Thursday, February 28, 2013

Feb 28

L is crying in his bed. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't know whether to go to him or not. I know if I do go to him, it will turn into a big crying/whining fest along with lamenting and self-hatred I'm sure.
I'm trying to get him to bed early(ish) for once. My goal was 7:30, but that time went past quickly and there was much stalling going on, so when the light finally got turned out, it was about 8:10 or so. I put some quiet piano music on on his iPod dock, but as soon as I left the room, he ripped his iPod off the dock. I don't know why. Maybe it was an act of defiance, maybe it annoyed him, who knows, I didn't ask.
I know he is tired. He MUST be! 11:00 bedtime last night, nearly 10:30 the night before, and late nights of past 9 before that, all with rising around 7 in the morning. He was yawning away this evening, and was suffering from a bad headache late this afternoon. The headache worries me, as headaches always do with the kids. Likely the cause was fatigue, as well as some dehydration (he doesn't drink enough) and also part hunger too. But then there's the worried part of me that wonders if it's a side effect of the St. John's Wort, and the even more worried part that immediately thinks the worst. I can't even type it out.
So I don't know if I should go in. I knew it was going to be a difficult bedtime. DH is out for the evening at a work function. Well, he didn't even come home, so L hasn't seen him at all today. His behaviour was starting to ramp up already at dinner time, and escalated to annoying behaviours from there, like refusing to do as he was told and generally acting like a two year old. Part of me is cursing myself for letting him stay home today, but I'm sure I took the lesser of the two evils. He would have been in a real funk if he'd gone to school and had to endure a sad movie as well as teasing.
I hate though that I'm leaving him to his misery. I don't want him to feel alone in this, I want to be supportive. But I also REALLY want him to go to sleep. He needs that so badly.
I'm sitting on the stairs, to be able to hear him more easily, to decipher, I suppose, what's going on. It's quiet now, but that doesn't mean he's asleep. He could be playing on his iPod. Maybe I should check....
Miracle of miracles, he's asleep! I think....he seems to be a good faker at times, but at the very least, he's lying quietly.
I pray he wakes in a good mood for tomorrow.

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