The Power of Positive Thinking?

I have to commend my sister, S. She has got it goin' on, for lack of a better expression. She is just lucky in life, it seems.
Ok, that doesn't mean that her life is perfect (well, maybe close to it now) or that it has always been either. She's had her share of trials, heartache and difficulties.
What I mean is that it seems that when she puts her mind to it, and she wants something, it happens for her.
She always said married and first child by 30, and there you go. She has a wonderful, loving husband who adores her, and a gorgeous baby girl, 4 months now.
She said they would have a baby right away, and they did.
She said she wouldn't gain weight, or have to lose weight after the baby, and she didn't.
She said she wouldn't get stretch marks, and she didn't.
She said she wanted to be a SAHM, and that will be true also, which is an incredible feat in today's economy.
Some things she says I just smile and nod, while "pshawwing" in my head and thinking "yeah, right, you just keep thinking that!" But not so much anymore. Because she seems to have this way of making things happen the way she wants for herself.
I have to say, I'm just a little jealous. And curious.
HOW DOES SHE DO THAT???
My life is only about half of how I pictured it. There are so many things I would love to do over, so many things I would change in a heartbeat.
I try to keep my focus though. The most important things in my life....my boys. At least my dream of being a mother became a reality for me, and that is the most important part.

A Little Taste Part II

I had my second "day off" this week. I could sooooo do the SAHM thing. Too bad I live in the real world where money apparently doesn't fall from the sky or magically appear in my bank account, no matter how hard I wish it.

My sister N came over with my niece M and nephew T. Even though T wasn't feeling his best, I loved, loved, loved their visit. M was an angel, and T was cuteness to the nth degree. It felt so, so weird to be hanging out at the park with them and no kids in tow. Very strange. It kind of even made me feel old somehow. I think it was because ALL the other adults there were moms and dads with under 5's. And it was busy too.

I think I'm starting to come to an acceptance now. That that part of my life is over for good. No more babies, no more diapers or car seats or mom and tot swimming lessons. *sniff*

But the more I'm away from that, the more I appreciate the fact that my boys are older. They can express themselves, buckle themselves into the car, dress and feed themselves (even make themselves food!), and I never again have to adhere to a nap schedule. That part is awesome! I still get some cuddles (from R mostly), and both boys have expressed to me that they do miss me when I'm not around, which is nice to hear.

But back to the SAHM thing. I'm starting to see how I could fill those days with things to do. My house would be mostly clean, my taxes would be done, I could visit more often with other adults, I could volunteer at the school and even (gasp!) join a gym!

Well, I had better not think about that too much, for fear I fall into a deep depression. Perhaps in a few years when DH is (hopefully) working fulltime and finished with school, I can possibly cut back on my days, and actually have a day or two off each week. Of course by then I'm betting that helping in the classrooms is going to be an opportunity missed, but I could maybe help with the milk program or something. Perhaps even go on a field trip or two.

Hmmmm, dreaming of those days...Well, for now, until I find a replacement for the child I lost to Montesorri, I will enjoy my odd day here and there most definitely!

A Little Taste

Today I had a taste of what it's like to be a SAHM. (That's Stay At Home Mom for people like my Dad...)I know, I know, I stay home everyday! But it's not the true sense of being a sahm, because I'm actually working from home. I'm not free to come and go as I please, or do as I please for the most part. I have small people to answer to. And failing that, even bigger people to answer to!
I always wondered about sahm's. What exactly do they do all day every day? And I'm not talking about the sahm's who have kids at home, because I know the answer to that. I'm talking about the ones whose kids are at school all day and their husbands are at work. What do they do?
Today I cleaned. I came back from dropping the kids off at school and allowed myself a half hour on the computer, then I cleaned. I only stopped for about 20 mins (if that) to have lunch, then got right back at it. And I only got about half the cleaning done that I wanted to do. Of course, going along I saw many more things that needed to be done. So now I know. They clean. I could probably clean this house for a week and still not have it the way that I want. And then I'd have to start all over again.
Here's a list of what I did:

1. Finished vacuuming the basement.
2. Cleaned the basement bathroom.
3. Cleaned the main floor bathroom.
4. Cleaned the kitchen sinks (after doing dishes).
5. Vacuumed all the floors on the main floor.
6. Washed the floors.
7. Washed, dried and folded a load of laundry.
8. Put away said laundry plus two other waiting baskets.
9. Tidied L's room and threw out three armloads of garbage/recycling.
10. Briefly tidied the "Lego room" upstairs, contemplated dumping all of it into a single bin but realized the boys have a form of organized chaos up there so thought better of disrupting their mess.

And then I ran out of time. During this time I also would have like to have vacuumed upstairs, washed upstairs floors, tidied R's room, organized and put away winter clothing, dusted (EVERYWHERE!), and many, many other things.

So that is what it's like to be a sahm. I guess. I don't really know. I know a few sahm's and I always thought it would probably be pretty rude to just go up to them and say, "So what exactly do you do all day long?" At some point the cleaning would have to come to an end. Or at least a stasis. I mean, my house is so dirty because it only gets the major stuff done. Nobody ever washes the baseboards or window sills, or the windows for that matter (well, maybe once a year). We don't clean the fridge on a regular basis (but I do wipe up and clean spills and sticky spots, and clean out the fruit/veggie bins once in a while; it just doesn't get done ALL at once). So once you've got your house to a maintenance level, what do you do then?

Maybe you're wondering why I got the day off anyway (which NEVER happens!). One of the kids left me for Montessori. Boo. And I haven't replaced her yet. The other two that would be here are in Florida for two weeks, which means I get this Wednesday off as well as next Monday. But no more cleaning for me. It's taxes time. Ugh.