Ten Pounds

If you knew me in high school, I was that girl who could eat anything she wanted to, and would never gain an ounce of fat. Even after high school and the years following in college I could drink beer all night, eat pizza for breakfast, burgers for lunch and carbs for dinner and still I was a nice, trim 117-121 lbs. Yes, that was my weight and what a wouldn't give to have that weight back again in the blink of an eye.

So here it is, y'all. I'm going to tell you my weight. I do this with trepidation, because for some, you might go, "What the hell is she complaining about?", and for others, like my sisters, they may go, "Wow, I seriously didn't think she was that much!" (I don't even know if they read this, actually.) I guess I should start off by saying that I'm about 5'6", or just slightly shorter. I have a medium build as far as bone structure goes, and tiny boobs, so I can't blame any weight on them, for sure! I guess I'm just comparing myself to my sisters, who are about the same height as me, with my youngest sister S having a slightly more delicate bone structure.

So S weighs 115 lbs, and had a baby just 3 months ago. Doesn't that make you sick? She has her perfect body back with no stretch marks to show for it, and lovely big (albeit a bit leaky at times, *snicker* ) boobs.

My other sister, N weighs 122 lbs, and we are pretty well matched in body structure (right down to the boobs!) Now, she has an 11-month-old but she works pretty hard to keep in shape, and exercises regularly. I can't really begrudge her her weight, because she deserves it, and also had to give up eating many, many yummy and delicious things to keep my nephew T happy and healthy while he was nursing (he has a lot of sensitivities, it seems, poor guy.)

So here it is. I weigh, on any given day between 130 (that's a good day) and 135. Ugh. I don't really know why my weight fluctuates so much, but it has always been like that, so I'm used to it. It's my norm. It also means I can't really celebrate the loss of a pound or two, because it could be right back there in another day or week. As I said, I'd give anything to have my weight drop by 10 pounds in the blink of an eye. Notice I said in the blink of an eye.

Because apparently, I'm not willing to give up anything at all to have it drop within a reasonable amount of time. Every damn day I wake up and think, OK, today, I'm not going to eat so much. I'm going to have fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, and a FAR smaller portion of dinner than even the boys do! And I'm not going to eat anything containing sugar!

Yes you can see how well that's going. Well, not see, but read. I have no idea how people do it. How do they find the willpower to make themselves exercise? How do they find it to tell themselves NO when they want something to eat? I get to lunchtime and I'm starving! I want real food, not rabbit food! How do I turn off that thing in my brain that tells me to eat carbs and sugar? Or butter? God, I love butter...

All I want is to lose 10 pounds and keep it off. Just 10 pounds.

Anyone have a magic pill I can take???

Things I Can't Seem To Find Anymore

Have you ever had a favourite product that just sort of, disappeared? From the stores, I mean. Boy, does that ever drive me crazy. We have had several disappear lately, so if you are from Ontario (Canada) and you know where I can find these things, please let me know!
My boys like waffles and pancakes for breakfast. Not something I really want to start their day off with, sugar and white flour, but I have found in the past Eggo Plus Fibre waffles. I used to be able to find them in three different flavours; cinnamon, plain and blueberry. Now, I can't find any at all!! I don't get it. I really thought the trend towards eating more whole grain foods was really picking up, so why get rid of this product? Perhaps it's just where I live, but I can't find them in any of the grocery chains around here. And I know, just because it says plus fibre doesn't make it whole grain, but it does make it a healthier choice than the regular kind.
DH really enjoys the Nature Valley Maple Flavour granola bars. I can find many other flavours of Nature Valley granola bars, but these specific ones seem to have disappeared as well.
L will occasionally eat tomato soup. I got him onto this because he liked the Heinz brand of Spiderman soup. It is essentially tomato soup with Spiderman shaped pasta in it. Now, of course, I can't find it anywhere! I can find Heinz Spiderman Pasta, but this is not soup, you see.
Occasionally, I will pick up So Nice soy milk, usually around Christmas when they sell their version of egg nog, called Noel Nog. I like it because I'm lactose intolerant, and I've not yet found a lactose-free version of regular egg nog. However, I used to come across the same brand of soy milk with other flavours such as cappuccino, or chai. I know, yuck, soy milk, but these were quite good. Alas, I never see these around anymore.
Well, that's my rant for the morning. Not terribly interesting, but I felt like writing my annoyance about these things.

A Waste of a Day

I am quite upset. Today was supposed to have been a perfect day, my last "day off". Next week I will have a new baby starting, and the schedule I have goes back to normal. Sigh.
I had so many wonderful plans for today. And it's such a BEAUTIFUL day as well.
So how did I spend it?
In bed, asleep, for the most part.
This morning I got up at my normal 6 am, and became so dizzy I almost hit the wall going into the bathroom. I had to steady myself against the bathroom counter before I could go turn on the shower. While in the shower, I was still dizzy, trying desperately to keep my head still (which is the only thing that seems to help) while wetting my hair. Do you know how hard that is? Not an easy task unless you want water pouring down your face. I didn't even bother to actually wash (I know, ewww, but I do take a shower every day!) and instead just wet myself before stepping out I was so nauseous.
My DH comes into the shower shortly after I do, as he has his breakfast first, and I begged asked him if he would stay home and help me this morning. Of course, I already knew he wouldn't, as that's just the type he is. I have to be literally dying first.

So I took a Gravol, and went downstairs to soldier on with my day. I told the boys they had to make their own lunches today, which I normally do myself, as I don't really think a lunch of nothing but chewy granola bars and cookies is entirely healthy. But today I couldn't care less. As long as they didn't come home starving, I'm happy enough with that lunch.
They also had to make their own breakfast, which they are getting better at, as that is a more frequent occurrence. I then drove them to school, which I NEVER do, and came home to bed.
Gravol totally knocks me out, and now it is wearing off, so I am now more lucid, but also more nauseous. Time to decide if I can make it through without it, since I have to go and get all the kids from school soon.

I Don't Like My Kid And I Feel Like a Bad Mom Because Of It

I'm thinking that my friend from Running Out of Hands can sympathize here. I've heard her often comment on how she struggles with her middle child, R*, and her difficulties in liking him very much sometimes.

I often feel the same way about L. Sometimes he is great. Other times, not. He seems to go through these "phases" of being utterly and incredibly annoying to me.

I think our personalities clash. That must be part of the problem. He can be so rude and obnoxiously snarky at times, and it builds over time. I won't notice it so much at first, but it gets worse and worse over time until I'm like, hey, how come I'm letting him talk to me like that?? Then I have to harp at him over and over again for a week or so, punishing him and telling him off until he stops and goes back to being a little more meek and humble. Boy that sounds dictatorial, doesn't it? But I can't have my kid talking to me like I'm his equal, his peer. I'm his mother, for goodness sake!

So then I put this kid to bed at night, and he cries. He tells me he feels like no one likes him, that everybody hates him. And then I feel so guilty. And angry. Both, at the same time. There's the mother (guilt) part of me that is saying, "You made him feel this way! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You should only ever make him feel nothing but loved!"

And then there's the normal, human (angry) part of me saying,"You're kidding me, right? Kid, you don't KNOW what it feels like to be unloved and hated!! How can you be so ungrateful for all you have? You seriously need a life lesson!"

DH says he and I are too alike. I disagree. I don't know where he gets this from. He says L pushes all the right buttons on me. I won't disagree with that.

So I go to bed that night and tell myself that I promise, I really, really will try very hard to be a better, more patient and understanding mother tomorrow. And I will, but it's so hard sometimes.

Wishful Wednesday

I wish...

I could reverse time.

• I would go back and revisit the days when I was nursing my babies. I miss that closeness.
• I would eat less during that nursing time, so my body could have used up its fat storage.
• I would put my foot down about some monetary "loans" we made, so that we didn't do it, which would have changed a lot for where we are now today.

We could win the lottery. I know everyone wishes that, so why can't I? It doesn't have to be a big one, I'd be happy with the half million!!

There was some way to know if putting a lot of money into medication for a dog was going to pay off with having him live for many more years to come.

My sisters lived closer. I hate that we only see each other once a month or so. I wish they lived next door, or just down the street.

I had more willpower. Willpower to exercise regularly, to not eat treats, and to stay away from technology when I have things I should be doing otherwise!

I could be 17 again for a day or so, knowing what I know now. There are so many more risks I'd take! I was too shy, too cautious as a teen. I still am, really.

What do you wish?

Mother's Day 2010

I haven't blogged for a few days, and seeing other bloggers' posts about Mother's Day, I felt I should chime in.
I had a pretty good Mother's Day. Better than other ones in the past, that's for sure. I had informed DH that I was going to purchase my own present this year, seeing as how I was tired of hinting and never receiving what I hinted at, and always getting a couple of cards and a bunch of flowers from the local grocery store instead. So this year, he FINALLY took the hint (that was blatantly obvious) and asked me what it was I was going to purchase. R filled in the details there (at least someone listens!)
Lo and behold, I finally received my very coveted iPod touch! I have drooled after this for a long time, and I am loving it! I immediately went out that afternoon and purchased a pink cover for it, and spent much of the afternoon perusing apps on the iTunes website.
For breakfast that morning, we went out to a popular breakfast restaurant called Cora's and met my MIL, FIL and Grandmother-in-law there. Afterwards, R had a ballhockey game that L and I chose not to attend due to the crazy cold weather and snow! (what was up with that??)
Later in the day, DH was supposed to have a hockey game of his own, which left us without plans for dinner. But due to a mis-scheduling, he didn't actually have a game, so we got to go out again for dinner to another of my favourite restaurants, East Side Mario's.
So all-in-all, a pretty great day! I didn't get to sleep in at all, but oh, well.
I came across this really cute story on another blogger's website http://outnumberedbykids.blogspot.com/ If you know the books "If You Give a Moose a Muffin" or "If you Take a Mouse to School", then you'll recognize it.

If You Give a Mom a Muffin

If you give a Mom a muffin
She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.
The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.
She’ll wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do some laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She’ll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her
She has to plan dinner for tonight.

She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She will look for the cookbook (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.)
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.

The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year old.
While she is changing the two year old the phone will ring.
Her four year old will answer it and hang up.

She remembers that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee on Friday.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some.

And chances are…
If she has a cup of coffee…
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

A Tribute to a Dad

Every morning when I drop the kids off at school, I see this one guy, a dad, who goes through the same ritual every single morning. The kids go in a door on the side of the school, and proceed down the hallway almost to the other side of the school to their grade one classrooms. Their classrooms face the front of the school. You can see in the windows right into their class, provided the blinds are open. And every morning, this one dad watches his daughter go in, and then walks to the front of the school and waits until he sees her go safely into the classroom. They wave to each other, and then go on with their days.

I think it is so sweet. The devotion that man has in his eyes. And it's wonderful.

I know many great dads. But I also know many not-so-great dads. So many dads take fatherhood for granted. And yes, so do many mothers, but I see it more often in the dads; their unwillingness to spend extra time with their offspring, to go that extra mile or do more than what's expected of them.

It's sad, really. I have a friend who was recently separated from her husband. Nasty, messy, it's never pretty. They have two young children, aged 7 and 4 at the time. This guy, he never seems to want to take his turn with the children. Now granted, I am only getting one side of the story, but the facts are still the facts, and they do still tell a story. He will only take the children on his appointed days, and anything over and above that is like pulling teeth.

I know that if DH and I ever had something like that happen to us, he would do everything he could to spend time with the boys. He doesn't like being separated from them for long periods of time; he enjoys spending time with them EVERY day. And I know many other fathers that feel the same way.

So even though it's Mother's Day on Sunday, this post is dedicated to all the great fathers out there. Thank goodness there are dads like the one who stands outside the classroom.

PIGGIES!!

Most of you who have me as a FB friend will already know this, but on the weekend we got two adorable baby guinea pigs. The boys have wanted some for a while now, and to be honest I did too, so it was an easy sell for me. The one pictured above is R's, and he named her Mocha, because that's the colour they were calling her in the store. She is a smooth-haired cavy, and she is very soft.

This one is Rosie, L's choice. She is an abyssinian, and her hair is more coarse, and will always stand up like that.

The two girls in their new home:

This is their cage we made. It may look big right now, but it won't be for long.

We are in love with them already; they are very sweet!

Ok, I'm THAT Woman.

Today I had another "day off". It was nice, and is probably the last one for a very long time. So instead of staying home and cleaning, I decided to go out and do some shopping/errands. One of my errands was to get the oil changed in our Explorer.

Ok, I've NEVER EVER EVER done any kind of maintenance on a vehicle. And I don't mean me physically working on the truck, I mean taking care of the maintenance.

Before I met DH, I was in college. I didn't have a vehicle. After we were living together, every vehicle was basically both of ours, and since DH was working for first, a limo maker, and second, a car dealership (both with mechanic shops there), and third, an actual mechanic shop, he always took care of the maintenance portion of our vehicles. The most I've ever done for maintaining a vehicle is to add gas, windshield washer fluid (and even that's rare for me) and a good clean up maybe once a year.

Today, however, was different. For the first time ever, DH isn't working for anything that's related to cars. He has finished school for the school year, and today was his first day at his co-op. The truck needed an oil change, and I had a day off. So, it was either up to me to do it, or another weekend chore to add to the list.

"I can do this," I thought. I had no idea what to expect, but how hard could it be? DH had said to me on the weekend that taking it to the dealership that had a drive-thru oil changing thingy would likely be fine. All I heard was drive-thru, and fine. I didn't hear the part when he told me to shop around first, or what the price should be. All I knew was that sounded easy!

So off I went this morning. I still felt lost and out of my realm when I got to the dealership. There were the bay doors to the shop, and there were people lined up in their cars, as for a car wash. Did I just line up? Or was I supposed to check in first? Or pay first?

I parked the car and went in, only to learn that I should have stayed in the truck and just got into line. Once I got in there and it was my turn, this one mechanic guy came to my window and started going on about something. Words like "seized" and "valve" and other mechanic-y jargon came tumbling out of his mouth and I just stared at him and must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

When he said, "OK?", I simply stated, "I have NOOOOO idea what you are talking about!"

Typical housewife, was probably his thought, as I'm sure he had a quiet conference with the billing guy about how he could easily charge me double, I'm so ignorant. He ushered me out of the truck and showed me the tire, pointing to the valve thing where you pump the tires up (something else I don't do). He then explained as I daydreamed about him actually being hot and sexy, then taking... listened intently to him saying something or other, and I was thinking, I thought I came in here for an oil change? Are they charging me extra for this?

Whatever.

Forty-seven dollars later I pulled out, happy and proud that I had taken responsibility for my vehicle and went about my shopping and errands.

Apparently I was ripped off, because I got yelled at later by DH for not shopping around and going straight there.

Oh well, it's done now, and I have a feeling DH won't be leaving that up to me again, which is just as well because I hate doing it! Vehicles should always be the man's job! Just like lawn mowing, garbage, and snow blowing/shovelling...