If you knew me in high school, I was that girl who could eat anything she wanted to, and would never gain an ounce of fat. Even after high school and the years following in college I could drink beer all night, eat pizza for breakfast, burgers for lunch and carbs for dinner and still I was a nice, trim 117-121 lbs. Yes, that was my weight and what a wouldn't give to have that weight back again in the blink of an eye.
So here it is, y'all. I'm going to tell you my weight. I do this with trepidation, because for some, you might go, "What the hell is she complaining about?", and for others, like my sisters, they may go, "Wow, I seriously didn't think she was that much!" (I don't even know if they read this, actually.) I guess I should start off by saying that I'm about 5'6", or just slightly shorter. I have a medium build as far as bone structure goes, and tiny boobs, so I can't blame any weight on them, for sure! I guess I'm just comparing myself to my sisters, who are about the same height as me, with my youngest sister S having a slightly more delicate bone structure.
So S weighs 115 lbs, and had a baby just 3 months ago. Doesn't that make you sick? She has her perfect body back with no stretch marks to show for it, and lovely big (albeit a bit leaky at times, *snicker* ) boobs.
My other sister, N weighs 122 lbs, and we are pretty well matched in body structure (right down to the boobs!) Now, she has an 11-month-old but she works pretty hard to keep in shape, and exercises regularly. I can't really begrudge her her weight, because she deserves it, and also had to give up eating many, many yummy and delicious things to keep my nephew T happy and healthy while he was nursing (he has a lot of sensitivities, it seems, poor guy.)
So here it is. I weigh, on any given day between 130 (that's a good day) and 135. Ugh. I don't really know why my weight fluctuates so much, but it has always been like that, so I'm used to it. It's my norm. It also means I can't really celebrate the loss of a pound or two, because it could be right back there in another day or week. As I said, I'd give anything to have my weight drop by 10 pounds in the blink of an eye. Notice I said in the blink of an eye.
Because apparently, I'm not willing to give up anything at all to have it drop within a reasonable amount of time. Every damn day I wake up and think, OK, today, I'm not going to eat so much. I'm going to have fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch, and a FAR smaller portion of dinner than even the boys do! And I'm not going to eat anything containing sugar!
Yes you can see how well that's going. Well, not see, but read. I have no idea how people do it. How do they find the willpower to make themselves exercise? How do they find it to tell themselves NO when they want something to eat? I get to lunchtime and I'm starving! I want real food, not rabbit food! How do I turn off that thing in my brain that tells me to eat carbs and sugar? Or butter? God, I love butter...
All I want is to lose 10 pounds and keep it off. Just 10 pounds.
Anyone have a magic pill I can take???