Sunday, March 27, 2011


Lately I've been feeling rather stressed. There are quite a few reasons why this is, and for most people they probably don't think that my problems are really all that bad. But I don't think I handle stress very well. It's probably because I don't have to deal with any large amount of it on a daily basis, as say, a commuter would, or a doctor would, or a single mom working two jobs would. So I'm out of practice.
But lately I haven't been well. I'm not sleeping well, tossing and turning and dreaming troubling dreams. I've also been having stomach issues, and feeling really tired. And of course my patience is thin. Then there is the really annoying symptom of not being able to take a satisfying deep breath. I know, weird right? I am breathing, and I can once in a while get in a deep breath that is satisfying, but usually it's through yawning. I've googled it a lot, and there seems to be a lot of people out there with this same problem, but with no true answers to this problem. I've had this issue before, many times throughout my life, even as a kid. It usually resolves in a week or two, but damn it's annoying until then. And I think L has inherited this issue. He complained about it last fall for a few weeks. My mom also struggles with it.
My stress is from a few things. First, are my computer issues. I don't necessarily need my computer on a daily basis, I can use my iPod touch for my socializing. But I do need it! It has all my iTunes stuff, plus files for daycare, and tax stuff. That's really important right now! And I really can't afford a new one.
Then there's the age-old problem of money. That one never goes away. But it leads to the trip.
Yeah, I'm stressed about that.
Maybe. But I'm not one lucky enough to go on vacations much. The only other real family vacation we've had was six years ago, to New Brunswick. Before that, was our honeymoon ten years ago, and other than that it's just been weekend trips to Niagara and various other Ontario cities. I guess I'm just worried about things going wrong, like missing our flight, someone getting sick (that's a BIG one), luggage being lost, plane crashing, the kids being sick on the plane or suffering with their ears, not being ready, DH getting a hard time going through customs, bad weather, the condo sucking, getting food poisoning...etc., etc., etc...
I know, I'm borrowing trouble. But I've been dreaming about this damn trip, and they're troubling, stressful dreams, not good ones. I wake up and I don't want to go back to sleep.
Then of course there's the money side. Even though the trip is being paid for, we still need money for souvenirs and incidentals. And food, some, I'm sure. And definitely there's the loss of income. I don't get paid for a week, and then the next week, as I've found out since booking the trip (I know, the parents I "work for" SUCK for never giving me enough notice!!) two of the families I care for are off themselves!! (If I'd known, like, a week or two sooner I could have made the trip the same week!) So, it's not like I'll be making up for the time off at all. Thank god DH will be starting work soon after.
And DH and I are arguing. I won't bore you with all the details, but in the end he came to me and in a roundabout way offered me an apology, but expected one back! There wasn't anything I'd felt I'd done wrong! If I felt bad for something, I'd apologize, but I didn't. So he's mad at me for that. He said HE was the one ALWAYS apologizing. While that is certainly not true,as he rarely apologizes sincerely for anything, he thinks that when we have an argument that we're both to blame. WHATEVER! Sorry guy (there's your apology!) but YOU are the one that does things wrong, not me! Haven't you learned by now, the woman is ALWAYS right?? I know that's cliche, but in this case it's right. My life really doesn't vary that much day-to-day. There isn't much I could do that was wrong and would piss him off. Really! So when he does shit to piss me off, he always gets mad back at me, instead of being contrite. There's no way I should apologize because HE can't take criticism or accept his mistakes and reacts the wrong way. Sheesh.
So, I'm stressed. And griping to anyone who will read this tripe does make me feel a little better. Although, winning the lottery and taking a nice vacation at a spa retreat ON MY OWN would make me feel much better!

Sent from my iPod

1 comment:

  1. I feel your pain on the argument part. My DH and I often have that problem - I feel like we've discussed something (in an argument) and have agreed to disagree. Then he expects an apology from me. For what, having a different opinion? And he rarely offers one back, unless it's glaringly obvious he's wrong.

    As for the stress feelings. I know I suffer from SAD off and on through the winter, and another one of my friends is affected worse. Could this be an issue with you? Stuck inside all day with kids, only out to go to the school and back. With lighter and warmer evenings, can you fit in a short walk outside. Get the lungs open and feel the sun? I also take a vitamin D supplement.

    Trip stress is normal. I only feel better once we're on the road, or when we get there and I can set up shop.

    Sending Zen hugs your way ...