I am so stressed out, I can't help it. I'm trying not to be, I'm trying not to see the negative and look for the positive, but it's not working and I'm failing miserably. Every day that the trip looms closer, my blood pressure goes up in direct relation. And what, exactly, is the problem you may ask?
What else but money? It's my stressor extrordinaire . Of course, I'm thinking about a million other things at the same time, and that isn't helping.
Like, how L developed a screaming ear infection on the weekend like no other he's had before, and just when I thought we were all on the mend. So now I'm stressed that all the fluid trapped in there won't be cleared out by the time we have to board a plane, especially since I asked the walk-in dr. guy if he was going to be alright to get on a plane in ten days and he just shrugged his shoulders.
What if we go get L's ear checked next week and the doctor says he'll be in extreme pain if we try to fly? How do
I crush my whole family's hearts by telling them we can't go on the trip of our lifetime ( so far, anyway)? What if he looks ok at the doctor's but upon descent the poor kid is in screaming agony?? I could barely stand listening to him crying for two solid hours on Sunday. I don't think my heart could take it knowing how much pain he would be in.
And then there is the constant running list of things to do/buy/pack before we go, running through my mind like endless movie credits on a screen. And yes, I've made lists but it doesn't help. Because even when I make lists for shopping, I always still seem to miss items. So I'm afraid I'll forget something.
Of course I'm worried about things I can't control, like the weather, and someone getting sick.
Sickness. That's a HUGE one, as you probably know.
And the weather, well, I'm just being a complainer I know, but it's bothering me that every time I look up the long term forecast for Orlando it says the week we're there is slightly colder and rainier than it has been there for the past month! Why? Why OUR week?
And back to the money.
God I hate money. I'm still worried that we're going to end up spending more money than we have (which is basically anything over a dollar) on food, even though we were told that we wouldn't have to. I mean, it kind of goes against the grain really, being that dependent on someone else. It's not like I'm 14 and telling my parents I'm hungry and can I have some money for a snack. We can't do that. It'll be too weird. And what if we split up most days, and end up on our own (sans grandma) for lunch? As if we're going to say, "Ok, we'll meet you back here at say, 4:00, and by the way, we'll need $40 for lunch please." Do you see where I'm going with this? Each day will still cost us money for food.
So I'm now thinking about that, and trying to plan grocery shopping when we get there so we can pack lunches and stuff. And then my mind starts me thinking about packing containers, ziploc baggies, etc, and here we go with the mind credits again.
I was sitting and trying to pay some bills online, when I opened our gas bill and it's over $400!!
Upon closer inspection, and I still have yet to verify this, it appears that we didn't have a bill last month and that this is a bill for two months a la Powerstream (our hydro). So now they've adopted this awful awful plan of billing us only every two months so that I can have a small MCI every time I open a bill.
But how did I miss that? I don't remember reading anything telling me they were doing this now. And why did I not notice the fact that we didn't have an Enbridge bill last month?
Oh yeah, because I was too busy hyperventilating over taxes, which we still haven't filed. And being stressed about an upcoming trip.
To top it all off, I'm basically a single mom these days due to the fact that DH is busy busy with studying for exams and schoolwork and stuff.
What stuff? I don't know.
I just know that if the roles were reversed and I was the one in school, I would still be having to do all the cooking and laundry and cleaning.