a very good idea, as most of us are struggling with money, I am now wondering if that really was the best answer. The gift exchange gives you something to look forward to, and to reflect back on when you use or look at the gifts after. I am thinking that maybe we should have just set a limit, tried a little harder rather than taking the lazy way out.
The reason I am thinking this now is because yesterday was our get together with DH's family. That involved his parents, his sis, her boyfriend, and his grandmother (and also four dogs). We also all decided to forgo the gift exchange, due to my FIL's ever-changing employment status, my SIL's closure of her business, and our current status. Now, it's not like his grandmother is hurting for money, she's practically a millionaire compared to the rest of us. But, as agreed, she didn't buy gifts either. The kids got gifts, of course, but that was it. You know, it makes for a really boring Christmas. And I have to admit, I am REALLY missing that nice fat cheque that DH's grandmother usually gives us. We did play my SIL's new pictionary game for a bit, which was fun for a short while. As usual, my idiotic MIL didn't put the damn turkey on early enough (you'd think she's have learned by now) and we didn't end up eating until almost 8:30!!! My poor boys were starving and exhausted. I mean, that's a half hour past their lights out bedtime, and they hadn't even had dinner yet! Of course I wasn't expecting them to be in bed at a normal time, but I did hope to eat before then! I was getting severely pissed off with the whole situation. I suggested, hopefully, around 5:00 when the turkey still had almost 20 degrees to go, that she turn up the oven. I mean, she had the damn thing at 325F!! I know that is the suggested cooking temp on the package, but if your turkey still has three effing hours to cook, then you need to turn up the damn heat!! So I was quite browned off and annoyed with her. She didn't even put out some crackers or something. I thought poor L was going to pass out. It's a good thing he's six now; had he been a little younger, there would have been some major tantrums going on, I'm sure. So we left straight after dessert. We didn't even stay to help clean up, and I hope that pissed her off. It was still 10:30 by the time we got home and got the boys to bed, and for two little kids who had been up since just after six, that's a looooooonnnnnnggggg day.
So back to today. My sis has informed me that my niece is sick with a fever, and vomiting last night. So that's just great. Really, had it been any other day, and not Christmas, I would have said we're not coming.
My dad is in England. He is at least spending Christmas with his own family. I miss him though, as he was here at our's last year, and that was really nice. Of course I miss us just being all together, but I know that's a thing of the past. Mostly I just miss the happiness of being together, without the melancholy, the whispered slanders and remarks, and the forced smiles. I miss the house I grew up in a lot, but I also miss my parents' house they had for a few years before the separation. That was a great house for family get-togethers.
Yesterday I didn't end up calling my mom until around noon. I feel bad about that, in retrospect, especially after talking with my other sister, S, and hearing that aside from her, no one else had called her. She had spent all of Christmas morning alone. My heart breaks at that thought, but then at the same time, I think, why the hell didn't she got over to N's house, and watch her granddaughter open her gifts?? She really doesn't have to be alone. S thinks she just doesn't want to be nuisance, but she is being a nuisance by trying not to be. She is making us all feel bad for her being alone Xmas morning, and how does she think N feels, when the only time she comes over or calls is when she needs my BIL, D, to do something for her, or for N to open the house to some workmen or something while she is at work?
Ok, I'm getting off topic. Back to Christmas.
So the weather isn't helping my spirit much. It's raining. All the beautiful snow is melting, and everything just looks blah and grey. As usual, my DH came up pretty short in the gift department. One year, he got me a turkey baster for my stocking. REALLY? Are you serious? So that gives you a bit of a history. He hasn't been too bad of late, but I really should start posting a list or something on the fridge, because hinting just isn't working with him. When he took the boys out shopping, I actually told R and pointed out all the things in the flyers that I wanted that they could choose from. The only thing he got me that I wanted was a $50 gift card for iTunes. I was a little shocked at that. I was expecting 10, maybe 20. I don't seriously want to give $50 of our money to Apple inc. for over-priced music. But of course, you can't return gift cards. He also got me a charger for my phone for the car (because, yeah, I spend soooo much time in the car...) and a GPS for the car. What? He said he thought I wanted one. Nooooooo.... that was you dear. He claims even R thought I wanted one. Ummm, not really. I find them distracting. My sis S has one in her car, as well as my dad, and I've found that when I'm in the car with them, I can't stop looking at them. That doesn't bode well for driving. So that was kind of a crappy morning for me, gift wise. The boys opened their presents so fast they barely had time to appreciate what they got. It was all over in less than an hour, stockings and all. Sigh.
To top it all off, I got my period. Yeah, you really wanted to know that I know. But it just adds to my misery and I'll tell you why. This past month I wasn't on the pill. This was because I ran out of my prescription, and I have idiots for doctors, but that's another long story. Anyhoo, I have to wait until mid-Jan so I can get a refill. So, when I haven't been on the pill, everything is soooo much worse. Way more moody, (though I try hard not to be), very painful cramps pulsating down my legs, my stomach hurts in the worst way (all of my stomach, not just the reproductive area either), my back hurts, my head hurts, and there is more of just everything else, which I won't elaborate on if you know what I mean. To sum it up, all I want to do is curl up in bed for three days or so with a heating pad and a whole whack of painkillers, the stronger the better. But I can't do that. Instead, I have to go visiting, and pretend I'm having a joyful time.
Bah, Humbug!
Anyhow, enough about that. We also decided not to exchange gifts anymore. And while at the time I thought this was a very good idea, as most of us are struggling with money, I am now wondering if that really was the best answer. The gift exchange gives you something to look forward to, and to reflect back on when you use or look at the gifts after. I am thinking that maybe we should have just set a limit, tried a little harder rather than taking the lazy way out.
The reason I am thinking this now is because yesterday was our get together with DH's family. That involved his parents, his sis, her boyfriend, and his grandmother (and also four dogs). We also all decided to forgo the gift exchange, due to my FIL's ever-changing employment status, my SIL's closure of her business, and our current status. Now, it's not like his grandmother is hurting for money, she's practically a millionaire compared to the rest of us. But, as agreed, she didn't buy gifts either. The kids got gifts, of course, but that was it. You know, it makes for a really boring Christmas. And I have to admit, I am REALLY missing that nice fat cheque that DH's grandmother usually gives us. We did play my SIL's new pictionary game for a bit, which was fun for a short while. As usual, my idiotic MIL didn't put the damn turkey on early enough (you'd think she's have learned by now) and we didn't end up eating until almost 8:30!!! My poor boys were starving and exhausted. I mean, that's a half hour past their lights out bedtime, and they hadn't even had dinner yet! Of course I wasn't expecting them to be in bed at a normal time, but I did hope to eat before then! I was getting severely pissed off with the whole situation. I suggested, hopefully, around 5:00 when the turkey still had almost 20 degrees to go, that she turn up the oven. I mean, she had the damn thing at 325F!! I know that is the suggested cooking temp on the package, but if your turkey still has three effing hours to cook, then you need to turn up the damn heat!! So I was quite browned off and annoyed with her. She didn't even put out some crackers or something. I thought poor L was going to pass out. It's a good thing he's six now; had he been a little younger, there would have been some major tantrums going on, I'm sure. So we left straight after dessert. We didn't even stay to help clean up, and I hope that pissed her off. It was still 10:30 by the time we got home and got the boys to bed, and for two little kids who had been up since just after six, that's a looooooonnnnnnggggg day.
So back to today. My sis has informed me that my niece is sick with a fever, and vomiting last night. So that's just great. Really, had it been any other day, and not Christmas, I would have said we're not coming.
My dad is in England. He is at least spending Christmas with his own family. I miss him though, as he was here at our's last year, and that was really nice. Of course I miss us just being all together, but I know that's a thing of the past. Mostly I just miss the happiness of being together, without the melancholy, the whispered slanders and remarks, and the forced smiles. I miss the house I grew up in a lot, but I also miss my parents' house they had for a few years before the separation. That was a great house for family get-togethers.
Yesterday I didn't end up calling my mom until around noon. I feel bad about that, in retrospect, especially after talking with my other sister, S, and hearing that aside from her, no one else had called her. She had spent all of Christmas morning alone. My heart breaks at that thought, but then at the same time, I think, why the hell didn't she got over to N's house, and watch her granddaughter open her gifts?? She really doesn't have to be alone. S thinks she just doesn't want to be nuisance, but she is being a nuisance by trying not to be. She is making us all feel bad for her being alone Xmas morning, and how does she think N feels, when the only time she comes over or calls is when she needs my BIL, D, to do something for her, or for N to open the house to some workmen or something while she is at work?
Ok, I'm getting off topic. Back to Christmas.
So the weather isn't helping my spirit much. It's raining. All the beautiful snow is melting, and everything just looks blah and grey. As usual, my DH came up pretty short in the gift department. One year, he got me a turkey baster for my stocking. REALLY? Are you serious? So that gives you a bit of a history. He hasn't been too bad of late, but I really should start posting a list or something on the fridge, because hinting just isn't working with him. When he took the boys out shopping, I actually told R and pointed out all the things in the flyers that I wanted that they could choose from. The only thing he got me that I wanted was a $50 gift card for iTunes. I was a little shocked at that. I was expecting 10, maybe 20. I don't seriously want to give $50 of our money to Apple inc. for over-priced music. But of course, you can't return gift cards. He also got me a charger for my phone for the car (because, yeah, I spend soooo much time in the car...) and a GPS for the car. What? He said he thought I wanted one. Nooooooo.... that was you dear. He claims even R thought I wanted one. Ummm, not really. I find them distracting. My sis S has one in her car, as well as my dad, and I've found that when I'm in the car with them, I can't stop looking at them. That doesn't bode well for driving. So that was kind of a crappy morning for me, gift wise. The boys opened their presents so fast they barely had time to appreciate what they got. It was all over in less than an hour, stockings and all. Sigh.
To top it all off, I got my period. Yeah, you really wanted to know that I know. But it just adds to my misery and I'll tell you why. This past month I wasn't on the pill. This was because I ran out of my prescription, and I have idiots for doctors, but that's another long story. Anyhoo, I have to wait until mid-Jan so I can get a refill. So, when I haven't been on the pill, everything is soooo much worse. Way more moody, (though I try hard not to be), very painful cramps pulsating down my legs, my stomach hurts in the worst way (all of my stomach, not just the reproductive area either), my back hurts, my head hurts, and there is more of just everything else, which I won't elaborate on if you know what I mean. To sum it up, all I want to do is curl up in bed for three days or so with a heating pad and a whole whack of painkillers, the stronger the better. But I can't do that. Instead, I have to go visiting, and pretend I'm having a joyful time.
Bah, Humbug!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Flu Shot
Ok, I've been telling myself I won't blog about this, because everyone else is sick to death of hearing about it, but I just needed to vent it out.
I really don't know what to do about the H1N1 shot. Right now, I have some time to think, because my Dr.'s office hasn't started offering it yet, and the clinics are only focusing on the high risk groups, which we do not (thankfully) fall into. Well, L could technically go, as they are doing children 5 and under, but then he is very close to 6 now and I am not doing it all separately. If we're going, we're all going together.
I have to say, I'm scared. Scared of the needle, scared of the pain (this coming from a woman who gave birth twice without the aid of drugs) and scared of the repercussions. "They" say it is safe. "They" say it is necessary. But that's what "they" said about thalidomide (the anti-nausea drug they gave women in the 60's? 70's? and caused MAJOR birth defects) and countless other drugs. Who knows what will happen 6 months down the road, or a year or five?
I wasn't too pro-vaccinations to begin with. I put off getting my own boys vaccinated until I felt their little bodies were strong enough to handle all that nasty foreign matter being injected into them. And the whole Autism link freaked me out too. I know, I know, there isn't any kind of conclusive evidence, but that doesn't wash with me. The scariest part was the stories of SIDS after babies had their shots. No one can conclusively link the two, but....
So I don't like the idea of injecting all that stuff into our bodies. How do we know that all these shots won't cause cancer down the road? It's too far away to link it, but how come almost every single person I know is touched by cancer in some way?
We are living in a chemical world. Everything we touch is man-made practically. It's all plastic, or some form of polypropylene or the like. We eat off it, drink from it, bathe in it, sit on it, wear it, ride it, and unless you are lucky enough to afford all organic food, we eat it.
So if I can prevent at least a small amount of extra chemicals from leeching into my kids' bodies, I want to. I just can't decide which risk is greater.
I really don't know what to do about the H1N1 shot. Right now, I have some time to think, because my Dr.'s office hasn't started offering it yet, and the clinics are only focusing on the high risk groups, which we do not (thankfully) fall into. Well, L could technically go, as they are doing children 5 and under, but then he is very close to 6 now and I am not doing it all separately. If we're going, we're all going together.
I have to say, I'm scared. Scared of the needle, scared of the pain (this coming from a woman who gave birth twice without the aid of drugs) and scared of the repercussions. "They" say it is safe. "They" say it is necessary. But that's what "they" said about thalidomide (the anti-nausea drug they gave women in the 60's? 70's? and caused MAJOR birth defects) and countless other drugs. Who knows what will happen 6 months down the road, or a year or five?
I wasn't too pro-vaccinations to begin with. I put off getting my own boys vaccinated until I felt their little bodies were strong enough to handle all that nasty foreign matter being injected into them. And the whole Autism link freaked me out too. I know, I know, there isn't any kind of conclusive evidence, but that doesn't wash with me. The scariest part was the stories of SIDS after babies had their shots. No one can conclusively link the two, but....
So I don't like the idea of injecting all that stuff into our bodies. How do we know that all these shots won't cause cancer down the road? It's too far away to link it, but how come almost every single person I know is touched by cancer in some way?
We are living in a chemical world. Everything we touch is man-made practically. It's all plastic, or some form of polypropylene or the like. We eat off it, drink from it, bathe in it, sit on it, wear it, ride it, and unless you are lucky enough to afford all organic food, we eat it.
So if I can prevent at least a small amount of extra chemicals from leeching into my kids' bodies, I want to. I just can't decide which risk is greater.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Wednesday whine
This week I have had a lighter load. It just works out that way sometimes, with all the different shiftwork that the parents have. On Monday, I only had one child scheduled, and her Grandma ended up coming to visit, insisting to her mother that she be the one to care for her, so I ended up with a day off! Wonder of wonders!! So that's happened to me twice in all of seven years now. It felt great too. I went to the mall, returned an item, and proceeded to buy myself some new underwear and bras. I got properly fitted and everything. I find that the only time I can do something like that, and be relaxed about it, is when I am ALONE. I can just imagine how it would feel to be a "kept housewife". Luxurious. And....boring too, I'll bet. Although I'd REALLY like the chance to find out how boring. I bet I could find enough to do for a while. I'd really like to be able to volunteer at the kids' school. I'm sure that would occupy enough of my time.
So Tuesday was ok, I was missing one regular child due to a visit from Grandpa, plus the same one as Monday, but I had one extra that I don't normally have on a Tues. which made up for the slack. Today, I am still missing the same little girl, but she'll be back tomorrow, according to her mom. I only have two boys here, one almost five, the other three, they are brothers. While they are being good, the older one is telling me how boring all the toys are. Geez. They have too much, and no imagination. I pointed out how boring it would really be if there were NO toys, and that shut him up. I can hear him whimpering in the other room, probably moaning about having nothing to do, but I don't really care. I'm sorry if that sounds cold, but I believe that kids shouldn't have to be entertained when provided with ample stimulation. And definitely not at five years old. I have plenty of things for them to do, and MORE than enough toys. So I don't feel guilty or obliged in any way.
The thing that sucks the most about this week though is that tomorrow, being Thursday and always my busiest day, is the day of L's little concert they are having. R had one when he was in grade one; it has to do with the native studies they have been doing, and they dress up and sing a bunch of songs. It was cute when R did it, and it was only about 15 minutes long. The bad part is that I have 5 kids to drag along with me (down from six as one parent unexpectedly got the day off), with two of them under the age of two. It starts at 9:20, so I either walk home, turn around and directly walk back again, or hang around outside in the cold doing god knows what. I guess I could take them to the park, and hope that it is warm enough and not rainy, but I just KNOW that one or both of the babies will poop, and then we'll have to sit through the concert with that smell. Then there is the fact that how do I control five kids under five, especially the babies? Ok, I know the three and four year olds will be ok, but it's the two smaller ones I'm concerned about. That, PLUS trying to video the concert. Arggh!
So, I don't think I will be able to go. And I feel soooooo bad about that. I am really hoping DH can go, but he said it depends on if he is working or not. He has worked so little these past few weeks that he can't take time off if he is called in. Last week was his "reading week" at school; why couldn't they have had the concert then? Or Monday? Or Tues? Or today?? Or even at night? Only at our school do they have presentations and special things in the middle of the day and expect parents to be able to make it. I guess it's because of the neighbourhood I live in; there are sooooo many stay-at-home moms! It astonishes me! I do know that some of them have part time jobs in the evening or weekends, but there is a large percentage that are just home, not working. I don't know how they do it in this day and age, but there you go. Much more careful planning then we've ever done, I guess. Maybe we need some lessons, lol.
So Tuesday was ok, I was missing one regular child due to a visit from Grandpa, plus the same one as Monday, but I had one extra that I don't normally have on a Tues. which made up for the slack. Today, I am still missing the same little girl, but she'll be back tomorrow, according to her mom. I only have two boys here, one almost five, the other three, they are brothers. While they are being good, the older one is telling me how boring all the toys are. Geez. They have too much, and no imagination. I pointed out how boring it would really be if there were NO toys, and that shut him up. I can hear him whimpering in the other room, probably moaning about having nothing to do, but I don't really care. I'm sorry if that sounds cold, but I believe that kids shouldn't have to be entertained when provided with ample stimulation. And definitely not at five years old. I have plenty of things for them to do, and MORE than enough toys. So I don't feel guilty or obliged in any way.
The thing that sucks the most about this week though is that tomorrow, being Thursday and always my busiest day, is the day of L's little concert they are having. R had one when he was in grade one; it has to do with the native studies they have been doing, and they dress up and sing a bunch of songs. It was cute when R did it, and it was only about 15 minutes long. The bad part is that I have 5 kids to drag along with me (down from six as one parent unexpectedly got the day off), with two of them under the age of two. It starts at 9:20, so I either walk home, turn around and directly walk back again, or hang around outside in the cold doing god knows what. I guess I could take them to the park, and hope that it is warm enough and not rainy, but I just KNOW that one or both of the babies will poop, and then we'll have to sit through the concert with that smell. Then there is the fact that how do I control five kids under five, especially the babies? Ok, I know the three and four year olds will be ok, but it's the two smaller ones I'm concerned about. That, PLUS trying to video the concert. Arggh!
So, I don't think I will be able to go. And I feel soooooo bad about that. I am really hoping DH can go, but he said it depends on if he is working or not. He has worked so little these past few weeks that he can't take time off if he is called in. Last week was his "reading week" at school; why couldn't they have had the concert then? Or Monday? Or Tues? Or today?? Or even at night? Only at our school do they have presentations and special things in the middle of the day and expect parents to be able to make it. I guess it's because of the neighbourhood I live in; there are sooooo many stay-at-home moms! It astonishes me! I do know that some of them have part time jobs in the evening or weekends, but there is a large percentage that are just home, not working. I don't know how they do it in this day and age, but there you go. Much more careful planning then we've ever done, I guess. Maybe we need some lessons, lol.
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