Thursday, March 7, 2013

Mar 7

This feels like the longest week ever. Perhaps it's because this will be the first full five-day week at school L has had this year. I've been on edge much of the time, wondering when the crash was coming. We've had moments here and there, but no major breakdown yet.
Tonight may be different though. It's 8:30, and yeah, he's still not in bed. This is DH's fault.
Ok, that may be a little unfair, but I'm just so frustrated right now. All the progress I've seemed to make, all the small baby steps, are erased in one night of L being with him. I know he's not used to handling L the way I am, and he doesn't know all the ins and outs of dealing with homework, but come on. We are BOTH still his parents, and it's not like I don't share most details of what goes on during the hours he's not here.
I've had a trying week. Like I said, I've been on edge for one thing. And there's always the background worry in my mind, because he's not getting enough sleep, or eating right, or enough. And the kids in the daycare have been annoying, to say the least, and I must be going through some hormonal surge as well because every stupid thing is making me want to kill someone.
So we needed some more milk, and to pick up a few things at the library, and I NEEDED to get out of the house. L had a page of spelling homework left to do, and it can be difficult for him, so I left DH to deal with it for once. I needed the break.
I shouldn't have gone. By the time R and I returned about 45 mins later, DQ in hand for a deserved treat, L was in tears, sitting alone in the front room, and only halfway through the work. Work that should only take him 20 mins at most.
DH said he lost his patience with him. I'm sorry, but he's NOT ALLOWED to lose HIS PATIENCE!! Why does he get to do that? I've had to find reserves of patience somewhere deep within me when I thought there was none. You dig deep. You take a deep breath. You act calm when you don't feel calm. I'm angry now.
DH said he got annoyed that L wasn't listening (uh-huh), was whining (well, duh) and he said he wasn't going to help him because he didn't even want to do it. Um, what? Of course he didn't want to do it!!
So I ate my ice cream, then went to L in his room, and within ten minutes, we had the rest of it finished. Yes, I practically had to spoon-feed it to him, but you know what? At this point, I don't care. He did a lot of it alone, and after an hour and a half of it, I couldn't watch his misery any more. But I don't always give him the answers, just when I can recognize that he's gone beyond the point of being capable of learning or retaining any answers.
And DH doesn't recognize that, or realize it. If L is too stressed/upset/angry/tired/hungry/distracted etc, he doesn't retain what's being discussed or studied. You have to know when to draw the line.
I'm glad tomorrow is Friday.
After he ate his own ice cream, he perked up, but bedtime will be a different story. I've already had to hear once tonight how he hates his life, he wants to run away, and his teacher is "so mean!" I'm sure I'll hear more once lights are out.

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