Money

I am upping my daycare fees as of July 1. I wrote the letter today, having finally finished my taxes and seeing not only the steady increase of the cost of fuel, electricity and food, but also my dire need to actually accrue more money.
I am nervous about how the parents will take it. This is only the second time in my 8 years of doing this that I have increased my fees. I think I put myself in the parents' shoes too much. I start to feel badly for them, having to already pay so much for daycare, and then to have that increased. But I have to stop being a softy, because as we all know, I ain't doin' this for the pure pleasure of it! It's a business, my family's livelihood, my income, and my job, not my hobby.
So we'll see.
Money, money, money. Don't you just hate it sometimes? Wouldn't it be nice to go back to the old days of working hard and bartering? I'll give you this, if you do that. That doesn't fly with the banks though, does it?
We are supposedly getting a fairly nice tax return this year. What I'd really like to do with it is put it towards a nice vacation. I'd really, REALLY love to take the boys to Disney. I went as a child, DH did too, and it feels somewhat unfair that my kids won't ever get to go. At least not while the magic of youth is still with them. Not before they become too old for that sort of thing, or they think it's dumb or cheesey. It's just so expensive though! Why can't they do a discount week or something? I think everyone should get to go to Disney once during their younger years, despite income. I could fund maybe one third of what we'd need. That's just not enough. And I find it extremely difficult to sit on money and wait, as in, SAVE.
Sigh.
Sigh again.
But saving the money isn't really even an option. Our dog is sick. Well, dying really. He has a bad heart, and of course the vets want to make as much money as possible out of us and want him on all these heart meds and stuff. DH went to pick up the first two weeks worth today. Guess how much they were.
Go on, take a guess.
If you guess right, you win a trip to Disney.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, not really.
Ok, are you ready?
$140!! (That's Canadian, people.)
WTF? Do they honestly friggin think that I am going to pay $300/month for meds for a dog???!!
DH loves that dog so much. I'm sorry, but I don't love him that much. You can put a price on love. And that is too expensive. I'll let the first two weeks go, for the sake of DH, but after that, I'm sorry, but no.
Would you give up a vacation to keep your elderly dog (possibly) alive for a few more months, or a year?
I think I am rambling here. I know I am. I'm really tired, and it's pretty late. So, I will go now and leave you with my thoughts.

The initial examination:
$69.30 (Wish I made that much for 15 mins of work.)
The tests and bogus costs for a few hours of "boarding" (sheesh):
$506.57
Two weeks worth of meds that may or may not keep your dog alive for an unknown amount of time: (Do these vets actually know anything besides how to make money?)
$139.08
The look on your kids' faces when you tell them their dog is dying, you don't know when and they have to give up their dream of going to Disney anytime soon because of it,
Priceless (but not in a good way.)
For everything else, there's Mastercard. Oh, wait. That's already maxed out.
Damn.

A Little Taste Part II

I had my second "day off" this week. I could sooooo do the SAHM thing. Too bad I live in the real world where money apparently doesn't fall from the sky or magically appear in my bank account, no matter how hard I wish it.

My sister N came over with my niece M and nephew T. Even though T wasn't feeling his best, I loved, loved, loved their visit. M was an angel, and T was cuteness to the nth degree. It felt so, so weird to be hanging out at the park with them and no kids in tow. Very strange. It kind of even made me feel old somehow. I think it was because ALL the other adults there were moms and dads with under 5's. And it was busy too.

I think I'm starting to come to an acceptance now. That that part of my life is over for good. No more babies, no more diapers or car seats or mom and tot swimming lessons. *sniff*

But the more I'm away from that, the more I appreciate the fact that my boys are older. They can express themselves, buckle themselves into the car, dress and feed themselves (even make themselves food!), and I never again have to adhere to a nap schedule. That part is awesome! I still get some cuddles (from R mostly), and both boys have expressed to me that they do miss me when I'm not around, which is nice to hear.

But back to the SAHM thing. I'm starting to see how I could fill those days with things to do. My house would be mostly clean, my taxes would be done, I could visit more often with other adults, I could volunteer at the school and even (gasp!) join a gym!

Well, I had better not think about that too much, for fear I fall into a deep depression. Perhaps in a few years when DH is (hopefully) working fulltime and finished with school, I can possibly cut back on my days, and actually have a day or two off each week. Of course by then I'm betting that helping in the classrooms is going to be an opportunity missed, but I could maybe help with the milk program or something. Perhaps even go on a field trip or two.

Hmmmm, dreaming of those days...Well, for now, until I find a replacement for the child I lost to Montesorri, I will enjoy my odd day here and there most definitely!

A Little Taste

Today I had a taste of what it's like to be a SAHM. (That's Stay At Home Mom for people like my Dad...)I know, I know, I stay home everyday! But it's not the true sense of being a sahm, because I'm actually working from home. I'm not free to come and go as I please, or do as I please for the most part. I have small people to answer to. And failing that, even bigger people to answer to!
I always wondered about sahm's. What exactly do they do all day every day? And I'm not talking about the sahm's who have kids at home, because I know the answer to that. I'm talking about the ones whose kids are at school all day and their husbands are at work. What do they do?
Today I cleaned. I came back from dropping the kids off at school and allowed myself a half hour on the computer, then I cleaned. I only stopped for about 20 mins (if that) to have lunch, then got right back at it. And I only got about half the cleaning done that I wanted to do. Of course, going along I saw many more things that needed to be done. So now I know. They clean. I could probably clean this house for a week and still not have it the way that I want. And then I'd have to start all over again.
Here's a list of what I did:

1. Finished vacuuming the basement.
2. Cleaned the basement bathroom.
3. Cleaned the main floor bathroom.
4. Cleaned the kitchen sinks (after doing dishes).
5. Vacuumed all the floors on the main floor.
6. Washed the floors.
7. Washed, dried and folded a load of laundry.
8. Put away said laundry plus two other waiting baskets.
9. Tidied L's room and threw out three armloads of garbage/recycling.
10. Briefly tidied the "Lego room" upstairs, contemplated dumping all of it into a single bin but realized the boys have a form of organized chaos up there so thought better of disrupting their mess.

And then I ran out of time. During this time I also would have like to have vacuumed upstairs, washed upstairs floors, tidied R's room, organized and put away winter clothing, dusted (EVERYWHERE!), and many, many other things.

So that is what it's like to be a sahm. I guess. I don't really know. I know a few sahm's and I always thought it would probably be pretty rude to just go up to them and say, "So what exactly do you do all day long?" At some point the cleaning would have to come to an end. Or at least a stasis. I mean, my house is so dirty because it only gets the major stuff done. Nobody ever washes the baseboards or window sills, or the windows for that matter (well, maybe once a year). We don't clean the fridge on a regular basis (but I do wipe up and clean spills and sticky spots, and clean out the fruit/veggie bins once in a while; it just doesn't get done ALL at once). So once you've got your house to a maintenance level, what do you do then?

Maybe you're wondering why I got the day off anyway (which NEVER happens!). One of the kids left me for Montessori. Boo. And I haven't replaced her yet. The other two that would be here are in Florida for two weeks, which means I get this Wednesday off as well as next Monday. But no more cleaning for me. It's taxes time. Ugh.

Ok, I'm going to take a stab at this award thing. A childhood friend of mine gave it to me, and here are the rules:
#1. Brag about the award.
Hmmm, I GOT AN AWARD EVERYONE!! LOOK AT ME! I'M THE BEST!
#2. Include the name of the person who gave the award to you and link back to that blogger.
Her penname is Mom2spiritedboy at Spirited Blessings
#3. Choose a selection of blogs that you find brilliant in honest content.
#4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award.
This, That and The Other Thing
Running Out Of Hands
Out-Numbered By Kids
#5. List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

So here goes: (you may have already heard some of this stuff)

1) I am pretty lazy. I have a hard time convincing myself that it's better to have a clean house rather than read my latest story I'm into.

2) Not sure if this is part of the laziness, but I'm a procrastinator, through and through. I leave EVERYTHING to the last minute, then get in a panic. I've done that since grade school, and this will probably never change. Just come see my dining room table that is strewn with receipts galore for the upcoming tax deadline. (Don't yell at me! *cringes*)

3) I've never smoked a cigarette. Never even lit one, or put a lit one to my mouth. EVER. And I'm pretty proud of that fact too. (This goes for all forms of smoking!)

4) I've never drank so much I puked. I've come very close, but thanks to my Dad's drinking horror stories and my whole aversion to puke, I've never put myself through that.

5) I like cheese and pickle sandwiches. But it needs to be melted cheddar, and dill pickles.

6) Lately I have been fantasizing about learning to drive a motorbike (a speed bike, not like a Harley or something). I always hated the things. They're noisy and sooooo dangerous. But now, I want one. I think it'll make me a hot sexy momma or something. *snorts*

7) Sometimes I think about how different my life would be if I had never got married. If I had walked away and travelled the world instead. Would I be happier? Sadder? Skinnier? Fatter? Don't you wish we could have an alternate reality like on Lost, to see what things would be like? That would be cool.

8) A tiny part of me worries about 12/21/12. I know, I'm a freak. But really, I don't want the world to end so soon! Well, who does? It's a little scary. I tell myself it'll turn out like 2000; a big nothing. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, Google it.

9) Sometimes I think my brother was fathered by another man. Besides the fact that he doesn't look much like my dad, he is not like the rest of the family. Maybe it's because he's a guy. He is weird and has bizarre ideas. He is creative, which probably goes hand-in-hand with the weirdness and bizarre ideas, and the rest of us are not. I love him, but I feel like he's more like a cousin or something.

10) Boy this has been hard! Ok, my number 10 honest thing is hmmmm.....oh, I got it. I once left a child out on the playground all by herself when I was working at a "real" daycare centre. Completely and totally forgot about her bringing in the rest of the kids. I was on my own that afternoon and neglected to do the headcount, and the parents were the ones who discovered her out there!! GADS!
Luckily I quickly bullshitted my way out majorly deep doo-doo into more minor doo-doo, but it really shook me up for a long time, and I've felt bad about it ever since.

Ok so that's it. I hope you enjoyed that and now I hope I get to read some other honest things about others!

Evian Commercial

My sister showed me this commercial on Youtube. I thought it was just so adorable, and the kids I look after love it too! They say, "Again, again!" I don't know why I can't get it to show the whole "screen" though, but maybe you can go to Youtube and see it properly yourself.

Dilemma

I'm having a dilemma. I am in need now of acquiring a new child for my daycare. And I really hate this process. The advertising, the fielding of phone calls, the wooing of new parents and the interview process. Ugh. It's kind of like going under the microscope over and over again. And I understand the need for parents to scrutinize. I would too. Your children are the most precious things you have, and you want to be sure that you are getting only the best care for them.
You see, the parents I work for now are used to how I run things. We are all comfortable with each other; we are all in agreement so to speak. These parents know that I am not the best housekeeper, and neither are they (or so they say). I'm not saying that there is food rotting in the kitchen (cause there's not, ever!), but I'm referring to the dustbunnies floating along the floor amongst the dried-up playdough crumbs in the children's play area, or the pieces of cut paper in the corner with crayon wrappers, or the constant (no matter how much I vacuum) massive amounts of dirt and grit greeting you at the front door.
I do clean. Occasionally. When the dirt screams at me. I don't feel the children are in any health-related danger, and since no one else has ever commented on the floors, apparently neither does anyone else.
I just hate having to constantly be on my guard when I am in this searching process. I have to always make sure everything is clean and presentable. And the hardest part is trying to make my daycare sound like it's so much more than it is. I don't lie to anyone. I don't tell them that we are doing hours of reading each day when we're not. It's not that. I mean that some parents want to know if the kids are doing crafts each and everyday, with circle time and worksheets and things. I feel a bit political when I have to make it sound positive that we're not. Because we aren't. I don't do that. Sure, we read. Sure, we do crafts. But (and this is how I put it to the potentials) I run a relaxed daycare, where the children are allowed to explore in their own way and able to develop their own self-reliance. It is kid-guided, where if the kids request a craft, we do one. If they request a story, we read one. If they just want to play all day, they do. Mix into that regular snack, meal and outdoor times, and that's how my day goes.
The other big thing I hate is the meals. Many parents want hot, healthy, four-food-group-low-sodium-low-sugar-non-processed meals. Sigh.
I totally get that. I want that for my own kids. But the reality of it is that it's just not doable.
#1. The kids don't eat it. I tried, when I first opened my daycare, serving vegs with lunch. Every day I threw them out. EVERY DAY. And then I thought to myself, why am I just cooking this, only to throw it into the garbage? It's a waste of food and money too. So I stopped. I stopped trying to be healthy, and just started giving them what they wanted while trying to be healthy enough.
#2. It's expensive. My grocery bill has gone up and up and up over the years. Do you want to know how much money I spent on groceries last year?
$14,000!!
I haven't done this year's totals yet, but that number was up $1000 from the year before. So you see why I say it's expensive. That's more than $1000/month on groceries. And that is me trying to be as cheap as possible. When things go on sale, I stock up. I don't buy expensive fruit for the kids (like berries or pineapples or things). They get apples, bananas, oranges - the cheaper fruits.
#3. I don't have the time to cook more elaborate stuff. I don't know how other providers do it, serving the kids meat, veg and potatoes or rice. Those things take longer than ten minutes to cook, or take attention. I can't be in the kitchen for that long and leave the kids unattended.
So we have sandwiches. Mac and cheese. Pizza (to me this is healthy, ok? Tomato sauce, cheese, crust, those are three food groups right there! It's the only thing my son will eat that involves tomato sauce, plus I buy it on sale and I can throw it in the oven and come back 20 mins later). Grilled cheese sandwiches. Soup. Bagels. Sometimes pancakes with bananas on top (they LOVE that meal, but again, it takes longer). Maybe once a month hot dogs (I try to even it out with whole wheat buns and carrots on the side). Sometimes chicken nuggets (if they've been on sale too).
As parents become more and more anal health conscious, I get more and more requests for the healthier meals, and even, gasp! cloth diapers. Ugh. Gross.
So here I sit and debate. I can do one of three things.
A) I can apply for a job that has been posted with the school board which involves me making and sending out a resume and cover letter along with a photocopy of several things including my non-existant up-to-date first aid/cpr certificate. I have a low chance of getting this job, as there are only a few available, and I'm sure, hundreds of ECE's who will apply for it. But it would be a nice change of pace, however I'd be making about what I make now and would have to add in the cost of transportation and daycare for my boys.
B) I can raise my fees (which I haven't done for a while) to ensure I can afford healthier, more expensive food which would probably get thrown out anyway, at the very least shunned and sneered at by the current children I care for. At that point I have to decide if I make the new kids the healthy stuff and the old kids the same stuff, which means making two different things (!) or the older kids have to learn to eat or starve.
C) I can continue on as I am and...what. Hope for the best I guess.
I think I'll be doing option A regardless, so I guess the real dilemma is between option B and C. What do you think?

A Momentous Occasion

Today was another first in my journey of being a mom. Today, I let R walk to school, get this,.......

WITHOUT AN ADULT!!

Yikes!

He wasn't alone, he was with his best bud, E. But still, my stomach is, as we speak, in nervous knots wondering if he made it ok.

Once in a while, E (who is about six months older than R, so almost 9) will come to the door in the morning in order to walk to school with R. Much of the time, he walks "with" his older brother. I put with in quotes because really, his brother doesn't stay with him. He lags behind to talk to 12 year old girls from his grade and E usually trudges on by himself. Now E is quite mature for his age. I've always been impressed by his maturity since I met him a few years ago. DH says that maturity is due to hockey (rep hockey). Whatever. He's the kind of kid you wish your kid would be friends with. Which is why I'm so glad that he and R are best buds. I hope they remain that way for a long time. E is fiercely loyal to R, will stand up for him against others, and will stand up to anyone who pisses him off, but not in a bullyish way. Which is great.

Anyhow, E often walks home from school as well by himself. The thought of that still scares me, but comforts me too, as I know he is well used to the walk alone. It may be different if I sent two newbies out on their own. But that's not the case.

So this morning, DH was supposed to be driving my two to school, as L has a little presentation/display thing in the classroom this morning that parents are invited to, and DH doesn't have to be at his own school until 11 so he could go. Since E showed up this morning, I gave the two older boys the option of riding with DH, or walking on their own. It surprised me a little that R said he'd walk. He's always been a bit of a momma's boy, scared to be on his own for anything. And a secret part of me likes that. It means he's still my little boy.

It's with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes that I write this. My little boy is proving to me that kids do continue to grow up, whether you want them to or not. And I'm proud of him. And scared for him too. I made DH promise he's check to make sure that R arrived safely when he got to school with L. I haven't heard anything yet (which is typical of DH, to let me worry) but then, no news is good news. Right? Right?

RIGHT???